To not yet be happy with my weight?

[Parvanati]

I am probably vain so that’s fine you can come for me on that and I don’t want to make anyone feel bad about themselves so sorry. I have worked hard to lose a lot of weight this year and get fitter. I have done this in a sensible calorie deficit, not extreme and I’m not starving myself it’s a whole lifestyle change not just a diet as I will just eat this way at maintenance calories when I stop.

I didn’t feel very comfortable or healthy and I prefer being a size 12 rather than a size 18. Some people can look and dress really nicely at different sizes but it didn’t suit me I felt so bothered and hot when it’s warm and out of breath. I’m not doing it to impress other people or get their validation.

I still have weight to lose to get nearer to a healthy BMI (currently it’s 28) but everyone who sees me keeps telling me to stop, it will affect my face, I will be too slim, I don’t need to lose more etc etc. This includes my partner! People comment on what I eat or when I decline treats and it makes me uncomfortable. Family and DP keep asking if I will eat normally at Christmas and to take time off my diet, keep offering me things, it will be fine I won’t gain weight but actually, I probably would and I don’t want to do it.

Now I do not see what they see and am worried I now have body dysmorphia? I am still 12st 6 and not tall, so I am still overweight? I can see exactly where the remaining weight is held, it’s my tummy, hips and bum, looks ok in clothes but not great naked and I am not happy with how it looks yet. I’m not blind or stupid I don’t think I am misjudging that I am still overweight? (I’m 5’5).

I have diet cycled in the past and fallen off the wagon, and gained even more back I worry a lot about this happening again so this time I have done everything slowly and differently but it’s making me feel anxious.

AIBU to feel like this has anyone else?

@beanontoast thanks I think I need to get to a point where it’s an internal monologue and not outspoken as I suspect I do make comments about food not fitting into my allowance. I will watch out for that.

I am looking forward to relaxing at Christmas and what isn’t to like about veg in gravy, I am looking forward to that. Having been a binge eater I now don’t like to feel over full and nauseous

I’m the same, gone from 12 to 8/10 and still not fully satisfied with my body. If anything I’ve gotten more critical of it. Having said that I can see that I now have a nice slim figure, especially in clothes like you say, but “problem areas” for want of a better phrase are jumping out more.

I don’t want to be any skinnier but I want to be more toned and build muscle all over esp. stomach. Which means I now have to eat more, and I find that hard as I’m so used to smaller portions now

I think as long as you aren’t avoiding social situations and your whole life isn’t consumed by cc you are fine.
Your tastes change - it’s normal to not want fatty greasy rich food.
Your office colleague with skinny Minnie comment sounds irritating. It’s very difficult to deal with as it’s that jokey way they do it. Ignore or don’t worry about me type approach.

Also to add one day of post-overeating bloat has me right back feeling like my highest weight and I find that quite triggering, even though I know logically I’m not

Are you lifting weights? I think you do get to a point where 'losing weight' doesn't get you the body you want and you have to start resistance training. Changes are visible more quickly with that, I find anyway.

@beanontoast Yes you’re completely right, I’ve been working out at home but getting to the point where I need to be in the gym and following a proper plan really. Just not sure if I can afford it so will look into it for the new year I think

There are loads of free plans on Reddit so if you find one you fancy buying definitely have a look there first!

@beanontoast I actually want to do the strong curves program which I found out about via Reddit!

I’m similar OP, maybe a little taller around 5 ft 51/2 or 5.6 and a little less weight (not sure what it is currently)

But before baby came I had gotten myself very fit and healthy weight training etc. over the space of around 4 years it took me. Slow and steady

I was “skinny” waisted but dense / muscled and never underweight with big thighs. Around 8st. 10 to 9st depending.

People hated it. I got “gym rat”, “too skinny” etc.

Now I have c-section shelf and much chunkier for having not trained the best part of 3 years and trying to return to it, people don’t want me to.
“you look so much better with weight” they say.

But I don’t feel it.

I find it very odd!

You do what makes you feel better OP. As long as it is for you, not to please anybody else is what counts.

I had similar when I lost a lot of weight. I went from a 20 to a 10 and did it in the same way as you - sensible, calorie deficit.

When I got to about a 14-16, quite a few people got a bit weird about it and were saying things like 'Oh, you don't want to lose any more, do you? You don't want to look skinny, you wouldn't want to lose your shape' and so on. I was still substantially overweight (to add context, I'm only 5'2") and still had some niggling health issues directly linked to my weight (acid reflux and ankle/foot pain).

The daft thing is that nobody likes their food more than me, and the very notion of me starving myself or ending up skeletal is absolutely laughable. But there were certain people who were quite weird (to the point of being pushy and making me uncomfortable) about my weight loss.

I ended up just putting it down to them having their own issues. But it was odd. (Fortunately, my partner and close family were supportive and complimentary, which grounded me a lot, as I do know that my partner and mum would absolutely say something if I ever really was too thin.)

I started out with Strong Curves! It was great, you'll love it - highly recommend investing in the book (sorry OP to hijack your thread)

Oh I had this too! And no, I don't think your way of thinking is disordered - you aren't at your goal yet, and you're trying to stay on the wagon. I'm not someone who can have 2 weeks of junk food and not feel like shit after - I get the same pleasure from a couple of days, where I have a bit of everything I like, I just don't eat until I feel sick any more. People are very quick to hop on any signs of disordered restrictive eating, but less so when it comes to binging. It's really hard, when you are trying to instill good habits in yourself for life, so that it actually sticks and is a lifestyle change, to have people go on at you. Best of luck with your goal OP, and we'll done on your hard work so far

They're feeling threatened. That's all it is - you're making choices that benefit you, not them, which is leading them to fear you making choices in other areas of your life that they might not like.

Those pigs in blankets on your plate? They're to stop you being attractive to other men. Blackmail over roast potatoes? So you don't realise that perhaps he's behaving in ways that you don't have to tolerate and other people don't have to put up with outside him attempting to dictate what you eat.

I've been on the receiving end of diet sabotage from an ex. Right up to and including him interfering with food that I was cooking for myself because I was declining the things he kept on trying to push onto me. And when even that failed, it was all about 'you're doing this to pick up men, you're having an affair, you're trying to have an affair, if you aren't cheating, prove it by eating yourself back to the way you were'.

In comparison, DP doesn't have all those hangups. So he might get a mini Christmas pudding or cake for himself, but he'll make sure that there's fruit I like because I prefer it (and won't be dousing them in sugar, dunking them in melted chocolate and swimming in cream to up the calorie content to the equivalent of a entire box of Ferrero Rocher).

It's not losing sight of anything that's the problem. It's a fear of losing control.

You’re still overweight so losing more weight will be beneficial health wise. I know where you’re coming from with comments though, my Mum is the same. I lost 4 stone 2 years ago now and she still tells me I’m too skinny every time I see her even though I’ve looked this way for 2 years…

Unless you're very muscly/big boned (i.e. broad shouldered etc) such that your body fat is already low, then you are still overweight so yanbu.

People get very funny about others losing weight it brings out all their insecurities and forces them to face the uncomfortable truth about their own eating habits (and some people do just have very distorted ideas of what's healthy). And I suppose when you're very used to seeing someone look a certain way, relatively speaking you might look skinny and gaunt, even if to everyone else you wouldn't.

Even so they should still recognise the weight loss is good for your health and be supportive.

Well done on your weight loss so far

You’re doing great op, don’t let them de-rail you.

I’ve seen this a lot. I don’t think it’s intentional but as a pp said, people don’t like change so they do their best to make you stay the same. I’ve noticed this with dh. If I ever say I’m going to cut down on sweet things for example, he turns up with loads. He doesn’t realise until I tell him then he is mortified!

At the minute he is the one losing weight and if I’m honest it is a little disconcerting seeing the changes in him but I’m forcing myself to be positive about it and praise his efforts as he is doing really well. I’m certainly not going out and buying junk food for him!! If anything it’s giving me a nudge to focus more on my own health.

Just keep doing what you’re doing and ignore. They will soon get used to the new you and the sabotage attempts will pass.

People don't like to see others succeed OP.
I've only ever been a size 10 and have never had anyone comment on my weight. But someone slimming down from a size 22 gets told to stop once they're a size 14. Odd isn't it?!
My uncle lost 8 stone. My mum, who has always been overweight, kept pushing the rhetoric that he was too thin. I always replied with "nope, he looks great and there's not a single health benefit to being overweight".
Keep going OP! To hell with others' jealousy.

I am your height and 10st 10 so my BMI is 25, bordering on 26. I need to lose 10lb to be well within the health range. And that’s my plan for new year. You’re still overweight OP so it’s fine to keep going. Just know when to stop

I agree that people get strangely worked up about other people being healthy. I am in my 50s, and I can tell you that any excess weight immediately has my knees and back aching. No need to be a diet bore, but there are really no health benefits to being overweight.

Yeah, you actually really don't get this if you've always been thin, even if you're objectively much thinner than the OP. I'm small and people very rarely comment on my body. It's the change that provokes the comments.

This is one of many reasons I never comment on a person's body unless I can see they've lost weight and they've told me they're actively trying to lose. It's that person's own feelings about their weight and body that is driving their comments, OP, not your body.

Yes, I feel like this. This time last year I had a BMI of 21 and was very happy. I've gained ten pounds over the year through not being able to excercise as much. I'm by no means fat, not even in the OW category, but still greatly preferred how I looked and felt ten lbs lighter. Everyone I know tells me I was too thin before. Yet strangely last year they told me how fantastic I looked, so I think there's an element of saying 'the right thing' going on. Weight is a very loaded issue because its very difficult to comment on or take action about your own without someone seeing it as a comment on theirs. The best advice I have is to quietly get on with doing as you please diet wise. Don't engage with people about it. If they ask are you going to eat 'normally' just say 'of course' and eat what you choose when the time comes.

I agree weight is a very loaded issue and people see it as a comment on their own weights! I just quietly push away the sugar and go for the healthier choices without saying anything.

I've just reached a healthy BMI, top end. I've lost just over 4 stone. And honestly it's the same, people can't shut up. I still would like to lose a bit more. But I get all that nonsense too. Ignore them.

I’m sorry lots of us have experienced this! I assumed it was just me as I would never say it to someone. I might tell them they looked great but I can’t imagine encouraging them to eat things they were actively avoiding. My DD bought me a chocolate advent calendar which was sweet but she gets upset if I don’t open the doors (it’s a lindor one) so I started stashing them in a pot where she can’t see.

I do weights now to try to tone up it’s made a huge difference. When I do body balance I notice my legs are too big to do some of the positions (leaning forward over them)

well done to everyone and thanks for replying, don’t give up hope of getting back on that wagon either and we should all not let anyone derail us.

My partner is not jealous or insecure but he doesn’t really buy into my methods tbh. He is able to crash diet himself slimmer very fast.

I think people are very quick to tell previously overweight/obese women that they are "too thin" even when their current weight is nowhere near underweight or even if they are still a little overweight.

I think a woman losing a lot of weight disconcerts a lot of people for various reasons I won't go into.

Particularly if you've been "the fat friend" amongst a bunch of slim ladies.