Stressed and anxiety and getting signed off work.

[RoombaRama]

Please be gentle here, my mental health is absolutely in pieces at the moment and I know perhaps Aibu isn't the best place to post but I know posting elsewhere may not get as much traffic.

I'm reaching breaking point at work at the moment. My manager is so cold and if fills me dread talking to her.
Team morale is so low at the moment. Workload is ridiculous. Staff turnover is high.

I have been sat at my desk in tears some days.
The final nail in the coffin is the revocation of all work from home days meaning that as a lone parent its going to make my life incredibly difficult.

Admist all of this, I'm going through an incredibly stressful and bitter family court battle with my abusive ex.

My daughter is also having severe behavioural issues at home and is on a waiting list for adhd assessment. She starts counselling in the new year.

I feel in tatters. I'm crying all the time.

I want to get signed off but I feel shame about it. I've always maintained a good attendance record at work and I've never been signed off work before. I really don't know what to do but just know something has to give.

Curiosity has given excellent advice here.

Take the time off and take as much as you need.

I do need to find a new job, I'm just scared of what the sickness record will look like to an employer.

I wish I could ask the person coming back from MH for you. Please just know they are returning after Christmas to the same work place after they've had 2 months signed off after a years service. Plenty could change after a break.

I myself had three months of for physical needs when working for a courier company at the start of 2023 in some respects I wish I'd stayed in hindsight - it wasn't the drama made out to new employers and hasn't prevented me getting jobs during this year. (never yet had an offer withdrawn from a job based on this)

I don't have experience of it or whether shows up on new job search but I don't think it matters. Your health is the priority. Take the time off.

It will be very difficult to find a job over Xmas and new year, let’s be honest. And going off sick the week before Xmas is clearly going to be problematic in terms of others suspicion.

feom a work perspective there are various issues, workload, you need to speak to your manager about this, have a clear plan on what’s achievable

her being cold, turnover, or morale is not really something you personally can address. Not being able to work from home would be a wider decision that it no surprise.

yout personal life seems very difficult, which is I think reducing your ability to cope with work.

so the question is , will simply having a few days off sort the issues, or is something much more significant required. Sitting openly crying at your desk every day is very concerning, not just for you but for those working with you.

I think as well as get signed off, you need to speak to your doctor to help you through this period in your life.

but the environment won’t have changed

so same situation will likely develop

I think I do.need a period of time just to get my head together. Work may well be the same when I get back but at least I'll be in a clearer frame of mind when deciding what to do.

Currently I just feel dread and stress when I think of work and it's clouding my judgement.

The final nail in the coffin is the revocation of all work from home days meaning that as a lone parent its going to make my life incredibly difficult.

but this won’t change.

I stand by my view… that going on sick will be putting a flimsy plaster on a gaping infected wound

better to job hunt actively whilst not on sick leave. and get the hell out of there

but it won’t be the same?
it will be worse because all WFH has been revoked

Just wanted to say take care of yourself OP because you can't count on anyone else to do it for you. Give your mind and body what it needs and take some stress off as best you can.

Longer term definitely find another job. The NHS is sadly notorious for wrecking the mental health of its staff.

As a PP said if you had a physical illness you wouldn't think twice about taking time off. Get through Christmas and then concentrate on trying to find a new WFH role.

How old is your daughter? It's really tough when you have a ND child. Things can become overwhelming and you need to look after yourself too

Pleased to hear this. I had a combination of work and home stress, didn't take time of as I should have done, and became very unwell as a result.
The time i have had off has really helped me come to terms with some things, deal with others and generally look after my physical and mental wellbeing.

I will be going back in a couple of months and I'm starting to feel ready to do so. If I had asked for sick leave earlier I doubt I would have needed to take so long.

My daughter is 5. Her behaviour can be really awful and out of control sometimes. Its not helped by the fact her father is an abuser.

It's been one thing after another these past few years and I've just been on autopilot.

I'm starting to buckle, and the politics and toxic atmosphere at work is just making everything worse.

That sounds really tough @RoombaRama

oh bless you, i’ve been in a similar situation and it’s horrible. But sick leave is there for situation like this - your mental health is important and you deserve time to recover. Couple of things:

1. Get yourself signed off and REST before you do anything else. You can self certify for seven days, then get a fit note from your GP.
2. Check your work sick pay policy (some are very generous, others only offer statutory sick pay).
3. Start looking for a new job. Don’t let your current job knock your confidence - get out and go work somewhere that values and appreciate you.

OP I was signed off for 6 weeks recently for very similar reasons. Like you say - something had to give and it could only be work.

My employer, and manager in particular, hsve been very supportive (public sector).
Now that I'm back the stress is returning but it gave me a bit of breathing space and time to think.

I've decided to ask to take a step down (hardly any difference in pay but a lot less stress).

Do what you need to and don't be ashamed - you wouldn't hesitate to take time off for a physical health problem so why should this be any different.

I think ultimately the right thing to do is find another job.

I did actually apply for a couple. Both still within the NHS but not Hospital Trusts..I've spoken to one of the recruiters and there's committed to flexible working and said the expectation is to be in once a week but otherwise flexible.

It's not even the revoking of wfh days, it's just the complete lack of support, how cold my manager has been, I've been upset and not being asked if you're ok.. its a lot of things. It's a very toxic atmosphere where I work also.

OP I work in the NHS and I've been singed off with stress for a couple of months. I'm not dealing with a bereavement so off for another month. My manager is also bonkers. I think there is a special breed of person who becomes an NHS manager and it's hard to explain it to non NHS. I've now started actively looking and applying for new jobs, within my trust and elsewhere. You can be signed off and actively looking to get yourself out of this toxic environment. Your health is far more important.

Don't feel bad for taking this time for yourself. I wish you all the best.

I agree about toxic managers … it’s a special breed in the NHS.

Be kind to yourself op

Take time off and while you’re off and your head starts to clear, maybe look at applying for something better.

Thank you. It really has become awful the past few months.

It's not even the revoking of wfh days, it's just the complete lack of support, how cold my manager has been, I've been upset and not being asked if you're ok.. its a lot of things. It's a very toxic atmosphere where I work also.

there is nothing worse that a heartless uncaring manager. It's how it makes you feel, not what they say or do that makes the difference. Having an empathetic manager who you can go to and talk through issues, and reach a resolution together, makes a world of difference.

Toxic atmosphere start from the top down. Every bad work environment I've ever been in, has always been due to inept or inhumane management. Conversely, good leaders inspire and get the best from their team or department, without fail, sickness levels are low and productivity is high.

Give yourself time, keep looking and don't settle for less than you deserve or see this stressful period as being due to your own inadequacies, they belong with your horrible manager.

What is it you do Op?

Find another job op. A job with zero responsibility, no pressure and no cares, it pay less.

Dont ask for strangers opinions then tell them to be "gentle" with you.

heavens

have you had a particularly stressful day @JenniferJuniper80 ?

Are you ok Jennifer?

the irony @JenniferJuniper80 that on a thread you started… your final post is … . glad to realise that mumsnet is still getting worse every time I ask for help.