To think ex wives should not invite ex hisbands relatives she had not met while they were married to visit her?

[Happyclapper18]

To think my DP's ex wife with whom he had a very acrimonious divorce should not have invited my DP's family from the US to stay with her when they next visit London. She has never met them but joined in on a video message his adult children made to send wedding wishes to their cousin. I am furious. She made his life hell for 20 yrs and took all his money . The US relatives have a vague understanding of what happened but I just don't know what I would do if they take her up on her offer. As he was left with nothing we have a very modest small home while she has a £600K house in Surrey and seems to hijack every event with no shame.
Now she is trying to muscle in playing the fab hostess with his family. His 3 adult children will be coming to stay after Christmas, because obviously the ex gets first pick of Christmas EVERY year, and I don't know how I can keep my feelings in AGAIN and keep the peace. I feel like I am always having to hold my tongue so as not to cause any upset.

Oh shit, I never met my exDPs American family until after we had split up (and he died). Maybe I should stop going to visit them and having their children stay when they visit.

OP you seem a bit over invested in what two lots of presumable consenting adults that you don't know are doing

She clearly acts like this because she’s surrounded by people who will allegedly bow to her demands, regardless of how unreasonable she is.
Yanbu to be annoyed that they don’t stand up to her but maybe the children say what they think you want to hear which is common when kids have divorced parents.
You wouldn’t be unreasonable to tell your h to stop moaning as he’s never going to act on things and make a change.

Why on earth would her hosting your partner’s cousins that none of you have ever met ‘throw a spanner in the works’? Were you so keen to have a bunch of total strangers staying with you in your ‘modest small house’ that you feel disappointed?

If the judge had felt she connived ..... she would not have been awarded everything in a divorce case. The fact your DH was left with nothing suggests otherwise.

Invite them to yours after. Job sorted.

“How is it any of your business?”

I genuinely do not understand relationships on Mumsnet where people say to their partners “I don’t care about things that worry you.” Obviously it’s OP’s business and she’s allowed an opinion.

OP - ex sounds like the classic bitter ex. Rise above, don’t let it wind you up. Easier said than done, but seriously, you cannot control what she does, only your reaction to it.

Unhinged, bitchy comment based on nothing the OP said. Hope you feel better for being such a sarky PoS.

My DP has met them. He's visited them 4 times in the States. Their relationship is completely with him and his children, not her. They found him about 6 yrs ago and they are in regular touch but have no relationship with her. That's my point!

How do you know? Were you there?

Too complicated to explain but that was the situation. Why do people on here not accept that things are not always black and white?

How old are the adult children op? And how is it that you know exactly how this FaceTime conversation went down?

We've got time op. This is Mumsnet. We live a dripfeed.

No he didn't bring any money into our relationship and I am fine with that. He is very hardworking but lost his business during Covid and has had to start again from scratch at 62yrs old.

I mean, they’re her children and his children, and they’re adults. Three adult children + two adult parents creating this situation, and you’re getting annoyed with only one of them? Either your DP and his children are all wet blankets or they don’t mind as much as you do. Whatever the case, you’re wasting your energy getting annoyed by this. You really are. You’ll never win.

As I said before, because I've seen it!

You're absolutely right!

It was recorded and my DP showed it yo me not thinking it would bother me.

How old are the adult children? How do you know the ex was on the video call? Why do you think you get to dictate who talks to whom?

You may well feel irritated but actually what right do you have to veto her contact?

Itvwas recorded and I've seen it!

Recorded by your husband? When he was with his ex and kids?

It’s very weird that his ex wife wants to host her exes family at Christmas. Perhaps she does these things just to annoy you and your dp- mission accomplished. The best thing would be to focus on your own family and take absolutely no interest in anything to do with her whatsoever. The DCs are adults, there is no need for them to complain to you about their mother. That is their relationship to navigate. Take a massive step back and let it all go over your head, you’ll feel much better for it.

It seems that there aren't many people on here who understand the concept of what s appropriate to do and what is not. Obviously people are free to do whatever the hell they like but that doesn't mean that those actions are acceptable, considerate or understandable.
I am also entitled to my feelings.

She’s offering to host her children’s cousins (and maybe their parents)!!! What on earth is inappropriate about that?! She’s doing it for her children. It not about you!

I struggle to imagine how compelling this woman must be to have your husband and adult children all seemingly spellbound into doing what she wants against their will. And if that's not enough, forcing a judge to order an unfair settlement that they deemed 'conniving'. And now, to have somehow coerced these relatives into meeting her. No doubt against their will too.
I wonder if somewhere along the way, people are being less than truthful with you OP, and are perhaps telling you what you want to hear about a woman that people do actually like and want to spend time with?

Oh come on @Happyclapper18 you've been asked many times to clarify the situation and you have chosen not to.