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Original poster

To think my partner lied to me again and therefore want to end it with him?

97 replies

Anawana · 19/12/2023 10:54

My partner and I are in our 30s and together for 10 months. We met online shortly after my divorce and it started off as a hookup. Quite quickly it turned into something serious.

At the beginning he was deceitful twice. One about his appearance - he only sent me a very old photo and he didn't look anything like it in person. Also about where he lives. He even faked a house move. When I asked him why and he said that it's because the fake address was closer to me in case it was an issue but it doesn't sound right as his actual address is only 5 minutes further than the fake one.

He still lives in the house he bought with his ex. She moved out over a year ago and stopped paying mortgage. It put financial strain on him and the house is on sale for over a year now.

They got an offer 20k under the original purchase price. Ex refused to pay anything if they go into negative equity. He called and asked my advice. As he's already losing money each month, I told him to consider the biggest hit he's willing to take alone and make a counter offer. I also told him that I'm happy to cover that loss when we buy a house together. He said he was going to counter it 5k less the original price. A couple of days later we met and he told me that he 'didn't hear back from the couple'. The next day we met his mum and she asked about it. He goes 'oh they offered 20k less than the original purchase price so I said no thanks'. So he didn't even counter their offer. I asked him afterwards and he said that he's really stressed and can't keep me in the loop with everything. He also said that now he's having to worry about our future together as well and doesn't feel complete autonomy over the decisions regarding the house. Well, I never commented on any of his decisions up uptil he called me and asked so not sure what he's on about!

My lease is up in 3 months. He wants me to move into that house. I have enough deposit saved up to buy a house on my own. If I did that though he'd break up with me as he does want to start a family with me.

I love him so much but at the same time I'm so tired of this mess. I want to get married again and have the kids that I always wanted. If I fully trusted him, I probably would but I really don't feel like waiting around for the house to sell. Am I being unreasonable to not trust him and if not, would you end with him if you were me?

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 19/12/2023 11:24

As others have said, you have no boundaries. He's a proven liar from the very first time you met, and so you cannot trust him - you would be an utter idiot to trust him.

Without trust, WTF do you have?

You don't even do fun stuff - what even is the point in this?

NotToYou · 19/12/2023 11:32

Run away. Raise your standards and develop some boundaries before getting involved with anyone else.

Original poster
Anawana · 19/12/2023 11:36

NOT trying to defend him but him asking me to move in was not a part of a wider scam. I told him my boundary was to get married before kids and he told me his boundary was for us to live together for at least 6 months before getting married. Our original plan was for us to rent together once the house was sold but as it's taking ages and we're not sure how long more and soon my current place's contract will be over he suggested that I move in.

Only part didn't sit well with me was initially he told me that in no good conscience he could charge me rent and indirectly cover his ex's mortgage. I didn't tell him that but I told myself I'm not a free loader and I would definitely contribute. 2 weeks later he was acting very depressed and down. He told me he was struggling. I then told him that I would contribute towards his mortgage and he accepted it.

OP posts:
HippeePrincess · 19/12/2023 11:41

What would possess you to consider marriage with someone who has nothing when you have enough to put down a good deposit on a house? You could lose everything?
and with bloke?
listen to what your gut is really telling you, you have doubts for a very good reason.

BaconMassive · 19/12/2023 11:42

He's lied about where he lives and his appearance?

Why would you trust what he says about what he earns?

ManateeFair · 19/12/2023 11:44

Have you posted about this man before? The lying about the address at the start sounds very familiar.

Anyway - for god's sake, ditch him. You've been seeing for a less than a year and he lied to you literally from the very first moment you met him; he's an absolute wrong'un.

He'll break up with you if you buy a house on your own? Fucking hell. Can you seriously not see what's going on here? Get rid of him!!

Cattenberg · 19/12/2023 11:45

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN.

Because I promise you, the lies you. know about are the tip of the ICEBERG.

That was my experience too. One of my ex’s misled me about his age and his job and after we broke up, lied to me about selling his house (no idea why - it was none of my business by then). I’m also pretty sure with hindsight that he was cheating on me.

I would run a mile from this bloke. I certainly wouldn’t be subsidising him or starting a family with him. And it would be crazy to enter into any financial commitment with someone this dishonest.

GreatGateauxsby · 19/12/2023 11:47

OldTinHat · 19/12/2023 11:20

⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️ the hills are that way >>>

💯

You cannot trust this guy.
Ruuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnn

Mrsttcno1 · 19/12/2023 11:49

This is all far too much bother after only 10 months together for me personally.

After 10 months I wouldn’t even be considering buying a house with this man, unless you are prepared to be the one paying all of the mortgage and bills this time next year while trying to sell that house after it’s all fallen down around you.

It’s been 10 months- there is no rush- he is trying to rush because of his own financial and living arrangements but that is NOT your problem. He’s an adult, let him fix his own problems independently and once you are both unattached (and preferably after you actually get some truth out of him), see how you feel on the house front. X

TreadLightly3 · 19/12/2023 11:49

Oh my god this man is awful and such a manipulator!!!!! Run as fast as you can @Anawana

seriously, you will see if you start making moves to get on with your life plans or don’t do what suits him I bet there will be tons more manipulation (depressed, suicidal, loves you more than anyone he’s loved before, etc). I hope to god you get out of this awful situation soon xx

StrawberryWater · 19/12/2023 11:54

Why the hell aren’t you running for the hills? This man is a serial liar ffs! And you want to forgive him money as well (which I bet you haven’t even thought to ring fence legally)!

Raise your bar girl. Currently it’s about an inch off the ground. You should be demanding more for yourself.

IncompleteSenten · 19/12/2023 11:56

You'd have to be a fool to move in with him.
10 months and lots of lies and you want to tie yourself to him?

You need to be smarter than that.

XmasCrumble · 19/12/2023 11:56

Christ almighty, you’ve been together 10 months, he’s lied, you don’t trust him and you don’t have much fun together… yet you want to marry him and have kids with him? Please
set your bar a bit higher

ScrumbleBumble · 19/12/2023 11:56

You have more to lose once you marry him (and then divorce), than he does.

Think about that.

MonsteraMama · 19/12/2023 11:57

Fgs raise your bar! Don't let your desire for marriage and children overrule your common sense or standards! This man is neither husband nor father material.

Bernieee · 19/12/2023 12:02

Make sure you use your money to buy your OWN house.
let that man sort out his own problems. Very weird and strange guy and just very distrustful. I would leave.

Always told not to marry someone you wouldn’t trust to be in business with. I think the house situation applies here. Do not buy a house with him as you would never be able to trust him

Bernieee · 19/12/2023 12:03

Why on earth you would cover the cost, marry and have children with a man you met 10 months ago and who has lied to you?

Terrribletwos · 19/12/2023 12:06

Anawana · 19/12/2023 11:36

NOT trying to defend him but him asking me to move in was not a part of a wider scam. I told him my boundary was to get married before kids and he told me his boundary was for us to live together for at least 6 months before getting married. Our original plan was for us to rent together once the house was sold but as it's taking ages and we're not sure how long more and soon my current place's contract will be over he suggested that I move in.

Only part didn't sit well with me was initially he told me that in no good conscience he could charge me rent and indirectly cover his ex's mortgage. I didn't tell him that but I told myself I'm not a free loader and I would definitely contribute. 2 weeks later he was acting very depressed and down. He told me he was struggling. I then told him that I would contribute towards his mortgage and he accepted it.

Your last paragraph, where he didn't want you to pay rent and then went all sullen until you offered to pay towards mortgage is very telling! Aside anything else he should have more pride than to ask his GF to pay towards his mortgage and this in itself should not only raise flags but surely put you off him anyway. He has no pride, nor integrity and as you know is a liar.

Bernieee · 19/12/2023 12:07

Anawana · 19/12/2023 11:36

NOT trying to defend him but him asking me to move in was not a part of a wider scam. I told him my boundary was to get married before kids and he told me his boundary was for us to live together for at least 6 months before getting married. Our original plan was for us to rent together once the house was sold but as it's taking ages and we're not sure how long more and soon my current place's contract will be over he suggested that I move in.

Only part didn't sit well with me was initially he told me that in no good conscience he could charge me rent and indirectly cover his ex's mortgage. I didn't tell him that but I told myself I'm not a free loader and I would definitely contribute. 2 weeks later he was acting very depressed and down. He told me he was struggling. I then told him that I would contribute towards his mortgage and he accepted it.

The more I read of this the more astounded I am? What on earth?????? Sounds like a very clever love scam if I’m honest. Please be wise. Use your money for your own home and let him figure it out. Do not use your money to pay his mortgage - pay your own.

Freddiefan · 19/12/2023 12:08

The advice is unanimous. Run.

SwearyBetty · 19/12/2023 12:08

Save your breath people @Anawana is not listening to anyone’s advice here. Not sure why they bothered posting.

FlamingoFlamboyance · 19/12/2023 12:08

He's manipulating you by way of his behaviour into thinking it's your idea to help support him financially by the whole mortgage/rent sulking.

Run fast, he won't get any better

Terrribletwos · 19/12/2023 12:09

Yes, protect yourself and buy your own property in your own name and wait and see. Mind you, if he hasn't got much options he would most probably play the long game. Really, he's too much of a risk.

Saymyname28 · 19/12/2023 12:11

This relationship sounds miserable. You've been together less than a year and don't do anything for fun?

You absolutely should not pay towards his mortgage and honestly I wouldn't even believe him about any of the financial.

He's lied to you twice, big things, that you know of. Liars lie, how can you possibly trust a word that comes out of his mouth?

luckylavender · 19/12/2023 12:11

Good God woman, open your eyes & run

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