Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas ruined - what do I do?

390 replies

Mummytotwonow · 21/12/2023 21:58

My 8yr old has hunted and found all the Christmas presents wrapped up for her and her brother. I have spent bloody weeks getting the presents, organising fun things to do, school admin, whilst juggling FT work and all the other mental load women have to do. This has just fking topped it off. What’s the bloody point. Do I just tell her there’s no father Xmas and ruin Xmas for her and her brother or do I re-wrap everything? I feel like fking walking away. I’ve had enough :(

OP posts:
Wordlecurdle · 21/12/2023 23:11

I remember as a kid hunting for Christmas presents. Felt like a naughty thing to do but so tempting and exciting at the same time. Finding some presents just felt like a validation for what I was doing, and after finding them it didn’t ruin anything for me. Just made me more excited for the big day.

this hasn’t ruined Christmas for your kids. I’m confident in saying that. It has probably just made them feel more excited. So don’t sweat it OP. Kids are inquisitive young things, and they’ll absolutely love the day nonetheless. I’d rewrap them (if they did unwrap them), and just not worry about it.

Testina · 21/12/2023 23:12

Take 5 minutes to feel pissed off to get it out of your system. Then get over it.

This will just become an anecdote to embarrass her with when she’s older.

But for now:

  1. tell her that Santa can’t actually always make so many deliveries in one night and often drops early but she mustn’t tell her brother
  2. have a think about why you’re so done in with “mental load” that this has broken you. Either someone in your household isn’t pulling their weight or you’re choosing to take on too much.
LilBooThang · 21/12/2023 23:13

Santa delivers things in advance sometimes if he's got a lot of presents for all the children in the world.

He then comes along on Christmas Eve and puts them out for her if she's been good!

Mariposistaa · 21/12/2023 23:14

Christmas is ruined is a bit of a sweeping statement. It isn’t all about presents

Cornishclio · 21/12/2023 23:14

If she only found the presents but didn't unwrap them then just carry on as normal. What did you say to her when you realised she had found them?

Lots of kids go hunting round this time and still don't let on because they worry they won't get presents if they admit they know Father Christmas isn't real. I know you want to keep the magic alive but a lot of 8 year olds know the presents are from their parents. Tricky one to tell her to keep the secret from her younger brother. Christmas isn't ruined though,

maybein2022 · 21/12/2023 23:15

If she hasn’t unwrapped them- there is no issue. Yes it’s a bit sad she’s now found them and so will realise (if she hasn’t already!) that Father Christmas doesn’t exist, but honestly aged 8 it’s no bad thing. My personal view is I wouldn’t be telling her any more lies, wouldn’t be re-wrapping anything or buying her anything else, or keeping some for her birthday- she’s 8 not 4. Explain to her, without getting cross, that she’s found the gifts, have the ‘Santa isn’t real’ chat, if her brother is younger than her, make sure she gets that she is ‘in on’ the special secret and to keep it special for him. You sound really stressed OP, don’t overthink this.

HungryandIknowit · 21/12/2023 23:16

sprigatito · 21/12/2023 22:54

Surely you haven't got to child-bearing age without realising that not every family does Santa the same way? No?

Show quote history

Santa's being fairly generous nowadays it seems. More than a few satsumas and a pair of pants.

Barleysugar86 · 21/12/2023 23:16

If her birthday is NYE she is about to turn 9. Just carry on like it didn't happen and let it confirm her suspicions in a quiet way. It's time.

Sunnydays0101 · 21/12/2023 23:17

Buy gift bags, unwrapped the wrapped gifts and stick them into the gift bags unwrapped.

AShiningThongOfAngels · 21/12/2023 23:17

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/12/2023 22:27

You'll laugh about this when she's an adult. What's the big deal? Pour yourself a glass of wine and put your feet up,just crack on as normal.

This.

I am surprised that there is so little understanding of young children on a website designed to "make parents' lives easier" (or whatever guff it is).

Christmas is still desperately exciting to an 8 yr old regardless of whether they believe in Father Christmas or not. How horrible some of you are, to jump immediately to thinking of the ways in which she could and should be "punished".

You all need to remember that children's brains work differently from ours. And in fact even if the child had unwrapped everything, she would still be excited to receive the same presents on Christmas Day.

It is not a big deal, or even a small deal.

WillowCraft · 21/12/2023 23:17

Mummytotwonow · 21/12/2023 22:12

It’s always been all presents for Santa. Her birthday is on the NYE so I think she might have been hunting to see presents for that. I know it’s not the end of the world, but it just feel so crap. It’s knocked any excitement or Xmas spirit out of me.

Bit sad if all Christmas joy is built on a lie. Christmas does not need to be just about santa bringing piles of presents. It's about generosity and love. It's ok if she knows that you put a lot of effort in. 8 is old enough now to take some responsibility. Have a conversation and see what she thinks and take it from there

Salome61 · 21/12/2023 23:17

So very sorry. My son was friends with someone I didn't like but I did let her come and play when he asked. When I'd taken her home he burst into tears and said she'd 'made' him look for his Christmas presents and they'd found them. He didn't ask if she could come round again.

AutumnMistletoe · 21/12/2023 23:17

Sorry OP that's not what you need at all. I tell my DC that they get one present from Santa and the rest is from us or other family. I'd explain to DD that it was naughty to open her presents early and she's not allowed to have any of them until Christmas Day. Personally I would rewrap them and carry on as it nothing happened. The Christmas spirit doesn't have to be lost here.

BombaySamphire · 21/12/2023 23:18

Lol at “Santa only brings satsumas, doesn’t he?”
Your parents clearly couldn’t bear not to get full credit.

MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy · 21/12/2023 23:19

OP we all did this as kids! Don't stress it's not ruined, just tell them Santa is coming to get them over the next couple of days

WowOK · 21/12/2023 23:23

I'd just put them under the tree as is. If it ruins the magic for then so be it. That's a natural consequence and is what happens when you go hunting for gifts.

Universalsnail · 21/12/2023 23:24

She's 8. I wouldn't re wrap them. She's old enough to work out for her self that Santa isn't real. Which she's probably doing now. She didn't unwrap them. Christmas isn't ruined.

PollyPut · 21/12/2023 23:26

Ruined? If the house had a burst pipe and flooded, that would be ruined. Or a burglary. It's not as bad as it could be try to put it in perperspective and relax a bit.

though I would be really annoyed with them for hunting around. Certainly wouldn't re-wrap.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 21/12/2023 23:29

BombaySamphire · 21/12/2023 23:18

Lol at “Santa only brings satsumas, doesn’t he?”
Your parents clearly couldn’t bear not to get full credit.

Hmm

My parents couldn't afford to give full credit to Father Christmas. When I was the age of the OP's daughter, it was still a wonderful and exciting thing that we rented our own house, instead of renting a room in a bed-sit with a shared bathroom and kitchen between multiple unrelated tenants. If parents in my family's position had given "full credit" to Father Christmas, the natural question for any child would have been, "why am I on Father Christmas's naughty list?" Lol.

I regret to tell you that income inequalities have persisted into the 21st century, to the extent that we now have food banks. So there will be many families who simply cannot afford to indulge the fiction that Father Christmas brings everything.

Beesandhoney123 · 21/12/2023 23:31

If she goes to school imagine she knows there is no santa. She is a child getting excited and my dc did the same. They didn't open them either. The next year they didn't look, as didn't want to spoil things fir themselves. We didn't make a scene or punish anyone. Just say oops, santa dropped them off... its no big deal.
Really, it's not. Don't they go under the tree as people drop them off?

And how do you get your dc to write thank you letters if they think its santa?

Don't ruin it all by being grumpy. My dc think santa does the stockings - well they don't but like to pretend- and we/ other gifters take the credit for everything else.

Don't understand giving santa credit for finding perfect presents. You do know your dh buys your gifts? :)

Tighginn · 21/12/2023 23:31

She probably went hunting after playground chit chat...

MistletoeandJd · 21/12/2023 23:34

In our house Santa brings one present +stockings this was introduced from an old school in a disadvantaged area. As she's getting older you could maybe combine this ? I.e wrap ONE present each in different wrapping paper and explain to her that mummy buys most of the presents and santa brings one ?

Youregoingthewrongway · 21/12/2023 23:34

Christmas ruined for who, OP? Your DD or you?Because it sounds to me like you’re pissed off that your dd has done something that you perceive as hurtful to you, not that you’re upset for her that she may have lost the magic of believing in Santa.
She’s only 8 and excited about Xmas, in what way is that hurtful??? Annoying, yes. Frustrating, yes. Tiring, definitely. But to find it hurtful is weird.

WillowCraft · 21/12/2023 23:35

Bellie710 · 21/12/2023 22:58

This is where things are all wrong and people who can not afford Xmas come off badly. In our house Santa has always brought an inexpensive gift and the stockings, telling your child that santa bought a PS5 is so wrong and just makes so many problems at school when another child gets a jigsaw or a book and wonders why Santa didn't spend as much money on them. Wrap one present from Santa and claim the rest as your own.

Show quote history

I really don't think it's going to help the child without the ps5 to know that Santa didn't bring it. They are still poor.

Anyway you can't just suddenly change your traditions. Why tell more lies. Child obviously knows or they wouldn't have looked. It's a normal part of growing up. Just go with the flow.

MistletoeandJd · 21/12/2023 23:36

Also op you are doing amazing 👏 I hope someone also treats you this Christmas!=)