Stressed and anxiety and getting signed off work.

[RoombaRama]

Please be gentle here, my mental health is absolutely in pieces at the moment and I know perhaps Aibu isn't the best place to post but I know posting elsewhere may not get as much traffic.

I'm reaching breaking point at work at the moment. My manager is so cold and if fills me dread talking to her.
Team morale is so low at the moment. Workload is ridiculous. Staff turnover is high.

I have been sat at my desk in tears some days.
The final nail in the coffin is the revocation of all work from home days meaning that as a lone parent its going to make my life incredibly difficult.

Admist all of this, I'm going through an incredibly stressful and bitter family court battle with my abusive ex.

My daughter is also having severe behavioural issues at home and is on a waiting list for adhd assessment. She starts counselling in the new year.

I feel in tatters. I'm crying all the time.

I want to get signed off but I feel shame about it. I've always maintained a good attendance record at work and I've never been signed off work before. I really don't know what to do but just know something has to give.

but op what happens when you return? work will be the same

it sounds like you need to be looking for another job OP

Please please please go to your doctor. I was so ashamed when I was signed off, but it was honestly the best thing possible for my health. You have to do what is best for you.

Take the week off sick then see your GP for a sick note. And ask for a referral to occupational health.

No one gives you an extra year of life or health because you went to work every day when ill. There is no life time achievement award for presenteeism. Fuck your manager.

Hope you're OK.

You sound exhausted and down. Don’t worry about being signed off. There’s no shame. It’s what it’s for. Take some time to regroup 💐

Take the leave - there's no shame in it.

But yes, I would advise you to look elsewhere and take back control after a little rest.

At the end of the day an already unsustainable job is going to get even worse as it's going to make life harder.

There is absolutely nothing to be gained from staying and you have nothing at all to be ashamed of

but what’s going to change when you return?

Your post just made me burst into tears. This is exactly how I feel. Exactly.

I do need to find a new job, I'm just scared of what the sickness record will look like to an employer.

If it makes a difference. I work for the NHS

OP i am in the minority

i suggest you do not go on sick leave

instead you focus all your effort into looking for another job

I really don't know what to do :(

Do it. It'll catch up on you eventually. If you do it now, you might just need a shorter break. If you let it go to full on breakdown, it can be a lot worse.

Hi @RoombaRama, I'm sorry that things are so stressful for you right now. My advice is to make an appointment with your GP ASAP. Tell reception that you are feeling depressed. If you haven't taken medication for depression or anxiety before then please don't be afraid of taking whatever the doctor may prescribe. Medication often provides the space to think more clearly as it can lessen the constant noise in your head when you're stressed.

Your GP may issue a 'not fit for work' note - if you get full sick pay I would take whatever time off that is suggested. I know how hard it can be, especially if some of the stress is work related.

Be kind to yourself- it will pass 💐

Hi Op!

I really wouldn’t worry at all. Get yourself signed off. Have you got any time off over Christmas? As might be worth waiting until after if so.

If the sickness record does get included on a reference it won’t say the reasons so you could tell the employer you had anything at all. Even your sick note can be super vague (the doctor might ask what you are happy with).

You are going through a lot and you absolutely need a bit of time away. Work isn’t everything.

Wonder if you could move departments or anything in the short term?

x

If you take time to heal, you return stronger.

Obviously.

There are no prizes for not using sick leave.

Get signed off until after Christmas and use the time to find anew job, outside the NHS.

Take the sick leave. Don't worry about the sickness record. Maybe the NHS is different, but I've never had access to any sickness records (or asked about it) as a hiring manager.

Ignore those saying 'What will change', you'll not be worse off for having a chance to stop, breathe and regroup. And you might find all you need is to take something off your plate for a little while. Once you can think straight you'll hopefully be able to come up with a long-term plan. It might be a great chance to start looking for a new job if you feel up to it.

The idea some have given about doing a job search on top of work and how you're feeling! Madness, and entirely unnecessary.

If you go off sick, self refer to occupational health and tell them your issues are partly work related. This might lead to some pressure being taken off or some meaningful change to your work environment. It might not - but it's worth a try.
Also see what EAS workplace counselling you have access to. I work for NHS too and I can get 4 sessions of counselling. It's not brilliant but it's better than nothing.

Thank you. I had already self referred last week.

I’m so sorry you are going though all of this OP. Listen, one thing I’ve learned over the years is you are never any better thought of for dragging yourself into work, there are no medals to be won! Take the first 7 days off self certified and try get a GP appointment explain your situation and they will sign you off with stress for however you/ they deem necessary.

@velvetoptions
“but op what happens when you return? work will be the same

it sounds like you need to be looking for another job OP”

I disagree.
Yes the job is stressful but the real issues here are what’s going on at home.

Take time off from work OP
Allow yourself some breathing space and hopefully by the time you go back to work things will have eased off at home and work won’t seem so bad.

I think looking for another job at present will be an additional stress.

Work will be the same, but the OP won't. She'll be stronger and more able to cope. Also - don't you think the other issues may be making work unbearable? Maybe if a handle can be got on the DC's issues while OP is at home and feeling better the. The job itself won't seem so bad.

If you had a broken leg, or pneumonia or any physical ailment you wouldn't hesitate or worry about sickness records. Mental health issues are no different. Take the time off.

Have you got some time off over Christmas to rest and recharge.
As a starting point I’d be considering what of the following support you can get organised during that time if so.
Occupational health
A domestic abuse charity to support you through the court case
Some kind of child focused support for children who have been exposed to the trauma of domestic abuse as it may be that your daughter’s behaviour has been impacted by that.
Some respite at home (can you ask grandparents or friends?) so you can have a few hours to get out.
To speak to your gp about how you’re feeling.
To talk to your friends and family about how you’re feeling.
Of course if you need time off in addition to the above so be it. You need to prioritise yourself and prevent things from deteriorating.

Stupid response. If op allows themself time to heal, then they will return less anxious and stressed and work won't seem so overwhelming. Not a helpful comment.

@RoombaRama please get signed off before you burnout. There's no shame at all. You will be so glad you did it.

Thanks everyone. I've contact the GP this morning and they've triaged my request. I should get a response by tomorrow from them.

Get signed off for sure. Then take the time to consider what the options are for you eg another job