To be happy most of the time

[HappySquashGirl]

My nephew asked me what percentage of the time in happy. I said 100%. I wasn't lying, my baseline emotion is happy and I get a lot of joy from very small things (like butternut squash being really orange).

DH seems quite surprised by this and its not sure when he's happy but generally thinks his baseline is sad. Understandably this is quite depressing news.

So I'm wondering which one of us is unusual? Are you cheerful like me or doleful like ~DH~ a sad puppy? Do you find lots of things in life make you happy? What about your DHs? I'm just intrigued to know.

(feel I should add I consider myself very lucky to have a house, job, relative financial security etc but it's not like I've lived a magical charmed life or anything, we both have some fairly significant losses and difficulties but life is pretty steady rn)

YABU - sad is my baseline
YANBU - I'm usually pretty happy

Externally I'm generally a cheerful person but I do have a very dark depressive side. BUT even on the darkest days I am glad to be alive and recognise there is a lot of beauty in life.

I very rarely feel "content".

But I do consider myself emotionally strong and resilient.

I'm sorry for your trauma and losses and @ughChristmas I haven't been through anything like that and I can only imagine it would change you, maybe permanently.

Interesting about the ACEs, I have read about these before and yes, I'm sure if you have experienced these it's going to have a big impact on your brain's ability to manage challenges.

In our case both of us had difficulties in our childhoods but neither experienced multiple ACEs. I wonder if there are certain types of ACEs that are more likely to cause these issues?

My normal is happy. Years ago I was diagnosed with lung cancer. It took another two months to determine the type and possible spread (happily, none). I remember about half way through that two months wait, thinking that I was utterly fed up of feeling sad and apprehensive and that I was wasting precious time feeling that way. So I reverted to my natural state of, if not quite happy (I still had this possible death sentence, after all) then content.

My daughter and I have had this conversation as she is very much the same as me, where as her partner is the opposite. We've concluded, based only on this very small sample, that it's probably genetic.

Though I take the point made earlier that it could be to do with childhood experience.

I guess my baseline is content, with scatterings of sadness and happiness.

Life has been difficult, which can lead to darkness and sadness, but I also enjoy the small things in life and have a lot of love in my life.

My husband would probably say that my baseline is unpredictable.

Were you an adult when you were diagnosed with lung cancer? Was that the first prolonged frightening thing to happen to you in your life, that threatened your existence?

I'm just curious, I apologise if that's too nosy of me!

I am a glass half full person really.

I'm happy most of the time. I've had a couple of rough experiences but I'm so lucky that I have 2 happy healthy kids and that genuinely makes me so happy.
My other setting is frustration but that usually comes from a moral compass point of view.
I find this thread so interesting, so thanks OP for starting it!

I'm an up and down person and feel a lot of extremes.

I feel sad a lot but also genuinely appreciate the many good things and people in my life. I can wallow but I'm always interested in others and happy for people.

I don't think it's thst simple. But yanbu op if that's your baseline! Lucky you! 😊

Yes, my default setting is happy & contented 99% of the time. Even when I had BC a few years ago it didn't get me down for long. I think I'm just naturally ebullient, coupled with having a happy marriage, happy DCs and a very nice lifestyle. I am incredibly privileged and lucky.

@whereisitgoing well I was an adult when I was diagnosed. I kind of thought that was obvious, sorry.

was it my first time I'd had prolonged fright? No. I'd had cancer before, but again as an adult.

as a child, i had a pretty normal upbringing until I was 13 or so when my parents separated which was pretty unusual in the early 60's.

My upbringing is why I acknowledged previous poster who thought a happy/not happy dispositions could be explained by upbringing. It seems possible to me that it's that, but also possible that it's just the luck of the draw, in terms of genetic makeup.

I'm like you. I'm nearly always happy and content. I get so much pleasure from small things. We're really lucky.

I’ve always been a very happy person. I remember my grandad saying to me as a child, ‘you’ve always had such a happy disposition’ :) I ALSO suffer from anxiety but that’s honestly more
like a physical thing (symptom/imbalance) for me rather than mental. Anxious, but always baseline very happy.

Internally I’m preparing for Armageddon, financial collapse etc after my parents divorced in the early 90s and both were at risk of repossession due to frightening interest rates in the mid 90s. Both terrified of the boiler or washing machine breaking down. Credit card statements pinned alongside the school newsletter.

Externally I’m probably boring but nice, love my pets but never had human children as didn’t want to subject them to the financial terror I felt in the 90s.

DSis and I had multiple ACE's. DF was undiagnosed ADHD and sought solace for his childhood trauma by becoming a violent alcoholic. DM never stuck up for us, although she's a nice person, she's a doormat and just wants to keep the peace.
DSis has practically paid off her therapist's mortgage learning how to become happy. I should probably do the same. My default is anxiously dreading the worst all the time, but then our house was at constant risk of DF's apoplectic rage that seemingly came out of nowhere so I guess it's not surprising?

Despite some pretty horrible life traumas I am generally a happy person.
Some things I clearly can't control, but the things I can control - keeping fit, eating well, being kind - all contribute hugely to me being on the happy side.

I had a really dreadful childhood and then lots of abuse as an adult - I consider myself to be a very happy person. I've often wondered if it's survival mode - it'll be alright, everything's going to be fine, brave face, laugh through it. But maybe it's simply chemicals (natural not drugs), in the same way depression can be - as I generally do feel happy/positive, even when I don't have much to be happy about :)

I'm generally happy and would say I enjoy life and am rarely down. I can get some anxiety but it is not there most of the time. I don't think I get happiness out of little things like you though, which would be great.
I do think that most people I know well aren't particularly happy though and there is a lot of depression out there and people who don't understand how others are happy.

I'm usually generally on the cheerful side, but following a bereavement this summer it doesn't take much for me to burst into tears these days. Everything and nothing sets me off. I used to be far more resilient, but these last 6 months I'm finding it really difficult to hold it together.

Actually just started crying typing this, which kinda proves my point!

I still try to be cheerful (for the kids), but I find it quite tiring being around friends too much as it is hard keeping myself together. I'm becoming a bit reclusive.

I'm sorry you're going through that. Your experience sounds quite normal to me though. The emotional control does eventually come back but I'm still battling the reclusiveness I feel. I'm thinking of just giving into it.

I am very content and happy. People note it often and I think I have always been able to find enjoyment in ordinary things. Objectively I had some tough childhood experiences, have experienced assault and abuse and loss but I seem to be able to move on in ways that some can’t. DH has been spectacularly unwell
mentally and we are lucky to have him although he can no longer work. I had better parents than him but who knows if that made the difference.

I am like this

Not sure why

Guess I'm optimistic

I'm happy with simple things (but appreciate I'm already in a very privileged position) so this is attainable

So interesting reading all the comments! I'm pleased to see that it looks like the majority are generally happy rather than not. Quite impressed by the PPs who have managed to stay happy or content even through cancer diagnoses etc.

Like some others in tempted to say its probably genetic. There are definitely others in my family the same who have been through a lot, including some really tough childhoods in previous generations.

However there's also lots who have really struggled with their MH so maybe I just got lucky?

I definitely did grow up in a "make the most of it, don't wallow" household. I don't know if it made a difference or perhaps if I'd been a different person I would have just felt completely invalidated and misunderstood?

Genes will have an influence, but so will environment.

"Genetics loads the gun, environment pulls the trigger"