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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about your good men?

111 replies

Imonanotherdiet · 21/12/2023 17:22

I know this will sound a bit 'men are trash'. Of course there are many good ones, I'm just losing faith.
I'd love to meet some that aren't primarily thinking about getting laid, that aren't scared of commitment and being 'tied down', that don't leave their dirty underpants all over the floor.
Ones who don't have those too close for comfort 'friends' that they clearly fancy, who are honest, kind, and contribute fairly.
I'm not bothered about a 6-pack, 6ft3 and 6 figure salary at all, just someone with the above who's decent and wants commitment.
Would be great to hear your positive stories!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 21/12/2023 19:25

Mine's not too bad .. not perfect (neither am I of course) but totally reliable, responsible, never bickers about money, chores, cooking etc ... a brilliant Dad to our DS and incredibly kind and helpful towards my elderly (90+) DPs. He's really helpful in the community as well ... does lots of volunteering and generally a helpful sort of person.
I took time to 'observe' (for want of a better word) him carefully before I committed to marriage and then we deliberately waited a further ten years before having a DC. He was a home owner when we met and I knew he was responsible about money and knew how to cook, do housework, gardening, laundry etc.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 21/12/2023 19:28

Mine is fantastic. Kind, caring funny and does 90% of the housework, really well. Works very hard in a non high powered job and supports me and our children completely. He’d love to have sex nightly but I have health issues so accepts that’s not on the cards at the moment. He’s brilliant, has his down points but honestly I know how good he is because I was in a v long term relationship with utter arsehole and it was hard to get the strength to separate. I did though so if you’re wondering, in this case the grass is greener.

shewithnoname · 21/12/2023 19:30

i have been unlucky in love... 2 failed marriages behind me, i went through what i call my 'dark years' where i had relationships with totally the wrong men; i ended up broken, hurt and in despair. it took me 2 years to get out of a very violent and controlling relationship! a close friend said to me, after seeing me make mistake after mistake... 'if you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got!' think about it for a second.. and he was right. i went for the same type of bloke, same looks, same temprement until one day i met a man who didnt look like all the others, he really wasn't what i would go for, we were complete opposites. don't get me wrong, we got on, he made me laugh... and this year we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. in those 10 years he has never raised his voice or his hand, he has never lied to me or let me down. i call him my saviour.. he saved me from myself. our life isn't perfect, we have our ups and downs, but we work through them together.. you just have to be prepared to make changes to yourself

everyredsock · 21/12/2023 19:31

Mines a good one. He's funny, really funny, intelligent and a great dad.
He's crap at housework and picking up his pants, but so am I. I guess no one's perfect.
We laugh everyday and our kids seem to be having a good childhood.
I like that we both still find each other attractive but mostly we both still enjoy each other's company.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 21/12/2023 19:33

I got a good one. Hes a science nerd, he has no idea how handsome he is, very kind and thoughtful, does a lot around the house, very calming influence, and a great cook. Met him online 10 years ago, married 6 years ago.

Soopermum1 · 21/12/2023 19:40

I have one. Found him when I was 43 and he was 50, think we'd both chilled out a lot by that point. He gave up a very long term single man happy lifestyle to go all in on being a lovely stepdad to DD. Her father isn't around much so he does all the difficult stuff. Took everything at my pace, doesn't ask for or need much, a real calming and sensible presence in my drama filled life. Still finds the energy to be a lot of fun. Liked by everyone.

caringcarer · 21/12/2023 19:40

I've got a keeper. He brings me tea in bed every day, does more housework than me, is so patient with our foster son and can calm him when he's in a meltdown mood, he's helped me bring up my 3 DC especially the youngest son and now he's an adult and just bought his own house DH is over most weekends helping him hang new doors, fit new kitchen and loads of other DIY jobs he's good at. He always makes me feel special and spoils me. He helps out others too. He walks our neighbours dog 3 or 4 times a week because she can't herself due to arthritis, her DC do it other times. He's happy to give foster son lifts all over the place even at short notice and he's generous to his Mum often sending her treats he thinks she'll like from Amazon.

Original poster
Imonanotherdiet · 21/12/2023 19:42

Lovely to hear these answers!

OP posts:
Sharontheodopolodous · 21/12/2023 19:43

I have one

He was a late bloomer-didnt find his first girlfriend until he was 21

He had a sister who was very ill and died in her 20's-im told her was very caring towards her-nothing was too much trouble for him

He married an utter psychopath and had 2 kids (I don't normally call another woman a psychopath,but she really is)

He is a top father to his dds,even though she's tried her best to stop him seeing them

We met and he's been my rock,we've been through some shit together and he's always stood firm on how much he loves me and has proved it

He does more housework than I do,always drops me at work/picks me up,I can ask him to do anything and if he can,he does,he picks up after me and is awesome with hugs just when I need one

My ds and his partner are having a baby next year and without blinking,he told me he can't wait to be a grandad-my adult dcs adore him

His only faults are having has no filter (he once told me I looked like a 'set of del boys curtains' in my new dress and he called me 'an old woman' last night-in context it was funny) and he snores like a steam train

I luffs him

Sleepsleepsleep123 · 21/12/2023 19:44

I'd say my husband is the definition of a good man and I feel very lucky to have im.

God knows I went through my fair share of absolute wrong 'uns but it was when I decided to stay single for a while and focus on myself that I met him.

He is brilliant. Marriage obviously takes work but we both know we're in it for the long haul and are prepared to accept the rough with the smooth.

BRAERS · 21/12/2023 19:45

I'm loving these answers too!

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 21/12/2023 19:47

I've just heard mine snoring from our toddlers room and found him asleep on the floor holding our sons hand through the cot. He's got a terrible cold and has been feeling rubbish but hasn't donned the dressing gown of doom.

Ponderingwindow · 21/12/2023 19:47

Interesting that you mention the friend that is too close for comfort.

my husband is a good man. He was also my best friend first, through us having relationships with other people. In fact my advice for anyone looking for a solid, lasting relationship would be to marry your friend. Physical attraction and intimacy can grow from emotional and intellectual intimacy.

Choconuttolata · 21/12/2023 19:48

I have one, been together nearly 18 years. He is a SAHD, he looks after our disabled son and older two children. Supported me through studying to change career. He has just come back from the supermarket and brought me a warm drink and some plain biscuits to try, I have got a vomiting bug, so he has been doing it all today and looking after me. We have each others backs.

Tisfortired · 21/12/2023 19:48

I have one too. They definitely exist. I could sing DPs praises all day long.

We’ve been together 15 years, met at 6th form. The minute I met him I thought, ‘I’d like to get to know this guy.’ He was so clever, we were in the same classes and he just seemed a fountain of knowledge to me which I found so attractive! he was also really funny, in that understated clever way.

15 years later he’s the same guy but now a brilliant dad too. He’s kind - I’ve never known him to say a nasty word about anybody. Loves his sister, mum and grandma and would do anything for me and our children. He works long hours but comes home and is in dad mode straight away, playing with the kids and cleaning up what I couldn’t get round to. He also really listens - any boring work topic I bring up he’ll actively be interested or at least appear to be 😂

He has his negatives as well all do but but we accept each other as we are. I still get excited for him to come home from work.

Itstimeforbaileys · 21/12/2023 19:51

I truly know I’ve won the lottery with mine. Family man to the core, would give anyone his last pound, he’s responsible, caring, hilarious, charismatic, does way more than his fare share, is the best daddy to our child and dragged me out the trenches in my darkest hours. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t absolutely love him and his family are wonderful too. He is without exception the absolute best role model for our son and if he turns out to be even 10% the man his dad is, we’ve hit the jackpot a second time!

ChristinaXYZ · 21/12/2023 19:53

My husband, father and grandfather are all good men. As are my brothers-in-law. I had two lovely male bosses (my line mangers). I know there are bastards out there - I have a friend going through a massive DV problem. But don't let the lazy, gross or nasty ones put you off men.

ShelleyPercy · 21/12/2023 19:55

I have one, and I met him at 32 (he's a few years younger than me though)

He is incredibly thoughtful, caring, does more housework than me and is very patient, emotional intelligent and all round nice guy who is good with people.

He wasn't my usual type lookswise but I loved that about him. We have lots of similar interests which helped solidify our friendship first.

He does occasionally leave his underwear on the floor and I couldn't really care, I do things that i'm sure he wishes I didn't and he never makes me feel bad about them. Some things need to be let go of. We're all flawed humans after all!

Worldgonecrazy · 21/12/2023 19:58

I have one. It took a while and a lot of mistakes to find him. He is incredibly sexy and attractive, he is a wonderful, kind, generous and loving father and stepfather. He does his share of the mental load and brings me breakfast in bed nearly every day, and a cup of tea and a chocolate every evening. He genuinely wants me to be the best version of myself, and we encourage each other to stay fit & healthy. It might sound shallow but he has great personal hygiene.

He was a widower when we met and I think that has helped him understand the mental load of running a house and family.

I am blessed to have him as my husband.

tsmainsqueeze · 21/12/2023 19:58

I have a good man , my dad was one too .
My brother is a shining example of a good man , so is my b in law and all my male cousins.
I have 2 young sons who so far look like they are turning into good men.
I don't like the male race to be criticized as a whole because of the bad ones there are still plenty of good ones around.

Reesescheeses · 21/12/2023 19:59

My husband is fantastic and treats me and the kids so well. He’s also funny and charismatic. I find it hard to understand why he loves boring little me but feel very lucky.

I had some terrible relationships before him and just wonder why I ever wasted my time with men who would think it was ok to treat me the way they did, even once. I would think DH had lost his mind if he ever acted like that.

ReadySalty · 21/12/2023 20:02

I'm married to a useless piece of shit, I'd I like to think that that there are a few scent men out there.

RandomButtons · 21/12/2023 20:07

I have one. He’s kind, loving, does loads of housework, will run any kind of errand for me, is currently out attempting to find a gift for my mother for me. He cleans, he irons, he does laundry. He doesn’t leave pants on the floor. He pushes me hard to grow my business and supports everything I do to better myself in any way he can. He’s not perfect. He’s a bit crowd phobic- will do anything to avoid places with lots of people (like kids attractions etc). He has his funny quirks and has a tendency to bulldoze ahead when he thinks he’s got the solution and can really wind me up sometimes. Others might think he’s boring, but he loves a lot of the stuff I love even if he could never be a city dweller. I love him and he’s a very good man.

Walker1178 · 21/12/2023 20:13

Ahhh, my DP came so close to being one of the good ones…. He failed on the underpants on the floor marker, I'm also deducting extra points seeing as they’re usually accompanied with some socks. Otherwise he’s mostly a really nice guy.

I found him during Covid whilst working a temporary job and we just clicked. When I was leaving 3 weeks later he said he’s be sad not to see me everyday and asked if we could go for a walk sometime. I loved the way his cheeks blushed red when he asked and he has the most beautiful eyes and smile. There are some nice guys out there OP so don’t settle for anything less

RandomButtons · 21/12/2023 20:14

I will also say that my dad, uncle, grandfather and brother in law are/were all also very good men. Though grandfather not so good at housework, he really loved and looked after my granny though, especially when she got dementia.

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