Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am I being wrongly suspicious?

67 replies

Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:14

This is an odd one that I could do with some opinions on please.
things have been strained between my husband and me for some time now and as a result sex life has been pretty non existent. We are trying to work through things but I’m not sure we’ll make it long term. We have 3 kids all under 7 and he works away 2 weeks on, home 2
weeks,
recently our eldest son had to stay in hospital overnight for a routine test. For a few reasons we decided it was best for my husband to stay with him overnight while I stayed at home with the other 2. This was a few weeks ago and last night my son said something really odd to me ☹️he said very seriously that when he was in hospital, in the evening a woman came to visit them and brought q present for him and a coffee for his dad and her and his dad were laughing a lot and as she lefy he saw them hold hands and he saw them kiss. He said he didn’t want me to be sad so was telling me. i didn't want to grill him but he said it wasn't a nurse as she was wearing a black jumper and jeans and left quickly.
i mentioned this as causally as i could this morning to my husband and he laughed it off saying nonsense, it must have been a nurse or another parent on the ward stopping to chat, or someone from the charity workers who give out small gifts to children and a toothbrush care package to parents. but something in his "whaaat? nonsense" response just didn't feel right somehow.
something is ringing alarm bells for me as my son doesn't lie, he does have an imagination yes but this was so so specific down to the clothes she wore. I just don't know what to do next ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:16

I should add my son did come home with a small fidget toy that I assumed my husband bought him but he now says it was this “woman” ☹️☹️

OP posts:
Mostlyoblivious · 21/12/2023 22:20

I’m really sorry OP - no advice really. Take the time to decide if you want this relationship or not and then take action - if staying then insist on honesty and relationship counselling and if leaving I would appear to accept husbands poor attempt to pass it off and bide my time to gather myself and forward plans

hope your DS test went well

EdinGirl · 21/12/2023 22:23

It would be very odd for a child to make up a lie that specific, including her clothes and the coffee etc and it has obviously been playing on his mind as feeling weird.

If it was me and my husband didn't immediately say some very plausible and casual explanation like -
"oh that was Kathy from xyz, she was here for xyz and popped in" (for example)

Then I would be highly suspicious and inclined to take what my child was saying at face value.

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:23

Thank you, his test did go fine. I am just thrown as we have been trying to work thru things but it’s hard especially with him being away 2 weeks every fortnight and I find him hard to read so no idea if this is all a giant misunderstanding for my son or if there could be truth to it which would be a deal breaker for me.
but how on Earth can I find out what really happened? I guess I can’t ☹️also aware I risk sounding bonkers even thinking it could be true?

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 21/12/2023 22:23

It seems an odd thing for your child to make up, so I think it’s most likely true.
No advice really, take time to consider what you want and make plans.

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:24

Yes I thought that too- he said she had short blonde hair, a black jumper and jeans so he knows she’s not a nurse. ☹️

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 21/12/2023 22:25

Even if she was a nurse going off duty the kiss would be odd.

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:25

I just can’t get my head on it- why on Earth would he invite someone he was cheating on me with to the hospital? It makes no sense at all.

OP posts:
flowerchild2000 · 21/12/2023 22:26

I think it will save you a lot more pain to believe it and move on.

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:26

i didnt think of a nurse going off duty.

and it would be odd as far as I’m aware he doesn’t know any nurses at all ☹️

OP posts:
Musntapplecrumble · 21/12/2023 22:26

Have u told all the details to dh, including toy?

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2023 22:27

Well I'd be thinking the worst and going full blown detective trying to get to the bottom of it.

Pottedpalm · 21/12/2023 22:27

Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:25

I just can’t get my head on it- why on Earth would he invite someone he was cheating on me with to the hospital? It makes no sense at all.

Maybe it was her idea to turn up, knowing that you would have to be at hime with the other children

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 21/12/2023 22:28

Seems like a weird thing to make up so I would probably believe your son.

It is strange that your husband would get some woman to come to the hospital though, especially if he was only in for the night as he wouldn't have got much out of it. Maybe he just thought he could get away with it.

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:28

Yes and he just basically laughed it off saying nonsense, it will have either been a nurse or a charity worker or another parent on the ward (apparently they all chatted and brought each other a drink on ward if one went to cafe etc as the kids were all there for same test). He said the toy was given by the charity workers who also gave him an overnight package of a toothbrush and flannel. It sounded believable but I don’t get it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:30

I have no idea how to be a detective ☹️

and yes I can’t imagine him inviting someone in for a visit and kissing her, it’s all just so strange. But until now it never crossed my mind this could happen.

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 21/12/2023 22:32

Hmm.. I think I would let it lie until Christmas is over and then see if there are any signs of a problem. How far away does he work? Is it a closed place like a rig or is there opportunity for a whole other life?

Musntapplecrumble · 21/12/2023 22:32

Wow, if he's lying it sounds like he's doing a good job...I guess comes down to how well he can tell porkies!
Glad ds OK

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:33

He works a mix of on rigs but also on shore, just stays away for those 2 weeks at a time so it’s not impossible he’s met someone but I really didn’t think he had☹️

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 21/12/2023 22:34

Is it far, distance wise, from
your home?

Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:34

That’s the thing, neither of us ever lie really (or so I thought ☹️) so I’ve not really any idea if he would be good at this or not ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:35

It depends - can be 1 hour - 5 hours away, job depending.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 21/12/2023 22:36

You have a choice to believe it and ask him leave which would be a bit extreme this close to christmas with no actual evidence...or if you think you can,try to put it to the back of your mind wait it out until after Christmas. And then revisit if you still feel uneasy about it or notice anything off.

Musntapplecrumble · 21/12/2023 22:37

Aww guess u gotta just let it go but be vigilant at the same time, keep your eyes open for anything else a bit off...hope it's all over nothing...

Pottedpalm · 21/12/2023 22:38

Sunbeamsandshadows · 21/12/2023 22:35

It depends - can be 1 hour - 5 hours away, job depending.

So this ‘visitor’ not likely to be local.
if it wasn’t for the kiss, his explanation sounds plausible. Could it have been a kiss on the cheek type if hug? I suppose you don’t want to quiz DS too much.