To not yet be happy with my weight?

[Parvanati]

I am probably vain so that’s fine you can come for me on that and I don’t want to make anyone feel bad about themselves so sorry. I have worked hard to lose a lot of weight this year and get fitter. I have done this in a sensible calorie deficit, not extreme and I’m not starving myself it’s a whole lifestyle change not just a diet as I will just eat this way at maintenance calories when I stop.

I didn’t feel very comfortable or healthy and I prefer being a size 12 rather than a size 18. Some people can look and dress really nicely at different sizes but it didn’t suit me I felt so bothered and hot when it’s warm and out of breath. I’m not doing it to impress other people or get their validation.

I still have weight to lose to get nearer to a healthy BMI (currently it’s 28) but everyone who sees me keeps telling me to stop, it will affect my face, I will be too slim, I don’t need to lose more etc etc. This includes my partner! People comment on what I eat or when I decline treats and it makes me uncomfortable. Family and DP keep asking if I will eat normally at Christmas and to take time off my diet, keep offering me things, it will be fine I won’t gain weight but actually, I probably would and I don’t want to do it.

Now I do not see what they see and am worried I now have body dysmorphia? I am still 12st 6 and not tall, so I am still overweight? I can see exactly where the remaining weight is held, it’s my tummy, hips and bum, looks ok in clothes but not great naked and I am not happy with how it looks yet. I’m not blind or stupid I don’t think I am misjudging that I am still overweight? (I’m 5’5).

I have diet cycled in the past and fallen off the wagon, and gained even more back I worry a lot about this happening again so this time I have done everything slowly and differently but it’s making me feel anxious.

AIBU to feel like this has anyone else?

I doubt it's jealousy ,I just think people get used to seeing you a certain way and when you change shape dramatically it's a bit of a shock and takes time for people to get used to how you look now.

I think the pressure women have felt to be thin for decades is getting a backlash.
So first we all agreed (correctly) that being thin does not make you superior, that larger bodies can be equally beautiful, that eating disorders are a serious concern that we need to stay alert to and mitigate against.
Then, things seemed to go a little further, with it being seen as superior and more high minded to not care about something as trivial as your weight. And that women who diet are joyless and boring. That actually 'curvy' bodies are better than thin ones (because men prefer them apparantly). And that being thin is 'aging' and that many women at a healthy BMI look ill. And that BMI is a nonsense anyway. And women who don't eat much are performative and trying to make other women look bad.
Within this context, a woman who has lost weight and is no longer visibly 'large', is going to face a fair bit of negativity if she continues to diet.

Ignore them, people often have a distorted idea of what’s a healthy or unhealthy weight. Go by the BMI which points to you being overweight. Aim for 9:4 which will be about the middle of the healthy range.

Well done on your weight loss so far! You’ve done really well. But yes, a bmi of 28 is still overweight and if you want to continue to loose then that’s up to you and probably no bad thing.

I’ve also been on a slow and steady weight loss journey this year and don’t want to put it all back on over Christmas. My bmi was only 26 but the way I’m built I actually look quite chunky at that weight. I’ve lost 2 stone and feel so much better for it. My bmi is now 22 and I’ve had some comments from friends saying I look skinny. I don’t. I’m a size 10 and probably about right, I’m exercising more and feel so much better. I don’t intend to loose more, but just want to maintain where I am. Don’t let others get to you. Do what makes you happy.

How you feel is probably independent of the actual weight. If you are happy and healthy then that's great and everyone else can do one.

At that weight and height you are still officially overweight, and so it would be very reasonable to keep losing until you are within the 20-25 BMI range, as long as it works for you. Long-term your body will thank you

I know when I lose weight it tends to come off from the face downwards and the stubborn bits - tum and hips are the last to lose any weight.

Therefore it's likely that when they see your face and top half you do look thin, but further weight loss is probably not going to make you look gaunt as it will be from those hard to lose areas.

Well done on your weight loss journey so far.

I would ignore advice from anyone not medically qualified.

@5128gap put like this it makes a lot of sense. I did buy into this for a while myself but being fatter did not make me feel good as I aged. I do not feel superior or inferior to people due to their size or want to make people feel that way, I was even nervous to post this in case it made someone feel upset!

Body positivity has a lot to answer for. I see nothing empowering about having aching knees, a bad back and Type 2 diabetes in my 50s. I am not superior. I just don't want to be in pain, having seen that many of my friends are in constant pain.

I think it's this, it takes a while for people to adjust and feel familiar with the new "you". Keep prioritising your health and in six months or a year they'll be used to your new look and feel comfortable with it.

@CharlotteRumpling I don’t think I would ever be comfortable posting progress photos for these reasons. I thought about it - I have worked hard, but it would make others feel bad about themselves and I am not sure it’s the inspirational thing it’s made out to be?

I dont post any photos of myself online at all, so I am not so keen on progress photos!