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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset about DH's photobook of DC

63 replies

grumpesaurus · 22/12/2023 12:17

Last night DH showed me a photobook he made of DC. It was 24 pages of photos, maybe every other photo was of him and DC. One was with his sister. And the only photo of me was in a photo of the both of us with DC.

I guess the history about his sister is she never even speaks to him or wants to see him. In the 9 months with DC she's only seen her once. My parents and siblings dote on DC and babysit every week and ask if we need any help.

I know it's a bit petty but we have tonnes of photos with me, my siblings etc and barely any with his sister. She honestly doesn't even care that DH had a baby. I don't mind that she's like that but it does bother me that DH is always desperate to do stuff with her or have her over when it's clear she doesn't care about him. He also doesn't see when she's being rude to him and says it's just teasing.

And back to the photobook, I mostly just feel sad there's not really one of me with DC in it. I feel like it's been such a special year so far with so many special memories and none felt or looked important enough for him to include. AIBU to feel upset?

Edit: I haven't mentioned it to him, and said it was nice as it was generally a nice thing he did.

OP posts:
Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 12:20

Just make your own photo book surely. As far as I’m aware they’re not currently rationed.

Original poster
grumpesaurus · 22/12/2023 12:23

Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 12:20

Just make your own photo book surely. As far as I’m aware they’re not currently rationed.

I know that but I don't want to make one out of retaliation. It was a genuinely nice thing he did and I feel like if I make one right now it might just look a bit petty

OP posts:
Bambi1449 · 22/12/2023 12:23

I'd be upset too and I suggest you make your own photobook which is more representative of your children's lives and who has been more present in them over the past year.

WorriedMum231 · 22/12/2023 12:26

I would be upset to but it’s probably just about him and DC and nothing to do with sis and you.

He loves your DC so much, isn’t that lovely. Do you feel a little pushed out? Try and focus on the nice parts.

MissyB1 · 22/12/2023 12:26

Just tell him. Then make a new one together.

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 22/12/2023 12:27

Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 12:20

Just make your own photo book surely. As far as I’m aware they’re not currently rationed.

How very unpleasant of you. Well done.

Cyclingforcake · 22/12/2023 12:30

Who’s the photo book for? Because if it’s for his sister that makes sense. But if it’s for you to have at home you should definitely be in it as much as he is.

StripeyDeckchair · 22/12/2023 12:40

If you don't piont out that you are in 1 photo in the whole book then he'll do the same next year & the year after....

I'd say it makes you look like a single parent and what will the kids think in 10 or 20 years when they look back at it. That mum didn't matter? Or care?
It's thoughtless and I'd be upset

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/12/2023 12:40

If it's for your child say 'that's lovely. I notice that it was mainly you and dc, so I'll make one of mummy and baby memories too. Maybe next year we could do one of all of us?'

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 22/12/2023 12:42

I bloody hate pics of myself. The only ones we have is of our wedding.. Not of me with ds and he is 9. Maybe he felt you would be mad if you didn't look your absolute best?

Original poster
grumpesaurus · 22/12/2023 12:55

Cyclingforcake · 22/12/2023 12:30

Who’s the photo book for? Because if it’s for his sister that makes sense. But if it’s for you to have at home you should definitely be in it as much as he is.

It's for our home to have as our memories. Actually he said it was just his favourite photos of DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
grumpesaurus · 22/12/2023 12:56

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 22/12/2023 12:42

I bloody hate pics of myself. The only ones we have is of our wedding.. Not of me with ds and he is 9. Maybe he felt you would be mad if you didn't look your absolute best?

It could be that as I haven't been happy with my postpartum body...

I will speak to him though as I think also what @StripeyDeckchair said is important

OP posts:
GenXisthebest · 22/12/2023 12:56

I'd be upset too OP.

JustFrustrated · 22/12/2023 12:59

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 22/12/2023 12:42

I bloody hate pics of myself. The only ones we have is of our wedding.. Not of me with ds and he is 9. Maybe he felt you would be mad if you didn't look your absolute best?

That's really sad.

He won't have any photos of him and his mum when you're gone....

TizerorFizz · 22/12/2023 13:04

@grumpesaurus I would mention it. It seems lop sided and not representative of your family. Some men are one dimensional! DH is and would say exactly what yours has said.Always would look at the quality of a photo above content! So I think you mention how lovely the book is but ask for a few more mum pictures. I’ve no doubt you will be included. Choose a few for inclusion.

Cookiecrumblepie · 22/12/2023 13:09

Just have an honest conversation OP. Your husband is a grown man for gods sake, his feelings can’t be that sensitive. Just say exactly what you think- I want to be in the photo book, I am part of this family. If you hesitate to have an honest conversation about a photo book there’s a bigger problem overall about communication

FictionalCharacter · 22/12/2023 13:33

StripeyDeckchair · 22/12/2023 12:40

If you don't piont out that you are in 1 photo in the whole book then he'll do the same next year & the year after....

I'd say it makes you look like a single parent and what will the kids think in 10 or 20 years when they look back at it. That mum didn't matter? Or care?
It's thoughtless and I'd be upset

I agree. And I think it’s weird that a father doesn’t choose photos of his kids with his wife. It’s all very self centred- “me with my kids” not “my family” (including my wife who birthed the children).

TheShellBeach · 22/12/2023 13:35

Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 12:20

Just make your own photo book surely. As far as I’m aware they’re not currently rationed.

Well they spectacularly misses the point, doesn't it.

NoSquirrels · 22/12/2023 13:35

Is it because he’s using photos he has on his own phone/computer rather than ones you’ve got?

Tinkerbyebye · 22/12/2023 13:37

Do your own photo book of you and your child and your family

Daphnis156 · 22/12/2023 13:40

With some men sensitivity and imagination are not strong points.
Try not to be hurt, there must be good ones of your daughter.

Ofcourseshecan · 22/12/2023 13:40

FictionalCharacter · 22/12/2023 13:33

I agree. And I think it’s weird that a father doesn’t choose photos of his kids with his wife. It’s all very self centred- “me with my kids” not “my family” (including my wife who birthed the children).

Show quote history

I agree. He probably didn’t mean any harm. But in a way, that’s worse. It suggests he no longer notices you much.

Ofcourseshecan · 22/12/2023 13:42

Or to be more positive, maybe he’s just so thrilled about the baby, all he can see is himself with the baby.

NoSquirrels · 22/12/2023 13:42

By the way, be careful what you wish for! My DH made a bunch of photobooks when the DC were younger and almost all the photos he chose of me were quite awful! Not deliberately, I’m sure of that - he just has an odd (to me) sense of what a good photo is - he’s against staged, prefers ‘natural’ (aka no makeup etc).And for good measure, on most of them the auto-choose layout made the terrible ones huge, and the nice ones tiny. Anyway, they’re realistic of that time in our lives, even if I look fucking knackered in most of them! And he bothered to do it, whilst I have put together zero photo books during the life of our DC. And my DC loves looking through them. Hopefully one day you’ll feel more fond of the photo book than you do right now. (And ask to get involved with the next one!)

StarlightLime · 22/12/2023 13:43

Are there as many photos of you with the baby, or are you usually the one wielding the camera?