am I being wrongly suspicious?

[Sunbeamsandshadows]

This is an odd one that I could do with some opinions on please.
things have been strained between my husband and me for some time now and as a result sex life has been pretty non existent. We are trying to work through things but I’m not sure we’ll make it long term. We have 3 kids all under 7 and he works away 2 weeks on, home 2
weeks,
recently our eldest son had to stay in hospital overnight for a routine test. For a few reasons we decided it was best for my husband to stay with him overnight while I stayed at home with the other 2. This was a few weeks ago and last night my son said something really odd to me ☹️he said very seriously that when he was in hospital, in the evening a woman came to visit them and brought q present for him and a coffee for his dad and her and his dad were laughing a lot and as she lefy he saw them hold hands and he saw them kiss. He said he didn’t want me to be sad so was telling me. i didn't want to grill him but he said it wasn't a nurse as she was wearing a black jumper and jeans and left quickly.
i mentioned this as causally as i could this morning to my husband and he laughed it off saying nonsense, it must have been a nurse or another parent on the ward stopping to chat, or someone from the charity workers who give out small gifts to children and a toothbrush care package to parents. but something in his "whaaat? nonsense" response just didn't feel right somehow.
something is ringing alarm bells for me as my son doesn't lie, he does have an imagination yes but this was so so specific down to the clothes she wore. I just don't know what to do next ☹️

So brazen, I mean I guess if this is a long term relationship she may have wanted to see him but I can't believe it would all be going in under my nose and me miss it all ☹️my dad had an affair and my mum only found out when i happened to walk in when he was on the phone to her and i heard enough to tell my mum and then the truth all came out and he was the most unlikely person to have an affair so i know it can happen ☹️

no- we have seperate accounts but a joint account for bills so no, i wouldn’t know if he was spending money on meals or anything with her ☹️☹️do you really think they’d meet just for 10 mins when our son was in hospital? My head just can’t imagine this but I know I’m naive ☹️☹️

Men do some strange things, my friends ex husband took her oldest child about three or four to stay at his girlfriends house for the night, while she was in hospital giving birth to their second child.

If it’s GOSH then they have ward liaisons and very lovely nurses and they know when people are popping around with presents - as big a place as it is, they do know the comings and goings.

It is odd - running the scenario that he is having an affair then it’s a bit cocky to invite her and either not care that DS would note something, think he wasn’t capable of understanding (still under the arrogant heading!) or felt able to call his son a liar if he did say something, which the dismissal could well be. If it is an affair, it might be a sign she wants to get to know the children or have a bit of a saviour complex. It clearly unsettled your boy and you haven’t been able to dismiss it so it’s clearly unsettled you.

Check his phone when he is next asleep if you feel you are being lied to. Go from there. I’m sorry you’re having to countenance any of this OP.

I'd check his social media see if he's friends with anyone matching that description and I probably would check his phone even though it's wrong to do so.

I think your boy could have misinterpreted a handshake/handclasp and an air kiss. Some people are effusive and kiss everyone they know.

Was he anesthetized? That can muddle things.

Was your husband keen to accompany him to hospital?

Do you know any of the other parents who were at the hospital at the same time?
Could you talk to one of them?

As I've said in another post, I think a good metric of relationship stability is sharing phones. Let your phone drain and simply ask him if you can borrow his phone to look up train times, theatre tickets etc. If he makes up some excuse, then feel free to worry. I'd have no qualms about handing my phone over, ever.

But secondary questions... does he seem happier? More evasive? Is he generally hiding his phone or messaging more?

Make plans to leave/make sure you can leave. Can’t offer anything other than sympathy as it does sound fishy

Perhaps have another chat with him, this time with more details

I don’t know who would have been in at that time so no one to message ☹️

it so hard to say as things have been not great between us for a while so we yes he is on his phone a lot etc but he does have a lot of work admin to do when not away so I’ve never really bothered about it, but now I’m wondering if he could be in touch with someone? It’s just I can’t wrap my head around it. I wouldn’t know the first thing about hiring a private detective and it feels sort of movie like to do it, again perhaps in naive but is this really something people do in normal every day life? I worry if I’m wrong here and my husband found out I’d hired a detective to follow him he’d be either worried for my mental health or really angry (I can’t imagine if the roles were reversed and u I found out he’d paid someone to follow me and take pictures without me knowing) ☹️

It's a very odd thing for your son to make up, but he was in a stressful and unusual environment, so not beyond the realms of possibility he's mistaken or dreamt it. I think in the absence of any other suspicions you've really got no choice but to put it down to this. I'd certainly be a bit more vigilant going forward though.

I feel sad for your son. He is worried and he told you what he believes he saw so regardless of whether your DH is having an affair or not, your son thinks he is and will be terrified of the consequences/fall out. Yet he told you which suggests that his love for you is greater than his fear which is so sweet. Whilst you try to work out your next move, please do not forget that he is feeling confused, sad, nervous, worried. And this is not his fault.

Okay so to check his past location you need to be able to get into his phone (which phone is it?) and if he is logged into gmail then that is a good way to check as Google location services are usually on by default (some people choose to switch them off but for most they are on in the background all the time). So let me know what type of phone he has and whether you can get into it when he’s asleep: I would be looking through all messages in case he has forgotten to delete some, his WhatsApp, (including any deleted folder) his emails, and to check his past location history you need to go into Google and if he’s logged in to any Google account then click on the initials in the top right, then “manage Google account”, then “manage your data and privacy”, then “things you’ve done and places you’ve been” and then check on that page whether location history is on or off/paused? If it is on you can click on that or the maps timeline to see where he’s been.

Can you check his phone? I suspected my ex was cheating on me for a while but whenever I questioned anything I was crazy. I eventually checked his phone and found all the evidence in black and white. Any old phones lying about you can check?

It might be nothing, maybe your son was confused with being ill but you won't know for sure unless you check!