to not understand the stress

[80skid]

that people feel to provide a perfect Christmas?

Don't get me wrong, I will have a wonderful Christmas and am hugely looking forward to it. I have young kids and will be catering for 8 on Christmas Day. There will be presents, food, drink and hopefully merriment. I will not be providing Michelin standard food - it will be very nice but I won't attain perfection. I don't attain perfection in my everyday life because I am human.

I know many others will spend more, receive more, wrap better, look glamorous, have nicer decorations and better food. But I will be perfectly happy and content with my family and consider myself hugely fortunate that is the case.

I seem to be surrounded by people stressed and worried about getting it right, about putting on a perfect show, perfect spread, perfectly behaved and presented kids (I won't achieve that!!!) and in the last couple of days, worrying they might catch a cold and ruin the big day!! I get that it's a special time when most people's annual leave aligns, but it's just a day and if the potatoes are burned or you drop a couple of flu tablets and can't drink, it's really not the end of the world. If something actually significant and unfortunate happens, that's just life and you'll deal with it much better without this pressure to make the day perfect for everyone.

I’m lucky to be alive to see Christmas . So I have brought gifts online and wrapped them in my hap hazard way i’ll be seeing my kids christmas eve and just be happy that i’m here . despite the fact i’m in crippling pain and 2024 will bring another operation and then more recovery time .

As the saying goes life is too short … no tree or decs up , that’s fine . . no fancy christmas dinner , never mind . Just try and enjoy yourselves wherever you are whatever you eat . Life is too short

I’m with you on this, I’m a planner so presents were bought and wrapped ages ago, Christmas dinner is in the freezer ready to be cooked ( which I enjoy doing as dp takes the kids to mil’s while I cook it) afterward the dishes will go in the dishwasher and I’ll be in my pjs all day watching the children playing with their new toys.

I get you @80skid DH and I typically call the type of Christmas we’re aiming for around November. Sometimes it’s fancy and lots of activities sometimes it’s “let’s at least get the tree up and we’ll go from there”.

I’ve enjoyed the low key ones as much as the high effort ones.

I’ve always put pressure on myself to create the perfect Christmas!
I got really down one year because I didn’t think my DS’s got enough presents! They’re not young kids either and they’re really not bothered.
We have had a run of shockers.
2019 MIL passed away 3 days before
2020 DM in hospital with sepsis, me bedbound for 2 weeks with covid
2021 My first one without my darling DF
2022 DH had a seizure after getting pissed on Christmas Eve.
2023 Going ok so far.
I’ve bought what I can afford and I’m looking forward to a nice day with my family.
I’m not stressing about a perfect day just looking forward to a nice day.

When I was young I used to try and create the perfect Christmases. It was hard work and I was exhausted. Since I stopped trying Christmas has got much better.

I deleted Instagram about 3 weeks ago and have zero intention of going anywhere near social media until after the new year. I'm like you op nothing will be perfect but we will have our own happy time.

It's the extra work, OP.

1. Extra work at work - it's our busiest time of year, tensions are high, working 12 hour days. I get home exhausted, and so stressed I can't sleep. Everyone else in my job is the same.
2. Extra work at home. Planning a meal/travel/hosting, stuff you don't exactly do every week.
3. Extra work going shopping for presents.

4.Extra work with all the fucking kids plays and kids events.

1. Extra mental work worrying about my elderly and sick relatives and my DH who lost his mother this year. Christmas highlights loneliness like no other time.
2. Extra work budgeting for all the socials.

So fuck off with your smug posts. Go get some empathy.

Stress comes from lack of time and lack of money.

Few people still do Sunday roast, so don't have confidence in doing dinner for big numbers.

Time Christmas itself saps time. Christmas Decorations,
Looking for gifts either physically in shops or online. Wrapping them. Parties and nights out. Kids have extra things that sap time.

Naturally if people are hosting they want their house to look it's best. So extra housework. Even if they aren't hosting they still want it 'photo' ready. Getting spare rooms ready for guests to stay over.

Work places are busy, lots of year end figures to be produced. Orders to be completed. Retail and Entertainment must be manic.

Quite easy to see how any of those things can make people stressed. And there is the issue of money. Lots of additional financial pressures, gifts, nights out, food costs.

Single parent here - 1 teen, one adult child.

Last year I took teen to Canary Islands thanks to a £1000 inheritance.

This year we're going to the local curry house - 5 courses £30pp.

I started picking up snacky bits to freeze a few weeks ago, a couple at a time. They're in the freezer, I bet I forget them!

Amazon has been my friend.

Financially wise, far from ideal but that's every year.

But you seem to be thinking about it all from your perspective - you’ll have a nice day whatever, you’ll enjoy it even if something goes wrong, you understand that you’re human. And that’s great for you.

but people who naturally stress are usually stressed thinking about other people, not themselves. Will my kids like their presents? Will people like the food? Will my inlaws feel welcome? And you can’t control what other people think so just thinking ‘well I’m ok’ doesn’t really help.

don’t get me wrong it’s great that you and many others aren’t overly stressed by what other people think, but many do and that’s valid, I don’t think it’s all ‘spending more smugness’ and instagram seeking like OP and PP seem to partly imply …

but people who naturally stress are usually stressed thinking about other people, not themselves. Will my kids like their presents? Will people like the food? Will my inlaws feel welcome? And you can’t control what other people think so just thinking ‘well I’m ok’ doesn’t really help.

That's is so true.
It's wonderful on MN when people write about carefully choosen gifts they know people will love.
Really how are people so confident that someone will truly love their gifts. People are conditioned to smile nicely and accept graciously.

I tell my own kids to tell me once everyone is away if they have something they don't like and I'll try and exchange it. Mainly because I can't stand the waste of stuff getting charity shopped in a years time unused and unloved. My own family are of the same mindset.

I'm even wary when I read Amazon reviews 'I bought for grandson and he loves it' the cynic in me says have you seen him play with it beyond the initial novelty factor?

My motto is, what's the worst that can happen? I forgot to cook the pigs in blankets? Great, we'll eat them boxing day. Dinner is late - hey ho you'll have more of an appetite when I actually get round to serving it. Stress is a killer, and I intend to deny my son his inheritance for as long as possible. My Christmas won't be perfect, I am not perfect, I have no issues with that!

But the point is, in many family dynamics it can’t be fixed. Asking MIL to help will involve her half heartedly scraping her own plate into the bin with a sour face and bad grace. The entitlement is staggering. I now refuse to host (to huge drama and handwringing) so it’s not fixed. Just a different kind of painful. Which is why it’s annoying to be lectured about stress when it’s not of your own making…

I agree OP & I don't understand it either. As someone who has been seriously unwell over the past month I am just going to be very greatful to be here. Priorities have had to change & Christmas will be a simple affair & I'm so looking forward to that. Everybody understands & if some people don't get their gifts until after Christmas it doesn't matter. Perfection doesn't matter at all. Have a lovely day with your family, that's all that really matters