Refused test after multiple miscarriages because of other children

[Desgusten]

Also posted in the MC/pregnancy loss
board FYI

I have had 2 successful pregnancies, but multiple miscarriages as well.

I have now had my 6th MC, and have now met the three in a row threshold. My others were interspersed with having my 2 living children.

the GP has said I still cannot have any tests because:

1 - I have had successful pregnancies in the past
2 - I had some blood tests such as thyroid etc (for something unrelated) eight months ago and they were ok

my DH has had multiple surgeries in the last year and I’m worried that could have affected things (one was a testicular op) and my last pregnancy I had a really traumatic birth. My concern was either of these things may have had an effect but that was disregarded. I have had MCs between 7 and 14 weeks.

WWYD? I know I’m lucky to have the children I do, and I am grateful. But it is still painful to lose a pregnancy.

Worth going private? Or just asking to see another GP?

I had 3 consecutive miscarriages and therefore was sent for tests, they did tests on both of us, nothing was ever picked up, the Dr said the only thing he could put it down to was a run of bad luck!

That's so frustrating, I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully they will give you a new appointment soon.

I really hope so! The last one was cancelled about 6 months ago and they just keep telling me to be grateful to be on the list more or less

Honestly? I’m sort of over it now. We still want another child but I just feel like everywhere I turn no one gives a shit. I feel pretty disheartened by the whole thing and really demotivated when it comes to pushing for an answer.

Surely having 2 kids and a partner should be enough if you really need another child czn you not foster or adopt instead of putting your kids partner and yourself through all the regular heartache

I hope so to for your peace of mind. That's insensitive, I'm sure you are extremely grateful. I have found unless they have experienced this then they don't fully understand you. Please don't listen to unhelpful comments. I'm actually so thankful I found this thread because I have been searching and searching if anyone else has been in this horrible situation so thank you for sharing 💜

Was it necessary to say that?

You have no idea...!

@Desgusten I hope you get your appointment soon x

Adoption is not for parents who "need" children! It's for children who need parents.
Hopefully you'll hear something soon.

Genuinely how is that helpful apart from reinforcing shame and guilt many people feel going through similar.

It’s not like this is a whim, a lot of thought went into deciding to move forward with investigation/ttc. As a I have said further up the thread, it’s the peace of mind that I’m really after regardless of the outcome.

And why do you think so many women have had such shitty experiences in healthcare? Because of attitudes like this.

Well if parents didn't "need" children, then they would hardly be coming forward to adopt would they?

@Desgusten pay no heed to people like this - they don't understand what it's like to go through secondary infertility! I know I was as desperate to conceive my 3rd as I was my 1st, and it took a long 3.5 years to get pregnant with DC1! It's not so easy to switch your feelings off!

What was your thyroid tsh?
Many gps don't know that what's considered normal/borderline usually can be a big issue when trying to conceive. It's in the NICE guidelines.

I have actually read the same thing - I did query it. TSH was 0.7

I am not sure it's the oppression olympics here, but if so, I'll see your secondary infertility and raise you multiple miscarriages and primary infertility.

Parents should absolutely not see children as fulfilling their own "need". That is highly unfair to children. It's like having a child to save a marriage, or relying on your child to improve your mental health. For a start, it doesn't work. And adoption doesn't "cure" infertility or make you no longer sad your babies died.

Many adoptive parents actually adopt children already known to them (either family members, or children they are already fostering). Many of them had no idea of adopting until the child needed a family. So it's complete tosh to say parents don't come forward until they "need" a child.

Not true. IVF is not available if you already have children, but DH and I had a battery of fertility tests done with the NHS when we tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant with DC#2 for almost 2 years. The consultant did tell us we would have to pay for IUI/IVF, which we understood, but everything else was covered.

I'm currently 26wks pregnant, so it all worked out :)