To not yet be happy with my weight?

[Parvanati]

I am probably vain so that’s fine you can come for me on that and I don’t want to make anyone feel bad about themselves so sorry. I have worked hard to lose a lot of weight this year and get fitter. I have done this in a sensible calorie deficit, not extreme and I’m not starving myself it’s a whole lifestyle change not just a diet as I will just eat this way at maintenance calories when I stop.

I didn’t feel very comfortable or healthy and I prefer being a size 12 rather than a size 18. Some people can look and dress really nicely at different sizes but it didn’t suit me I felt so bothered and hot when it’s warm and out of breath. I’m not doing it to impress other people or get their validation.

I still have weight to lose to get nearer to a healthy BMI (currently it’s 28) but everyone who sees me keeps telling me to stop, it will affect my face, I will be too slim, I don’t need to lose more etc etc. This includes my partner! People comment on what I eat or when I decline treats and it makes me uncomfortable. Family and DP keep asking if I will eat normally at Christmas and to take time off my diet, keep offering me things, it will be fine I won’t gain weight but actually, I probably would and I don’t want to do it.

Now I do not see what they see and am worried I now have body dysmorphia? I am still 12st 6 and not tall, so I am still overweight? I can see exactly where the remaining weight is held, it’s my tummy, hips and bum, looks ok in clothes but not great naked and I am not happy with how it looks yet. I’m not blind or stupid I don’t think I am misjudging that I am still overweight? (I’m 5’5).

I have diet cycled in the past and fallen off the wagon, and gained even more back I worry a lot about this happening again so this time I have done everything slowly and differently but it’s making me feel anxious.

AIBU to feel like this has anyone else?

My bmi is 28 and I’m a 14. I have lost weight but could easily do with losing a good bit more. People don’t like change and will often undermine efforts to lose weight/ stop drinking. Best thing is to be non-commit all. Oh gosh I don’t know, I’ll just see how it goes/ see what I fancy at the time type replies.

Congratulations on losing some weight and also for losing it in a sensible way. As others say, people are funny if one is successful at weight loss. It is envy because so many of us fail.
As you have done this in a measured way it is unlikely you will look drawn and gaunt. Keep going to suit yourself, keep up fluid intake and enjoy Christmas & New Year.
🤔When you get to 7st you might want to pause the regime!😉

I had this OP (also 5'5'') - slimmed down from a size 18 to a 12, felt amazing in comparison but still overweight BMI (26). The key to my success was not telling anyone I was trying to lose weight (other than DH and even then I barely talked about it).

People seemed to noticed all of a sudden and then came the comments to stop etc. and the interest in what I was eating. It didn't help at all - and whilst I can't blame them (or Covid - that is when I started to pile it back on again) I am back up to a size 18. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to cherish and enjoy the size 12 whilst slowly aiming to lose a bit more/stay the same for a bit. Oh and not engage with sharing what I was doing when people noticed.

Other people arent always helpful when it comes to weight loss. Is your family on the plump side?
Unless you have lots of muscle mass, you have a way to go and should expect your DP to support you not tempt you! I would focus on how you feel and look rather than BMI though.
Taking a break for Christmas day wont hurt though. You are allowed cheat days.
Yes a fatter face can hide aging but a toned body will actually keep you young and healthy!

I had this when I went from a size 18-20 to a size 8-10. The negative comments far exceeded the positive, and as pp have said a lot of people hate change or are jealous of your willpower and success.

My ‘D’M used to look me up and down and comment when I was overweight, and when I was a size 8-10 she still gave me dirty looks while looking me up and down and would say you are anorexic now, just look at the state of you, you look hideous etc. Some people can’t handle the new you and often the increased self-confidence that goes with it.

Keep on doing what you want and ignore them. If anyone keeps on at you ask them if they would like you to comment negatively on their body to see how they like it.

I think sometimes people can be a bit blind when they see you every day. I had a BMI of 27 and got many similar comments. I'm now down to a BMI of 20 and those same people are saying that I look great and I'm clearly so much healthier and fitter.

I’d just say that you want a healthy bmi. If they trot out the bmi is a load of tosh/x rugby player has a high bmi just say you feel better this way.
That was my aim when losing to be healthy bmi. Then no drs appointment can be fobbed off as oh lose some weight and it personally made my engagement with health checks etc better as I knew they wouldn’t go on about my weight.

thank you all so much, it’s nice to know I am not going mad! I cannot possibly look gaunt I am still quite overweight and it feels gaslighting and bizarre to tell me otherwise?

To who asked about anxiety, it’s that I am afraid to fall off the wagon and when people get into your head that’s easy to do. Also that I am still seeing myself as overweight when people tell me I am not is confusing.

I am going to end up fairly muscular in my lower limbs, as this is my build, I am bottom heavy with muscular legs, so will be more difficult to get and stay under BMI 25, I am also using tape measurements as muscle takes up less space than fat. I will be fine and happy with a BMI of 25/26 and a comfy size 10/12.

Other people can feel very uncomfortable when someone does something about their weight & gets healthy.

You are still overweight, so I’d focus on getting down to a healthy BMI. You’re doing great, so keep at it & ignore those trying to jeopardise your efforts.

Also had this when I lost quite a bit of weigh - I'm 5ft 6 and went from 13.5 stone to 10.5 and the number of people commenting was staggering. I was a size 12, BMI firmly in the healthy range but would never be described as skinny. Even my Dsis who is teenie tiny at same height & 2.5 stone lighter than me told me I looked skinny so clearly it's nonsense. As others have said, people get used to seeing you a certain way and relatively speaking you will look much slimmer but, at 5ft5 and 12stone6 you are doing amazingly well but should keep going until you are comfortably in the BMI healthy range.

28 is still overweight so definitely not unhealthy to keep up the healthy eating.

Also comments about your face are silly! I lost a lot of weight and my face slimmed down and I looked better for it! So I really don’t understand their point there! I’m 36 weeks pregnant now and swollen and puffy and put weight on and I don’t like my face!!

Also well done to everyone who has reached their goals or on their way to doing so xx

I'm 5'4" and don't carry weight well in my opinion. At that BMI I wouldn't be happy and would feel overweight. I'm not happy at the moment either because I'm very underweight (no ED it's due to illness). I feel comfortable with a BMI of 20.
I think a lot of people have lost sight of a healthy weight. Unless you bang on about it constantly and obsess about every morsel, I wouldn't worry.

Your health has to come first. A BMI of say 23 / 24 would be in the healthy range and you wouldn't be a bag of bones.

Congrats on your loss. It's hard when people in your environment are trying to sabotage youm

I think as a society we've just lost sight of what a healthy body looks like. Size 12 is fine, and smaller than the average, but it's not 'skinny' (and I'm a 10/12 so not being rude)

I absolutely understand where you’re coming from! I went from 18 stone to 12 about 15 years ago. I wanted to get to 10.5 (which I did eventually - don’t ask what I’ve regained after my second baby in 20 months though!) and the comments from people were hurtful. Oh you don’t look like you, don’t lose any more as you already look too thin, oh are you ok you look gaunt etc etc. None of these things were true. They came from a place of jealousy I’m afraid. Jealous of the person I was becoming and the confidence I had, no longer being the fat friend.

Ignore the comments and do your thing. Well done you! I shall take some inspiration from you to get back on the wagon!

I do agree society has lost sight of things, I have no goals to be skinny, just not medically overweight it’s not the same thing.

People who are naturally slim must get a lot of comments too. People are right, no one actually makes comments to you when you are fat (well no one did to me!) but it’s ok to make comments about what you eat when you are losing weight?

I would say yes most people who comment are overweight tbh. My partner and mum are, as are many of my colleagues. I look drastically different from my highest weight of over 16st. I’m not deluded that I am still bigger than is good for me.

I feel like it is a topic that is always coming up, due to the fact most conversations I am declining food they are offering me. If I walk into the main office at any time someone will say there is cake/chocolates I will say oh that’s nice, thanks. They will then try to give me some I have to say no thanks. I gave away a huge box of chocolates someone gifted to me and came into the office someone had left another box on my keyboard. Now whenever I walk into the main office there is a woman who says ooh here is skinny Minnie.

DP asks me things like ‘can I put goose fat on the roast potatoes at Christmas’ and I replied yes that’s fine then he questioned whether I am going to eat them. So what if I do or don’t? I made a nice healthy dinner last week and he plonked a load of greasy pigs in blanket onto my plate, then kept offering me ice cream and mince pies. My mum just says ooh don’t get all gaunt in the face will you.

I've lost 2st, my BMI is now 25.3 so just 0.3 into overweight. I plan to keep going for a little while longer although I feel great.

I do look quite different, and on the whole, I'd say that not many people are pleased 🙄 more of a 'hark at you, losing all that weight' vibe than a well done, you look fabulous. Sod them!

People who aren't on a health journey don't realise there usually comes a point where it's about how you feel as much as about your weight. I'm with you on the chocolates, I honestly don't want to be given them as I don't really eat them anymore - if I ever fancy a chocolate I'd have one, not the box, and I don't like how greasy food makes me feel. At Christmas you can eat what you want and don't have to go totally overboard, I don't want to pig out for a whole day and then spend days and days after feeling sick and gross. But when you eat a bit more 'conservatively' people make it all about your weight because they just don't get it. If I wanted to pig out I wouldn't fear putting on a few lbs over Christmas as I know how to lose it now, but it's just not about that anymore.
Depending on who's asking I do sometimes just eat some of whatever it is to shut people up but this year I've tried not to do that so much because I don't think it's right to make myself/my body uncomfortable to please fat unhealthy people. If your partner feels bad because hes eating goose fat potatoes and you aren't then that's a matter for him to resolve. He can eat pigs in blankets without you having to eat the same. People who are secure in their (usually unhealthy) choices shouldn't need validation from others, if they are bothered by you not eat something then obviously they aren't as secure as they think.

Yeah, you're family and coworkers are a bit weird. Even thin people don't often look gaunt unless there's a medical issue that's causing loss of fat in the face.

Why are they trying to discourage you from being healthy?

Go for it, OP.

I've got down to 12st 3lbs and BMI 26 from nearly BMI 30 in the summer and am into size 12 clothes comfortably now. I'm just aiming to maintain over Christmas but will carry on in January until I get to 11st, which will be BMI 24 for me and size 10 clothes.

I've managed to lose weight slowly and sustainably, hope I have changed some habits for good, and have a really good exercise regime so I hope it will stay off this time.

I'm also so much fitter and everything is just easier. I ran for nearly an hour the other day, even though I hadn't run in ages (I do cardio and weights in the gym). My legs felt it the next day but fitness wise it wasn't a problem. It's lovely to be fit and feel like your body is working properly.

@beanontoast maybe I am being annoying as I do always stop now and think oh no how many calories in that and hesitate.

It’s not Christmas yet and I don’t want to spend 2-3 weeks over eating more than I should. I need to continue to be in a deficit for a lot longer, all those snacks and treats all add up and mean I have to work out more or readjust all my meals to fit them in. I don’t think people understand you can’t just keep taking days off calorie deficit when the mood takes you.

I am a whole lot more boring and not spontaneous now, those pigs in blankets do taste nice but I get hung up on that I just ate 300 or so calories in a few minutes. I’m hyper aware of food energy now perhaps it’s annoying to be around? DP can see me doing my mental maths calculations whenever we go to eat something. That’s just my life now. I got into this mess by ignoring my food intake so I have no choice but to live like this now? Is this diet culture or disordered eating?

I've had similar comments - I've lost nearly 50lbs to get to 9.5 stone (I'm 5ft 2) and and a BMI or just under 24. Apparently I'm "fading away".

No, I'm just fitting back into my old clothes.

It's a fine line, I understand completely. I don't take any 'days off' at least observing calories, ever. Definitely not 2-3 weeks off over Christmas. I exercise on holiday every day and I'm fortunate that I have a partner who is very sporty and into his fitness so he's supportive and does the same (although he does let loose with food and booze more than me) I also get that when you're in the flow of losing weight it's really annoying to have events like Christmas where you might slow your progress, when you get to maintaining it's a bit easier. What I would say is if you cba with others moaning on Christmas day, you're not likely to gain any significant weight by having a day 'off' - you might gain on the scale but it would be bloat not fat, so if you want a day where people aren't going on about it all the time you can do that and still make progress.

I have accepted I'm someone who is going to have to be calorie mindful for the rest of my life. But I do try to do it in a way that doesn't annoy other people, which I'm not saying you do, but I don't ever talk about calories etc in front of people - if I'm going round for food I ask what's on the menu and try to adjust my day around it, stuff like that. Like I say though it does get easier when you're maintaining and when I was losing I was very much the same, very focused, Christmas day food is not going anywhere and I will hopefully have many more Christmases to eat it when I am maintaining (which I do, now, because I can eat more to maintain)