Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mortifying situation at work, how to handle it?

155 replies

CheeseCrackers45 · 21/12/2023 22:47

Hi all. Already EXTREMELY embarrassed and want advice/WWYD.

So, I was on my break at work today and am on my period. Went to the bathroom, changed my pad, wrapped the used one in a bag and put it on the bin in preparation to put it in, but was in such a rush that I completely forgot to. Went back to work and suddenly remembered after about 15 minutes, but before I had a chance to excuse myself to put it in the bin, I overheard a colleague reporting to our manager that she'd found a used sanitary towel in the bathroom! I then overheard her talking and laughing about it with other colleagues, making fun of the thickness of the pad and how it reminded her of a nappy etc (I have endo so have really really heavy periods that only very big pads are able to handle).

I then overheard two managers talking about how they're going to hold a meeting with all the staff about keeping the bathrooms tidy/using facilities provided tomorrow.

I am absolutely mortified and embarrassed. I know I should have remembered to put it in the bin and nobody else should have to see it, but it was a genuine slip of memory.

Nobody has any idea that it was me (nobody saw me enter or leave the bathroom and nobody else was in there) but I'm terrified they'll be able to check CCTV in the hallway etc. I'm thinking of not saying anything and feigning ignorance when it's brought up but I'm so worried that I'll give myself away and thinking of discretely taking my manager aside and admitting it was me but that it was a genuine mistake and apologising profusely. However, my manager is a man and I'm not sure how understanding he would be.

Thankfully we finish for Christmas break tomorrow so hopefully it'll all be forgotten by the time we come back 😅

YABU - Come clean
YANBU - Don't say anything

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 22/12/2023 01:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Probably

Cattenberg · 22/12/2023 01:16

Don’t say anything. Once, when I was at a motorway service station, I had an unusually heavy period and felt faint and awful. A few minutes after leaving the toilet, I realised I’d forgotten to put my used sanitary towel in the bin. I went back, but the cubicle had been locked and had an “out of order” sign on it. I felt pretty guilty.

But don’t say anything, OP. No good will come of it.

Grendell · 22/12/2023 01:21

Oh, I would confess. I would own that shit. I would describe what happened in graphic detail standing at a podium in a conference room.

Why? Because they started it.

Perhaps in the future your colleagues will practice kindness and discretion instead of mocking the situation. I might also mention "karma" in my speech.

Eaglemom · 22/12/2023 01:23

Lots of places have the bags provided now. My work does and they’ve been there ages. I’ve seen them in loads of places, completely normal now.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/12/2023 01:31

Christ what is wrong with people?!

"This has never happened to me therefore this must be made up!"

To the troll hunters, be fucking grateful that you have never worked anywhere this regimented. It happens. The reason that your big important jobs make so much money is because hundreds of thousands of people are working at the shitty end.....packing boxes, picking orders, driving the delivery van that you are kicking off about being 10 minutes late......... Some places really do time loo breaks, there was an big issue in a distribution centre near where I live because several women were disciplined for taking too long when they where menstruating so it took longer and "quick piss and out". I seem to recall that Amazon had (has, not sure) a similar system where if you dont pick enough orders then you are disciplined but it didnt take into account that toilet breaks take longer with digestive issues, periods etc. If it wasnt Amazon it was another big company.

Be fucking grateful that your online Xmas orders are happening because some poor cow works at the other end of the line from you.

nmchg · 22/12/2023 01:36

The bit I'm struggling to believe is that so many previous posters seem to think grown women wouldn't be like this. I previously worked in an all female environment for two decades. Yes they absolutely can and are that childish and unprofessional- and more often than you might expect. Our most judgy was actually our manager which was awful. She would take great delight in talking loudly about other colleagues and sharing whatever gossip she had about them regardless of whether it was true or not. Reporting her made no difference as area management thought she was amazing and were equally a group of quite nasty women too. This was a retail role, yes it does happen. We also had a box of nappy sacks for disposing of sanitary products and were told it was the company who provided the bin that insisted on that- no idea if that was right or not but it was what we were told (by a sign in the loo). OP feign ignorance if it is brought up but make a mental note to not get into work gossip with that person at any time in the future. Oh and nappy sacks are a little see through.

uclpp · 22/12/2023 01:37

It was bagged
it was clearly an oversight

the gossipy woman who was yapping about the thickness of it is simply a complete bitch

id say nothing and do nothing

even if they find out it was you, it’s hardly the crime of the century. It’s literally nothing. What is t nothing is the bitch woman though. Steer clear of her.

nmchg · 22/12/2023 01:41

MolkosTeenageAngst · 22/12/2023 00:28

Some women are unfortunately horrible and judgemental when it comes to periods. I had a good friend, in her late 40s, make a bitchy comment about people who use sanitary towels instead of tampons, saying they’re disgusting and it’s gross to walk around with blood sitting in a pad in your underwear. and she couldn’t understand why any woman wouldn’t use tampons. I didn’t feel able to say to her that I use sanitary towels as after being raped whilst on my period I found inserting them can trigger flashbacks and her words left me feeling really shamed and anxious about my period for several months afterwards. We’re no longer friends now after I wet the bed whilst on a night away with a group including her and she was even more awful about that, I guess at least you know to avoid these bitchy women at work now.

So sorry that happened to you. Sounds like you are much better off without her as a friend at least.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 22/12/2023 02:34

elizzza · 21/12/2023 23:25

I wonder this too. You “put it on the bin in preparation to put it in” - what does that even mean? What preparation is there - surely if there’s a bin in the cubicle you put it straight in? And if it was rolled up in a bag how would colleague even see the thickness?

Anyway, if it did happen your colleagues are bizarrely immature. Definitely no need to confess.

Show quote history

The kind of san bin that opens with a pedal cannot be opened whilst sitting on the toilet, so you have to put the used pad on top whilst you finish up on the throne, then stand up to open the san bin.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 22/12/2023 02:42

Totally different idea here:
Scenario 1
Attend meeting
Likely manager/management team will be brief and not say anything specific, ie just a reminder to be considerate and clean up after yourselves in the bathroom.

You: I think this has come up because I accidentally forgot to throw away my used sanitary pad which I had wrapped and placed on the counter. Sorry about that.

I'd also like to add that I was completely mortified to overhear "X" complaining about it to Manager "X" and then her subsequent joking about it to "X, X and X."
Surely we are past the age to joke about period products?

Scenario 2:
Meeting doesn't happen and you send email saying same to CEO.

Call people out on their shit, OP.

😁💡

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 22/12/2023 02:44

nmchg · 22/12/2023 01:36

The bit I'm struggling to believe is that so many previous posters seem to think grown women wouldn't be like this. I previously worked in an all female environment for two decades. Yes they absolutely can and are that childish and unprofessional- and more often than you might expect. Our most judgy was actually our manager which was awful. She would take great delight in talking loudly about other colleagues and sharing whatever gossip she had about them regardless of whether it was true or not. Reporting her made no difference as area management thought she was amazing and were equally a group of quite nasty women too. This was a retail role, yes it does happen. We also had a box of nappy sacks for disposing of sanitary products and were told it was the company who provided the bin that insisted on that- no idea if that was right or not but it was what we were told (by a sign in the loo). OP feign ignorance if it is brought up but make a mental note to not get into work gossip with that person at any time in the future. Oh and nappy sacks are a little see through.

Of course women can be awful and petty.

I once had someone else's manager complain to her junior who I was friendly with about how unprofessional she thought my clothing was. I wore safety boots and trousers with kneepads built-in because some elements of that job involved crawling on the floor, pulling cabling through ducts, and lifting heavy objects, but she didn't like me not wearing business casual.

My friend pointed the physical parts of my job out to her and so she bullied my friend until HR had to get involved and move her.

My manager had no problem with what I wore and wore similar himself, as did the rest of my team. Yet it was me, the only woman in my team, that she moaned about.

✅Holding women to higher standards of dress than men.
✅ Shitting on her female junior.
✅ Being hostile towards women in technical and practical roles.

She was a walking internalised misogyny checklist.

nmchg · 22/12/2023 02:49

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia your poor friend (and you of course) It is awful how some people just never leave high school in terms of their attitudes. It's so good your friend stuck up for you at least!

HoppingPavlova · 22/12/2023 03:00

Don't let anyone shame you for the most natural thing in the world

I think you’ve missed the point of the upcoming meeting. It’s not shaming anyone for menstruating, or the state of their flow. It’s shaming someone for not disposing of their used sanitary products and leaving them lying about for someone else to dispose of.

People can be proud of menstruating and walk around with pads/tampons/moon cups balancing on their heads for all anyone cares, it’s leaving those used pads/tampons/moon cups lying around for others to dispose of that’s the issue. It was a mistake in OP’s part but I do understand the outrage that has precipitated a meeting to make clear this is unacceptable.

endlessdarkness · 22/12/2023 03:05

It was a mistake and your colleagues were insensitive. For all they know it could have been one of them. I wouldn't worry about it. I also wouldn't worry if they did check the CCTV. I'm sure plenty of women go in and out and it could be any one of them. Just pretend you know nothing.

Ownedbyabeagle · 22/12/2023 03:05

@Firefly2009 A factory that mandates women wrap their sanitary pads in bags before disposing of them. They give you the bags? Is it part of your induction into the company?
I've never heard of this, ever, anywhere.

Bags are often provided, my work provides them as does my gym. They are in a dispenser on the back of the door.

Firefly2009 · 22/12/2023 03:25

Providing bags is one thing in the toilets, sure. I misread/misunderstood it as they were given to the women to use, as though it was mandatory.

Firefly2009 · 22/12/2023 03:27

I think the best way to handle this is to say and do absolutely nothing.

I just think your workplace isn't great, but I'm sure you know that better than anyone.

ValerieMoore · 22/12/2023 04:21

If I were you, and I was brave, I would admit it in front of everyone and say this is why we shouldn’t have to work when we’re bleeding.

MsLavender · 22/12/2023 04:32

Admit it, apologise and explain it was a mistake. Then also mention you'd heard period shaming comments around the workplace since the incident and that whilst you appreciate it wasn't nice for a colleague to find, you had hoped that as grown adults that they wouldn't have seen fit to be so malicious, immature and misogynistic about such a thing.

Scalottia · 22/12/2023 05:03

Sure, this definitely happened.

DeeLusional · 22/12/2023 05:51

I've done it. What puzzles me is that the colleague who found it seems to have given it a close inspection. If OP had wrapped it up in a bag how did she know how thick it was?

Threewheeler1 · 22/12/2023 06:20

JANEY205 · 21/12/2023 23:22

Also period pants don’t work for those of us with bad endo! I have to wear the heaviest tampon and two pads OR a nappy. It’s terrible!!

Me too. Period pants would be utterly pointless. I have to get padded up like the apocalypse is coming!

TheRealProfessorYaffle · 22/12/2023 06:23

What horrid colleagues. I would bet that if that happened at my workplace no one would have mentioned it, and anyone saying anything nasty would have been definitely given side eye. Reflects on them not you.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 22/12/2023 06:24

. How old is your colleague, 13.

Itdjgsurchg · 22/12/2023 06:24

penjil · 22/12/2023 00:51

Amazed that so many people don't believe the OP.

I've worked in places with bitchy women, who would make a huge childish deal out of it too.

It doesn't always happen in offices.... other work places exist.

Same! Im more shocked at the responses than the OP. In the factory I worked in the women would have had a field day over something like this. A bit of excitement from
the boring production line and in fact the toilets were often discussed- a bad smell left, how long someone was in there etc. I’m sure there won’t be a serious sit down meeting, they’ll just huddle everyone together and tell them to keep the toilets clean. Probably won’t even mention finding the pad, especially if it’s a male manager.

I am also surprised people have not heard of bags for sanitary bags. They are like doggy bags but normally purple and smell of lavender. In my last office job we had a box of bags and air freshener on the side and had signs up telling us to bag and bin sanitary products and other signs to tell us to flush and spray.

Op I would stay quiet. I am sure they wont try to find the culprit.