Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

13yo has had no interaction with opposite sex

83 replies

MissChristmasChild · 21/12/2023 18:44

I am the youngest of 3 siblings. We are all married and my siblings have children. Brother has 2 girls, aged 14 and 6. Bro and SIL are very opinionated and I don’t see them often. Sister and BIL have two boys, aged 4 and 18 month old. BIL is relaxed and I see them often.

We have all gathered for the annual pre-Christmas do at my parents.

Today at lunch, my brother complained our sister’s boys are too noisy, badly behaved. Thinking he was overreacting, I made remark about how my brother must have seen the same behaviour in his daughters’ male friends or his own mates’ sons.

My 14 yo niece replied that she has no male friends, and never has. She has been in a single sex school since she was 4 and all her school friends only have sisters. My brother has a group of friends they regularly meet up with who only have daughters. The girls’ extra activities (drama, music swimming) have been mainly with their school friends so few boys there. Neighbours have boys but my brother doesn’t like any of the parents / kids so they don’t interact. They see the odd friend with boys younger than her once every few months or so, but for her whole life, my 14yo niece has never had any meaningful interactions with boys her own age.

I am taken aback. I’m all for single sex education, but how will so little contact with peers from the opposite sex prepare her for the real world where males exist? She is shy and a little awkward, but wants to go to university and wants a big career.

I didn’t reply but my face has clearly given something away as brother is hounding me to share what is bothering me. How do I tell him the truth without coming across as a know it all? Sorry if the above comes across a bit confusing or judgy. Am
I unreasonable to have concerns?

OP posts:

OlympicProcrastinator · 21/12/2023 18:46

Don’t.
Nothing good can come of it. It’s not your place and while I agree with your concerns, voicing them seems like a very bad idea.

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/12/2023 18:47

I think you could just tell him you were surprised she doesn't know any boys without any judgement. Then say 'Oh well she'll meet plenty of boys at university' and let him join the dots.

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 18:48

Yeah seems a little odd but no I don't see it as something needing to be said

givethedoggerbone · 21/12/2023 18:49

Genuinely worse things happen at sea.

And from your language I'm sensing you don't like your brother and SIL much. I don't like posts that invite others to do the bitching.

So YABU.

Thesearmsofmine · 21/12/2023 18:50

I wouldn’t say anything other than you were surprised. It’s probably not as unusual as you might think.

PinotViogner · 21/12/2023 18:50

I agree that it's extremely odd but I think bringing it up would just be opening a can of worms. Probably best to not push it but bloody hell I can see why it's worrying to hear!

NumberTheory · 21/12/2023 18:50

You can tell him the truth without coming across as a know it all by not talking about it as though you know it all when you speak with him. Say something like you were really surprised that DN had no male friends but that it’s not really anything to do with you.

TheKeatingFive · 21/12/2023 18:50

I was probably the same at that age. By 16 it was a different story. I couldn't get worked up about it tbh.

WashItTomorrow · 21/12/2023 18:51

I don’t think it’s particularly odd. When I was a young teen, I had my younger sister and female friends at school -mixed comprehensive. While I did know the boys at school, I didn’t hang out with them or would call any of them friends particularly. My hobbies at that age were ballet and Guides, so all girls there.

minipie · 21/12/2023 18:53

I had a similar upbringing and little experience of boys until I occasionally met a few age 15+ and then obviously lots more at university and beyond.

I had no issues interacting with boys once I did get to know some. Overall, I think there were many pros to my single sex experience during the early teens especially.

And tbh I don’t agree with your stereotyping that boys are noisy and rowdy vs girls. Maybe your nephews are actually a bit OTT and need to be told to pipe down rather than your “this is how boys are” reaction?

ProfessorPeppy · 21/12/2023 18:53

My cousin has two DDs, and only likes/comments on social media posts featuring people’s daughters. It’s like she’s disgusted by boys. It’s honestly bananas, but SO MANY people are like this, and don’t encourage their daughters to have friends of the opposite sex, as if they’ll catch something if they do.

I have two (gorgeous) DS and she’s never commented on any of my posts.

NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 21/12/2023 18:53

I wouldn't say anything. It's not really anything to do with you and I imagine that voicing your opinion wouldn't be well received.

WASZPy · 21/12/2023 18:55

She'll be fine. I went to a girls' school from 4 and did a very time-consuming all female sport. I'd certainly never really talked to a boy before the 6th form.

I had no problems finding a nice boyfriend in the upper 6th, got on fine with the boys at university and have been happily married for 20 years.

What exactly do you think the problem is going to be?

Neriah · 21/12/2023 18:55

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/12/2023 18:47

I think you could just tell him you were surprised she doesn't know any boys without any judgement. Then say 'Oh well she'll meet plenty of boys at university' and let him join the dots.

Love this response.

But I wouldn't be so sure that what your brother thinks is going on, and the truth, are not exactly the same thing. I've seen single sex schools and their pupils...

Butchyrestingface · 21/12/2023 18:55

my 14yo niece has never had any meaningful interactions with boys her own age.

She clearly hasn't had any meaningful interaction with her aunt either, if you did not know any of this stuff until today, when she is 14 years old.

They're unlikely to appreciate someone who barely knows their daughter commenting on their child-rearing so I'd keep my beak zipped. Tell him the Christmas pudding doesn't agree with you if he asks again.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 21/12/2023 18:55

Girls do better in single sex education and boys at that age want one thing. I dont think shes missing out.

Atishooooo · 21/12/2023 18:56

My DDs went to single sex secondaries and I would have said the same about them at 14. No male friends, no friends with brothers of an age they would interact with. It's not unusual.

cavemist · 21/12/2023 18:58

Eh?

DowntonCrabby · 21/12/2023 19:03

No good can come from a follow up conversation with a sibling you’re not close to. If he keeps pestering you tell him you have a niggling headache and change the subject.

Libertyy · 21/12/2023 19:05

Many countries have single sex education it won’t do her any harm

Original poster

MissChristmasChild · 21/12/2023 19:08

Thanks this is really helpful. I guess my mind went to the worst place like how would she cope in the workplace, how would she manage a healthy relationship with a male (friendship or more) if she hasn’t had any practice.

OP posts:

TripleDaisySummer · 21/12/2023 19:11

Say he have no idea what he's talking about a d refuse to get drawn in to disclosing any of your views - will only be held against you.

I did have a girl on my Uni course like this 20 + years ago- she was in the only female hall of residence. She quickly got a boy friend and managed to get on with everyone on the course male or female - she said looking back was odd way to grow up but honestly never seemed to hold her back.

minipie · 21/12/2023 19:12

Male people are just people.

All her interactions with female people are perfectly good practice for interactions with male people.

They are not different species.

Honestly this all seems way more about your own stereotyped views than anything else.

StopStartStop · 21/12/2023 19:13

Keep out of it, OP. You're wrong, for one thing, and it's not your place for another. So hold your tongue.

Hoiz · 21/12/2023 19:14

I went to a private junior school for girls and then onto a girl’s grammar. My first male friend was literally at university. Did me no harm whatsoever.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread