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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be happy most of the time

62 replies

HappySquashGirl · 22/12/2023 21:38

My nephew asked me what percentage of the time in happy. I said 100%. I wasn't lying, my baseline emotion is happy and I get a lot of joy from very small things (like butternut squash being really orange).

DH seems quite surprised by this and its not sure when he's happy but generally thinks his baseline is sad. Understandably this is quite depressing news.

So I'm wondering which one of us is unusual? Are you cheerful like me or doleful like ~DH~ a sad puppy? Do you find lots of things in life make you happy? What about your DHs? I'm just intrigued to know.

(feel I should add I consider myself very lucky to have a house, job, relative financial security etc but it's not like I've lived a magical charmed life or anything, we both have some fairly significant losses and difficulties but life is pretty steady rn)

YABU - sad is my baseline
YANBU - I'm usually pretty happy

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 23/12/2023 02:21

I'm generally happy

lljkk · 23/12/2023 03:14

70% happy? I'm very glass half-full.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 23/12/2023 04:51

I always veer towards the negative and have to remind myself constantly to count my blessings. I think its a pre disposition that is part of your character, obviously influenced by experience but I would love to be naturally happier. I have a constant feeling of guilt that I'm not happier, because I should be as I have a lot going for me now. So I have bad feelings about my feelings, it's exhausting sometimes.

wp65 · 23/12/2023 05:12

ughChristmas · 22/12/2023 22:00

I'm really not sure. I am content most of the time, so is that happy? I've always been capable of being content and at least generally happy. A few years ago my child got seriously ill and ended up dying, so that's changed my life a lot. I can still find joy in the little things and that's also partly coping now, but I think 'neutral' but content enough is my default now. I seek out the little things more. I'm more isolated because I just don't relate to the world as much as I used to. I think I'm generally happy enough though. Complicated question.

I'm so sorry about your child. 🩵

daisychain01 · 23/12/2023 05:18

Seeking happiness a large proportion of the time is something Western societies value and strive towards. Sadness, negative feelings, low mood in the right proportion is not a bad thing, in fact it's healthy and an important part of our evolutionary survival. As long as it isn't a permanent thing, which moves into the depression zone, then I find it easier to rationalise.

for example this week I've had a really stressful time at work and I felt things were going badly wrong, so I pulled myself out of the mental mire by working when I was due to take leave to sort out the issue, and now I'm feeling 100% better. My manager has even given me the time back which helps!. It was the feeling like crap that forced me to do something about the problem. If I hadn't felt really down and overwhelmed, I wouldn't have sorted things out and would have probably had a far worse problem to deal with after the break. I do suffer massively from Impostor Syndrome in the mix.

I guess being miserable can have its "benefits" in a weird kinda way!

Im probably less "happy" and more of a positive thinker/fix-it kind of person. My DSis is constantly happy happy happy, and I find it quite irritating, so maybe she's a Tigger and I'm an Eyeore

KickHimInTheCrotch · 23/12/2023 05:24

I'm naturally happy most of the time. It wasn't always the case but separating from my ex changed things and I became the best version of myself as a single parent. I can generally make the best of a situation and have a very strong focus on doing what's right for myself and others. This helped when I lost my only sibling in a very traumatic way - something about having a happy baseline helped me to get though this and take a lot personally from this experience; including learning to appreciate the world around me and my interactions and relationships with others, not to fear life or death. I say "no" a lot more now to things that dont bring me joy - things i used to feel i had to do out of duty. But I also embrace life a lot more, take my responsibilities seriously and seek out positivity.

Goldmember · 23/12/2023 05:33

Mine is content. I don't generally feel extreme emotions for long anymore. People don't know about the traumatic times so I do appreciate everything I have and I've been through my traumatic depression years as a teen and then almost financial ruin when my kids were tiny. I'm risk averse and have worked hard and carefully for everything I have now and currently it is working out for me, I trust my decisions as they are carefully planned out. I work hard to make things look easy so from the outside it looks like I have a charmed life. It helps that I have learned to only surround myself with people that add to my life and I can easily cut out people that don't. Life lessons learned I guess.

cantbecaught · 23/12/2023 05:40

Happy is definitely my baseline and I HAD led a charmed life, compared to many. I felt lucky to be a happy person. Then when trauma struck, I really struggled as I could not give myself permission to be unhappy. I felt I would be a failure if that happened. It took me ages to find peace with it. Now I understand it isn't possible to always be happy and I think I'll cope better when the next traumatic event hits.

I'm baseline happy but feel it's important to know I can be unhappy at times and will be ok. Hitting my first big trauma made me feel mentally unstable trying to stop myself feeling unhappy.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 23/12/2023 05:52

You sound like my husband.

FluffyChemical · 23/12/2023 10:48

My baseline is neutral although I take joy from small things and am grateful for where I have managed to get to in my life. Occasionally I have a great day and feel genuinely happy, sometimes I have a low day and feel overwhelmingly sad.

I have a lot of childhood trauma and no contact with family since teens so I suspect this plays a part in my emotional state. However after years of therapy and counselling I'm delighted to achieve 'neutral' and have a career and loving partner and beautiful cottage with 2 dogs. It is all I ever wanted so I wish I could feel more happy about it but mostly neutral might be as good as I can achieve and I'm okay with that.

Lovely thread, genuinely pleased to hear so many people describe their baseline state as happy.

EmpressSoleil · 23/12/2023 11:05

It took many years to get here, but I would say I'm now happy 98% of the time.

The 2% is actually really other people. I seem to have so many friends and relatives who just aren't happy. Some justifiably so, some it just seems to be their nature. But I do find myself feeling more negative when I'm around them. Maybe because it brings old feelings of mine to the surface.

As a result I spend far less time around others now. Which is maybe not ideal but I don't know what else to do.

Aroundthewaygirl · 23/12/2023 11:52

honestly im generally unhappy. I’ve experienced a lot of trauma throughout my childhood and as an adult. I can recall only a few periods of time in my life when I’ve been truly happy about everything which is when everything is going well financially, health wise, relationship and career. Sadly in my 52 years that only comprises about 7-10 years of my life.

I found a few pics of me as a little girl and my eyes are so sad. It makes me feel sad for that little girl knowing the trauma she experienced and that she would never find happiness 😢

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