To think some romance scam victims are simply stupid?

[TheAverageJoanne]

At home today and have the TV on with For Love or Money about romance fraud. One victim is an international business development manager but gave £113000 to scammers, persuading her mother and sister to part with their savings

How far the love of Christ would you trust someone with a responsible job when they do this sort of thing and judgement flies out of the window?

I get there are people who are lonely and vulnerable but this one took me by total surprise. How could she have been so stupid? She received an email while waiting for him at the airport, showed it to airport staff who confirmed it was fake but still sent another £30000 to prevent airport staff at the other side from killing him. Jesus Christ.

Could you please stop picking on the BeeGees? Years ago we and a group of friends were in a restaurant in France. In those days DH had a beard and plenty of flowing hair The waitress said to me ‘Your ‘usband is verry ‘andsome, ‘e is like a BeeGee’. This is still remembered, laughed about, quoted and used to tease him. Consequently I have always had a soft spot for Barry Gibb but am pleased to say that DH has actually worn much better than him.

I have always had a soft spot for Barry Gibb but am pleased to say that DH has actually worn much better than him.

I think Barry Gibb has worn pretty well! I mean he is 76.

Agree but also the scammers that are doing this are pure evil.

If a doctor messaged me I'd think he was lost.

I can't think of anything kinder to say, either.

Somebody I worked with went on holiday to one of the classic places for these sorts of scams/fake relationships and described how the young men working at the resort would want to spend time with women her age, passing her their phone number/email addresses.

Even just mildly saying it should be treated with caution, her reply was 'Oh, I didn't, but they're all housed in little flats with no families, they miss their Mums and are just lonely'.

Another person was absolutely convinced that she was going to run away to buy a bar in the sun with - verbatim - The Man of My Dreams. Found out when she was asking where she could borrow forty five grand with no questions asked, no security, no credit check and a repayment period of 90 days (when she earned less than fifteen) that this great romance was with somebody she'd never even seen by Facetime. He'd got in touch after she'd purely coincidentally been sending money to a psychic asking if she was ever going to find true love (clearly, her husband wasn't it for her). Still refused to believe it was a con and stopped talking to anybody who even twitched their eyebrow at it.

I think that while you can never saynever in terms of being scammed in some way, I think there is absolutely a difference between the kind of scammer who pretends to be from your bank, or is texting you about a parcel you're expecting, and someone pretending to be a foreign agent working for the secret service and running into trouble to the point that women willingly hand over their cash, go into debt even to help them. I'd think someone going into debt like that for someone she actually knew was an idiot, but for someone she didn't well, idiot is too small a word to describe them.
As for the one with the gofundme account, anyone who gave money to that is an absolute halfwhit. I mean, willingly handing over money to a woman with form for giving money to scammers? I'd say that's probably a scam in itself.

We aren't supposed to name call so I'll just say ... Your thread is nasty.

The biggest risk factor is age, that's why scammers have more success with older people in the main.

And we're all going to age.

Scamming is only going to increase as Artificial Intelligence negates the need to speak the same language as the scammee. It is so easy to translate your sob story into multiple languages, throw it at a load of email addresses and see what sticks.
I don’t think this is a nasty thread. Just an observation that ‘love’ is blind and irrational. X10

Sad thing is you can put the evidence in front of some people that proves 💯 they’re being scammed and they still carry on hanging over cash

As I said upthread, I work in financial crime within investment management. We’ve told clients we believe they’re being scammed, we’ve shown them the proof, we’ve frozen their accounts and they STILL keep sending money.

Sadly there’s none so blind as those who don’t want to see what’s in front of their eyes.

Add in AI generated photos, videos and voices and the scammers will be able to have a field day.

There was an item on tv about someone's voice being captured by AI and then the AI program mimicking it really well. Scary stuff

Most people on here saying they couldn't imagine falling for it are young-ish. You may have friends, jobs, partners.

Maybe when you're 75 and widowed ten years, and when you haven't been hugged, kissed, touched, told you're lovely, kind, special - you'll have an inkling of what it's like. When no-one has shared a laugh with you, (other than a "social" laugh in female company), no-one has really listened or understood, or asked your opinion on anything for YEARS - then you'll understand that thirst for a "connection" that makes people so vulnerable.

But these aren’t all 75 year olds, or close, and you can’t assume the age range of people posting. I’m sorry if you’re in the situation you describe, but it’s seldom, although not never, the elderly.

I don’t agree and I think this sort of analysis is unhelpful. Hoping that a stranger on the internet really does love you and really does need the money he’s asked for is not an abusive relationship. It’s a fraudulent relationship. And the way to combat fraud is not to believe things without solid proof.

Saying that being scammed is an abusive relationship denies people their agency and self-control.

You're right - I did assume the age range of many of the posters saying they couldn't imagine why people would get sucked in. And I shouldn't have. And you were right to point it out.

You also made an assumption that I am over 75 - which I'm not at all. I've just worked for some time in this field and deal again and again with the victims of this type of scam. It's empathy or understanding rather than identification with.

I also know it's not only older people who get conned, but they are over-represented as they tend to be easy targets.

Agree OP, and while I do sympathise to some degree, I find it hard to believe that anyone can still be unaware of these scams. I guess their ego is so flattered that they can't imagine a scam would happen to them. Also seems unfair thank banks have to repay the scammed when surely it is not recoverable from the criminal. There was a really interesting case on R4 You and Yours the other week - they cover a lot of these - not romance but a crypto currency scam. The bank involved were very proactive and the program was able to play the bank's recorded conversations withe the scammed couple. At the scammers instruction they lied many times to the bank when asked if the transactions involved crypto currency, if anyone had told them what to say, etc. They lost everything and were not refunded.

The woman I mentioned in my OP is 50. She said she'd been married for 14 years and after her divorce her friends convinced her to join OLD where she met the scammer. She met him quickly too.

@TheYearOfSmallThings yes he’s not too bad but DH, who is 72, is better. I nearly posted a photo of him but didn’t want to start a debate on who has retained more of his looks. (Except that it is definitely DH)

Sounds like you're doing well for yourself there!

You didn't "tear it apart", you posted an utterly irrelevant comment in your own attempt to feel superior. Maybe you need to do better, like work on your comprehension of context.

I watched the Barry Gibb episode this evening. The woman in it reminded me very much of an older version of a friend of mine, who has ASD. I felt extremely sorry for her.

They’re not narcissistic for wanting to feel gorgeous and loveable. That’s not what I said. It’s narcissistic to believe that someone you’ve never met who’s hitting you up for thousands of pounds thinks your gorgeous and loveable

Similar to all the posters on this thread saying how any cynics are stupid or unfeeling to agree with OP. Unlike clever, empathetic, good them...

@Fionaville

What makes a person of average intelligence, fall for romance scams?

Loneliness? Needing to feel someone loves you and you have a life companion to fill the void in your life? Waking up to someone instead of alone or to your cat?

I watch those romance scammers programmes on TV and feel so sorry for those (usually) women who seem so desperate they're not applying any common sense to the situation and refuse to take good advice from family and friends. I hope I manage to hold onto a sense of self preservation and never find myself in the same situation.

Those scammers seem to start with small asks, small amounts of money and groom their target, using guilt to take them to the next step.

There's usually a phrase I try to remember. "If something sounds too good to be true, it usually is.." 🌹

Not remotely the same.
I've seen posts on here from posters who are blatantly being approached by scammers "I had a message from someone I met on holiday five years ago and he told me how he's lost his wife and child and how he has no-one and no mone'y and I'm the only person he feels he can reach out to." and the virtue signalling posters jump all over it, telling the Op that "he sounds desperate, and how would you feel if you say no and it's all true and you did nothing." practically guilt-tripping the OP into being scammed.
It's the "I'd rather be taken in by a scammer than see someone go hungry" types who are partly responsible for the fact that so many scammers are successful.