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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lock DH out of the house?

59 replies

wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 20:59

So many things have gone on and I'm at a point where I'm completely fed up. I don't want this in my life. He's been out all day again on a bender, I really don't want him coming in disturbing me and DC at god knows what time in the morning and I certainly don't want him around tomorrow when he's hung over when I have to work from home.

AIBU to lock him out?

OP posts:
MavisMarch · 17/12/2023 21:00

No yanbu. Put yourself and your children first.

missmollygreen · 17/12/2023 21:02

It is his house as well presumably? YABU

adriftabroad · 17/12/2023 21:03

yabu

Original poster
wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:03

@missmollygreen It is. But I live here with children and I don't want him coming in leathered waking us up in the early hours when we have work/school in the morning

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2023 21:03

You need to get out of the marriage completely if it's this bad. Stop wasting your time and file for divorce.

QueenBean22 · 17/12/2023 21:03

Where will he go? And will he cause a fuss if locked out?

SALWARP2023 · 17/12/2023 21:04

It's his home too. He is obviously drinking too much though which may mean he's unhappy with his life. In future arrange for him to stay elsewhere such as a hotel or friends or family.

Leeds2 · 17/12/2023 21:04

Won't he make more of a noise banging on the door/ringing the bell etc when he can't get in?

SocksAndTheCity · 17/12/2023 21:04

Surely he'll just batter on the door if he can't get in and make even more of a noise and disturbance?

Original poster
wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:04

QueenBean22 · 17/12/2023 21:03

Where will he go? And will he cause a fuss if locked out?

Edited

MIL & BIL live near us, he could go there

OP posts:
adriftabroad · 17/12/2023 21:04

wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:03

@missmollygreen It is. But I live here with children and I don't want him coming in leathered waking us up in the early hours when we have work/school in the morning

So go about it properly.
Get divorced.

Original poster
wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:05

I don't think he would batter the door. Think he knows I am pissed off and would probably just go to family who live closely

OP posts:
Original poster
wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:05

I would ring the police if he caused a disturbance

OP posts:
Spaghettieis · 17/12/2023 21:05

YABU. 1) what do you expect him to do, sleep on the street? You need to discuss the steps to splitting up seriously if you are done and doing something like this is not going to make that conversation easier. And 2) it’s still going to disturb you because he’ll end up rattling the door, shouting you and phoning you to let him in so it won’t serve your stated purpose anyway.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 17/12/2023 21:06

You need to make a stand and get divorced.

i just don’t think making that stand by locking him out of his own property (I assume, since you’re married) at 10pm is the way to do it.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 17/12/2023 21:07

wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:05

I would ring the police if he caused a disturbance

Ring the police and say what? My husband who legally lives here and presumably owns the property as well is drunk and since I’ve locked him out without telling him I was going to, he’s now banging on the door and ringing the bell?

GrumpyOldCrone · 17/12/2023 21:08

Could you text him now and ask him to do that? I think it’s probably unreasonable to simply lock him out, and he might make a lot of noise trying to get in. Clearly there are bigger problems though, and you need a plan to sort things out.

rorret · 17/12/2023 21:09

If I was you I'd text him now and ask him to go stay with his family.

User1786 · 17/12/2023 21:10

Of course you’re being unreasonable locking him out of his house, unless you feel he is dangerous?

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 17/12/2023 21:14

By lock him out do you mean go to sleep amd not answer the door or put a key on the inside so he can't get in with his key? They feel different to me. Legally it's his house too and you're both living in it so he does have a right to access the property and could call the police if you deny him entry. No idea if they'd come or what they'd do. Can you text him and say he needs to go sleep it off at MIL or BIL place, provided BIL doesn't have kids. I wouldn't mention locking him out.

HappyHamsters · 17/12/2023 21:16

Does his mum or brother want him there?

Original poster
wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:25

The problem is, MIL & BIL enable his behaviour and nobody ever tells him that how he acts is wrong. So done with it all

OP posts:
justalittlesnoel · 17/12/2023 21:25

wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:05

I would ring the police if he caused a disturbance

That's going to cause more disturbance to you and your children 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's late yes, but you can't just lock someone out like that. If you want him to stay elsewhere that needs to be discussed first.

YeahIsaidit · 17/12/2023 21:28

So you don't want to be woken up at a daft hour but think it's perfectly reasonable for him to go and hassle other family members down the road rather than letting him into his own home?

Original poster
wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:30

YeahIsaidit · 17/12/2023 21:28

So you don't want to be woken up at a daft hour but think it's perfectly reasonable for him to go and hassle other family members down the road rather than letting him into his own home?

Yes. If they want to enable his behaviour then they can deal with it.

OP posts: