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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if I actually have a criminal record?

52 replies

barnside · 18/12/2023 08:12

I’m very anxious about this and I’ve looked online a lot and can’t seem to find an answer.

In 2019 I was four months pregnant and in a horrible relationship. It was the worst time of my life and I can’t believe it happened to me, never ever thought I would end up in a situation like that. I don’t know if the trauma of everything has made my memory bad but I am now about to go for a job which asks for enhanced dbs and I have to declare on the application if I know of anything relating to a criminal record. Before you read what’s next I just want to say I am utterly ashamed of it all and yes, I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the last few years.

Basically in 2019 I called the police twice in a panic while in a room with this man. They came out and took a statement from me the first time which I was reluctant to give. Man was arrested and taken in for questioning. No further action was taken and things changed for a while, until the next time where I called and hung up but they still turned up anyway. On that occasion they asked us both questions separately and then told us we needed to be apart for 24 hours and that was it.

I left a few days later and then came back to collect my things. He wouldn’t let me in, I was banging on the door and then he suddenly opened it, pushed me to one side and started to leave the building. I followed him and I think grabbed his coat or arm and said please let me get my things, practically begging him. Next I remember him disappearing round the corner outside on his phone and then a few minutes later police turning up in cars. Apparently he had rang his dad and his dad had decided to call the police to say he was being harassed and threatened by me. I saw the police arrive as I was still waiting to speak to my ex outside the building and I saw them talking to him. I walked over and said what is going on I’m just trying to talk to him about the pregnancy and collect my things. Then what happened next is a blur, the two policeman came to me and I remember saying something like I am so worried my baby will have an awful father and one of the policemen said he didn’t have a dad growing up and he was fine and I needed to think of myself. I remember them being nice. Then one of them said where’s you car, let me take you to it as it’s obvious this relationship is over, I said yes it was over and I wanted to leave but I didn’t know why he had called the police. One policeman stayed with my ex and the other walked me to my car and I asked what my ex had said to them, he said he had said he felt harassed and that I had accused him of keeping my watch (which I had, part of why I wanted my things back). I was so shaken up by all this that when he asked if I wanted him to get my belongings or look into the watch I just said no and he said ok I think it’s best you stay away from here don’t you? And I agreed. I then left and didn’t hear from my ex until a long time after when he started to make cms payments. Ex did say many months later that he never made an official statement but he answered all their questions and they wrote things down. I think they did the same with me but I don’t really remember exactly and more remember being taken to the car and general chat with them.

I don’t understand if I was given a caution or a warning? Have a got a criminal record in any way for harassment or harm or something? I have thought about it on and off over the years but only now I have this enhanced dbs that I’ve begun to think about it in detail. How can I find out? I’m not a bad person I just made some bad decisions and I want to continue moving forward positively but this is making me very stressed.

OP posts:
endlessdarkness · 18/12/2023 08:17

Generally, my understanding is that to have a criminal record, you need to have a conviction. In other words, have gone to court and been convicted of a crime. As that hasn't happened here, it doesn't sound to me like you could possibly have a criminal record.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 18/12/2023 08:17

No you don’t have a caution from that, you weren’t charged with a crime or didn’t go to court so you won’t have a record. Don’t worry. There may be some notes on a police file but nothing that would show up on a standard police check. Sorry for everything that happened and I’m glad things have gotten better for you since then.

Butchyrestingface · 18/12/2023 08:17

It doesn’t sound like they cautioned you at all. They just advised you to stay away from him.

Seven7seven · 18/12/2023 08:18

I wouldn't worry it doesn't sound like you were given a warning or a caution. The police have to write things down so they have a continuous log of things said etc for all call-outs. Don't stress about it.

Catza · 18/12/2023 08:20

No court and conviction = no criminal record.

Vallmo47 · 18/12/2023 08:21

I just wanted to send you some love Op, you sound really anxious and I couldn’t read and run. This isn’t something for me (an unprofessional on social media) to judge. There are always two sides to every story at the end of the day and it sounds as if the police did what they had to at the time. Based on what I’ve read there shouldn’t be a criminal conviction because your ex didn’t press charges against you - he just wanted you to leave and that’s what happened. Assuming you’ve written down everything and nothing transpired before/after. But like I said, this is not something mumsnet can or should advice you on. Personally I would move on with my life as if I did not have any convictions and be proud of how far I’ve come since that disruptive relationship.

Have a lovely Christmas and good luck.

barnside · 18/12/2023 08:24

Thanks everyone. I felt sure it wouldn’t come up on a normal dbs but maybe an enhanced one?

I am such an anxious person generally and I am obsessing over this. I am sure I don’t have a conviction, so I can let that one go.

But I don’t really understand the difference between a warning or a caution? And what comes up on an enhanced dbs that wouldn’t on a normal one

OP posts:
Redlarge · 18/12/2023 08:27

No you havnt. Please stop worrying xxx

TheChippendenSpook · 18/12/2023 08:27

You'll be fine. You won't have a criminal record from the police speaking to you and advising you to leave. Trust me, you won't.

SarcasmAndCoffee · 18/12/2023 08:27

It probably will come up on a DBS - I reported someone once for a situation and it flagged up on mine. This was within the last 6 years. Don’t know if there is a time frame though

AutumnLeaves333 · 18/12/2023 08:29

I’m not sure to be honest, I had a dbs check thinking I had no criminal record and then had a phone call from the local police asking why I’d lied on the form because I did have a criminal record.. I’d been cautioned for not have a dog under control in public when I was 15 (20 years previous). Although I know there was an ‘incident’ I didn’t even realise I had been formally cautioned at the time and even if I had I’d have assumed it would have been taken off my criminal record as I was under 16 at the time, so I can only assume they really do look at everything!

barnside · 18/12/2023 08:31

@SarcasmAndCoffee it flagged up that you had made a report?

OP posts:
Catza · 18/12/2023 08:31

barnside · 18/12/2023 08:24

Thanks everyone. I felt sure it wouldn’t come up on a normal dbs but maybe an enhanced one?

I am such an anxious person generally and I am obsessing over this. I am sure I don’t have a conviction, so I can let that one go.

But I don’t really understand the difference between a warning or a caution? And what comes up on an enhanced dbs that wouldn’t on a normal one

DBS looks at convictions, enhanced also looks at cautions. If nobody at any point of the incident read you your rights and/or explained your "crime", then no such thing took place. They cannot caution you without your consent. So someone would have informed you at the time that you were cautioned and if you declined, they would have read you your rights and taken you to the police station. You also must admit to the crime in order to be cautioned. From what you wrote above I am not even certain what the alleged crime is, and neither are you so clearly, this wasn't explained to you at the time.

barnside · 18/12/2023 08:32

@AutumnLeaves333 yes this is the thing I don’t know if being told I should leave was a caution or a warning? I just don’t know for sure and don’t know how to find out

OP posts:
Sundayrain · 18/12/2023 08:33

A caution is a formal thing, you'd know if you had one.

endlessdarkness · 18/12/2023 08:33

Can you just order a criminal check on yourself?

barnside · 18/12/2023 08:33

Catza · 18/12/2023 08:31

DBS looks at convictions, enhanced also looks at cautions. If nobody at any point of the incident read you your rights and/or explained your "crime", then no such thing took place. They cannot caution you without your consent. So someone would have informed you at the time that you were cautioned and if you declined, they would have read you your rights and taken you to the police station. You also must admit to the crime in order to be cautioned. From what you wrote above I am not even certain what the alleged crime is, and neither are you so clearly, this wasn't explained to you at the time.

@Catza thanks. I just remember asking what he had said to them and they said he had said he felt harassed and then we walked to my car. Was that them explaining my crime?

OP posts:
Catza · 18/12/2023 08:37

Just to add, failing DBS is not necessarily going to stop you from getting a job. Many workplaces would have policies which support hiring people with record of minor offences that are unrelated to population you work with. So, a sex offender would not be offered a job working with minors but someone who got cautioned for shoplifting at the age of 16 will likely be allowed to work in adult social care setting. There is an official term for this policy which I cannot recall before my first coffee.

OneMoreTime23 · 18/12/2023 08:41

An enhanced check can include details of other involvement with the police, but that very much depends on the role you’re applying for and whether it is relevant. This doesn’t sound like it would be.

OneMoreTime23 · 18/12/2023 08:41

Catza · 18/12/2023 08:37

Just to add, failing DBS is not necessarily going to stop you from getting a job. Many workplaces would have policies which support hiring people with record of minor offences that are unrelated to population you work with. So, a sex offender would not be offered a job working with minors but someone who got cautioned for shoplifting at the age of 16 will likely be allowed to work in adult social care setting. There is an official term for this policy which I cannot recall before my first coffee.

Rehabilitation of Offenders.

BMW6 · 18/12/2023 08:42

You were neither Cautioned nor Warned so there will be nothing to come up on any DBS checks, advanced or otherwise.

The Officer was merely advising you as in a normal conversation about your safety, nothing to do with any kind of crime committed by anyone.

You have absolutely nothing to worry about in this regard.

Catza · 18/12/2023 08:43

barnside · 18/12/2023 08:33

@Catza thanks. I just remember asking what he had said to them and they said he had said he felt harassed and then we walked to my car. Was that them explaining my crime?

Did you admit to harassing him? From my understanding, three conditions have to be met - the person logs the official complaint, you admit to the crime and police informs you that you have been given a caution. Neither appear to be the case here.
I am sure there are instances where the police doesn't follow the procedure but it is highly unlikely that you have been cautioned without your knowledge.

ThePoshUns · 18/12/2023 08:46

HI OP, to have had a caution you would have had to have been formally interviewed at a police station. You would have had to sign to accept a caution and the consequences of that explained to you.
You have absolutely nothing to worry about. Good luck for the future

TinySaltLick · 18/12/2023 08:47

You don't have anything to worry about - if you had received one, you would know about it. It would be made very clear at the time - this absolotely does not sound it happened beyond a bit of friendly deescalation.

Daffodil18 · 18/12/2023 08:47

This will be logged as a domestic incident with the police to yours and exs name. Nothing criminal though. It is used to monitor domestic abuse. To be honest given the previous involvement it will probably look like another form of control by your ex by the police being contacted. Given what you have said it seems the police were firmly on your side so their write up will have mimicked that. I really don’t think you have anything to worry about.

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