To think my partner lied to me again and therefore want to end it with him?

[Anawana]

My partner and I are in our 30s and together for 10 months. We met online shortly after my divorce and it started off as a hookup. Quite quickly it turned into something serious.

At the beginning he was deceitful twice. One about his appearance - he only sent me a very old photo and he didn't look anything like it in person. Also about where he lives. He even faked a house move. When I asked him why and he said that it's because the fake address was closer to me in case it was an issue but it doesn't sound right as his actual address is only 5 minutes further than the fake one.

He still lives in the house he bought with his ex. She moved out over a year ago and stopped paying mortgage. It put financial strain on him and the house is on sale for over a year now.

They got an offer 20k under the original purchase price. Ex refused to pay anything if they go into negative equity. He called and asked my advice. As he's already losing money each month, I told him to consider the biggest hit he's willing to take alone and make a counter offer. I also told him that I'm happy to cover that loss when we buy a house together. He said he was going to counter it 5k less the original price. A couple of days later we met and he told me that he 'didn't hear back from the couple'. The next day we met his mum and she asked about it. He goes 'oh they offered 20k less than the original purchase price so I said no thanks'. So he didn't even counter their offer. I asked him afterwards and he said that he's really stressed and can't keep me in the loop with everything. He also said that now he's having to worry about our future together as well and doesn't feel complete autonomy over the decisions regarding the house. Well, I never commented on any of his decisions up uptil he called me and asked so not sure what he's on about!

My lease is up in 3 months. He wants me to move into that house. I have enough deposit saved up to buy a house on my own. If I did that though he'd break up with me as he does want to start a family with me.

I love him so much but at the same time I'm so tired of this mess. I want to get married again and have the kids that I always wanted. If I fully trusted him, I probably would but I really don't feel like waiting around for the house to sell. Am I being unreasonable to not trust him and if not, would you end with him if you were me?

You know the answer to this. Be proud of your instinct and gut for seeing the situation clearly despite your hurt and desire for a family.

he doesn't want to move to another place and never did. He wants to live where he is now and for you to help him remain there, this was always the plan, he knew he wouldn't get you to agree straight up so he's manipulating you to get you there as if you chose to - be proud you're starting to cop to him before you've taken any big steps

DH and I have a standard joke - when discussing a friend of mine and her DH if I say, for example, "Dave is having laser eye surgery next week so Mary is off work and " DH will say, "Or is he!?"

The reason being that he told endless lies about where he came from, where he lived, his parents etc when she first met him that all started unravelling while we happened to be visiting them (they don't live in the UK). The original lies were bad enough, but over the coming months, it came out that they were just endless. He had literally lied to her (and us and all her friends and family) about almost every single thing.

Almost 20 years later and we have never trusted him. For a long time, we had an agreement that if necessary, I could get on a plane at any time at any cost if it became necessary to "rescue" her.

Your P is making all the same alarm bells ring for me. This whole issue with not being able to sell his house, you moving in etc just doesn't ring true.

Please calm down. You’ve lost the plot.

OP, I think you are so desperate to be settled and have children that you are allowing yourself to ignore the bleading obvious. There's something very fishy about this bloke - that's why you posted here. You say you are sick of the messy situation at the moment but just wait until you are truly enmeshed with him and with kids as well. Anyway, how can you even consider buying a house and having kids with someone you've only known for 10 months. Again, I think this is your desperation. I reckcon you'll regret the day you set eyes on him if you persist in this relationship.

He is a walking red flag!!!

You need to do some justice by your future children by picking a suitable father.

This man sounds unsuitable in short, unless you want lies, uncertainty and smoke and mirrors to be part of their life too.

I think you should walk away from this relationship. I must agree it sounds messy and you might be in it out of desperation.

Run as fast as you can

I'm so sorry I made you cry. It wasn't my intention. For me, it has been six years since my ex and I separated, and coming up for two on the divorce. This was something I wanted as he was abusive, but it has still taken me a while to get back to myself. Please take care of yourself, you deserve looking after.

Run away!
He is not the man for you. There's no way you should be investing any time or money in a relationship with someone you already don't trust - after just 10 months.

Look after yourself, and buy your own house, preferably far, far away from him.
You are worth so much more.

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN.

This all sounds shady AF and so stressful. YANBU to want to run away now before you get financially/legally involved or end up with children.

You must choose the very best of men to be the father of your children. Why would you want them to have less than that?

10 months in and the 'plan has always been to rent then buy' 10 months. Protect yourself and your money. He's a whole carnival or red flags!

Red flags galore.

Liars lie.
You'd be miles better off removing him from your life. Why would you keep him?

He is a liar, not just once but a serial liar. When called out on those lies he DARVOs you to make you feel bad.

Why would you want a child with someone like that? Because it won't be just you he lies to but your joint child. You know how much it screws children up having a liar for a parent?? Wait until that child grows up and realises their mother chose a liar to be their father. That's LC/NC territory. You wanna risk that?

Get rid. Keep your independence, and your sanity, and find a better man.

You've met a leech.

A man that is in financial hardship for having to pay the mortgage for a house he is choosing to live in and refusing to sell.

He is a boyfriend of less than a year. Move on.

Can I just ask...does his name start with an A? Cus this is sounding oh so familiar

If you stay with this man you are plain stupid and you will deserve all the shit he will throw your way.

Honestly based on some of your replies it sounds like a lot of the oddness is actually coming from you. You're the one assuming he would break up with him if you didn't move in with him and instead invested in your own property, but he hasn't actually said this. You're the one offering to cover a financial loss on his part despite it being only 10 months in and him making more money than you. I feel like you need to look at your own boundaries and expectations here. That isn't to say he isn't also acting sus, but a lot is coming from you.

Sorry OP but you are blind to this man. I don't think he loves you in the slightest. Nothing wrong with you, everything wrong with him. He just wants a new housekeeper and will say whatever he thinks you want to hear.

Throw him back in the sea.

Bless you! It wasn't in a bad way, I felt very seen and understood by your comment. That's what made me cry. Please take good care of yourself also. Happy Christmas :)