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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset about DH's photobook of DC

63 replies

grumpesaurus · 22/12/2023 12:17

Last night DH showed me a photobook he made of DC. It was 24 pages of photos, maybe every other photo was of him and DC. One was with his sister. And the only photo of me was in a photo of the both of us with DC.

I guess the history about his sister is she never even speaks to him or wants to see him. In the 9 months with DC she's only seen her once. My parents and siblings dote on DC and babysit every week and ask if we need any help.

I know it's a bit petty but we have tonnes of photos with me, my siblings etc and barely any with his sister. She honestly doesn't even care that DH had a baby. I don't mind that she's like that but it does bother me that DH is always desperate to do stuff with her or have her over when it's clear she doesn't care about him. He also doesn't see when she's being rude to him and says it's just teasing.

And back to the photobook, I mostly just feel sad there's not really one of me with DC in it. I feel like it's been such a special year so far with so many special memories and none felt or looked important enough for him to include. AIBU to feel upset?

Edit: I haven't mentioned it to him, and said it was nice as it was generally a nice thing he did.

OP posts:
FirstTimeTTC989 · 22/12/2023 19:02

YANBU. At best, he's been a bit thoughtless. Definitely say something, that would make me so angry. You're their mum!

Original poster
grumpesaurus · 23/12/2023 06:53

Spoke to him. He said he just picked out all his favourite photos of DC and didn't even realise. And we can edit the book together and add in lots more.

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 23/12/2023 07:29

grumpesaurus · 23/12/2023 06:53

Spoke to him. He said he just picked out all his favourite photos of DC and didn't even realise. And we can edit the book together and add in lots more.

Well done, OP.

If someone doesn't know you're upset they can't do anything to fix it.

Kittylala · 23/12/2023 07:39

You could say ooh I love this book. Let's make a family one! I'm so excited Derek. Such a great idea!

InSpainTheRain · 23/12/2023 08:44

Just say "I loved that photo book idea so much I'm going to do one too". It doesn't need to be retaliation.

TizerorFizz · 23/12/2023 09:17

@InSpainTheRain The original one is being amended. No need to have competing books!

GrazingSheep · 23/12/2023 09:35

I haven't been happy with my postpartum body...

Presumably he is aware of this? And maybe he felt it would upset you if he did include more photos of you.

Floralnomad · 23/12/2023 09:39

grumpesaurus · 23/12/2023 06:53

Spoke to him. He said he just picked out all his favourite photos of DC and didn't even realise. And we can edit the book together and add in lots more.

Great result @grumpesaurus .

financialcareerstuff · 23/12/2023 10:19

Glad you spoke to him.

I think the inclusion of sister is no problem and not the point. It would bother me not to have any of you and your family.

But sounds like your DH was just very single minded, looking out photos of your DC he likes and focusing on that.

You would have thought more holistically..... how would everyone feel when they see the book? What message does it send to DC when they look at it when they are older etc..... I make a photo book every year and agonise over all these things. My DH looks at it (he's a photographer) and all he notices is my cropping decisions are wrong, and I've used low res versions or versions he hadn't improved the lighting on.... or technical quality of photos. It wouldn't occur to him to look at who was represented more or whether people actually look nice!

Just different perspectives.

Unless your DH seems to 'delete' you and your family in other ways, I'd give him a pass this time!

Im glad he's open to editing!

I'm glad

mottytotty · 23/12/2023 10:31

Are there lots of pics of him with dc?

If yes then he’s being a knob.

ChilliPB · 23/12/2023 10:36

I’d tactfully say that you loved the idea, and that you have lots of other photos and you’d like to use them to make another one, and then spend some time going through your photos together. It’ll be nice looking through photos and remembering things, and you can do it together.

This reminds me of when my husband’s parents gave us a photo book for our wedding - it had about 50 photos in of my husband with various random people and family members and I think maybe one or two of us together. Would be more understandable for his birthday but was very strange for our wedding - it looked like we had never met each other before the wedding 😂

PrincessHoneysuckle · 23/12/2023 10:39

grumpesaurus · 22/12/2023 12:17

Last night DH showed me a photobook he made of DC. It was 24 pages of photos, maybe every other photo was of him and DC. One was with his sister. And the only photo of me was in a photo of the both of us with DC.

I guess the history about his sister is she never even speaks to him or wants to see him. In the 9 months with DC she's only seen her once. My parents and siblings dote on DC and babysit every week and ask if we need any help.

I know it's a bit petty but we have tonnes of photos with me, my siblings etc and barely any with his sister. She honestly doesn't even care that DH had a baby. I don't mind that she's like that but it does bother me that DH is always desperate to do stuff with her or have her over when it's clear she doesn't care about him. He also doesn't see when she's being rude to him and says it's just teasing.

And back to the photobook, I mostly just feel sad there's not really one of me with DC in it. I feel like it's been such a special year so far with so many special memories and none felt or looked important enough for him to include. AIBU to feel upset?

Edit: I haven't mentioned it to him, and said it was nice as it was generally a nice thing he did.

I get it.
Mil treated dh awfully at times when he was a child and she's a very selfish and narcissistic woman.
He still has time for her though which I struggle to understand but I suppose it's his family at the end of the day.

Muchof · 23/12/2023 10:44

grumpesaurus · 22/12/2023 12:23

I know that but I don't want to make one out of retaliation. It was a genuinely nice thing he did and I feel like if I make one right now it might just look a bit petty

Show quote history

I am not sure what his sister has to do with this. But actually, I don’t think he did a nice thing at all, I think it was pretty awful to be honest. You are the mother of his child and it is like he wants to erase you! I don’t understand why you didn’t immediately say something though.

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