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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lock DH out of the house?

59 replies

wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 20:59

So many things have gone on and I'm at a point where I'm completely fed up. I don't want this in my life. He's been out all day again on a bender, I really don't want him coming in disturbing me and DC at god knows what time in the morning and I certainly don't want him around tomorrow when he's hung over when I have to work from home.

AIBU to lock him out?

OP posts:
JamieKnows · 17/12/2023 21:32

Why ask if you're going to do what you want anyway?

RatatouillePie · 17/12/2023 21:35

Yes! Lock the door!

Kids and school come first and if he can't respect that then he can go elsewhere.

BarelyCoping123 · 17/12/2023 21:35

If he's going to be drunk, he's not going to be reasonable and just think "oh I'll just go to DM/DB" necessarily

mycatsanutter · 17/12/2023 21:36

Message him so he doesn't start banging the door , tell him you are tired need an early night and don't want to be disturbed with his pissed up antics so suggest he sleeps elsewhere.

YeahIsaidit · 17/12/2023 21:38

wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:30

Yes. If they want to enable his behaviour then they can deal with it.

Show quote history

How are they enabling it? Is it not more the case that they don't yell at a grown man for going out on the piss, however regularly?

Casmama · 17/12/2023 22:00

If you let him know by text that you plan to lock him out and he'll need to find somewhere else to sleep then fine. To let him come home and find the door locked with you shrugging your shoulders and blaming other people for enabling him is not.

PepsiCoco · 17/12/2023 22:02

You know YABU but I suggest you send him a text and tell him to go and stay with MIL or BIL while you think about your and the DC future.

mumtoboys12 · 17/12/2023 22:13

I would give him a heads up..

bonzaitree · 17/12/2023 22:15

Please leave this marriage.

It’s not normal to want to lock your Husband out!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/12/2023 22:16

wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:05

I don't think he would batter the door. Think he knows I am pissed off and would probably just go to family who live closely

Does he have keys to theirs? Does his phone have battery? I wouldn't leave someone to sleep on the street and freeze

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/12/2023 22:18

You could also send a message to the family WhatsApp saying 'DH has said he is staying out drinking till 3am I need to go to bed and lock up soon- which of your houses can he go to?'

RarrrrrrrrrrTheLittleLion · 17/12/2023 22:19

I would let him know that you are doing this so he goes straight to parents house.

Dotcheck · 17/12/2023 22:23

No you can’t lock him out.
Yes it’s unreasonable to push the problem on to your brother in law.
Text him to tell him to sleep on the sofa and to not disturb you when he gets in.

And then divorce this idiot

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 17/12/2023 22:25

If it was the other way round everyone would be saying of course you can't lock the wife out the house if she lives there. You at least need to let him know you'd rather he stayed somewhere else and see what he does/says otherwise I guess he will just come back home and wake you anyway? If it's so bad and it happens often, you need to break up.

HomiesAlone · 17/12/2023 22:26

Ltb?

rwalker · 17/12/2023 22:28

wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:05

I would ring the police if he caused a disturbance

In other words gas light him to kick off by lock him out then get the police

BaybeeTammy · 17/12/2023 22:28

He doesn't seem to have care or consideration for you and your child. He doesn't care that you have work and school and that you will probably have a disturbed night on egde worrying about if you can hear knocking etc and where he is.

He's taking the piss and some do do this without any consideration or input from their partner and there can be no reason for this apart from their own selfishness, although there could be a backstory.

Text him and tell him to stay with family. Lock the door and try get some sleep. Try focus on yourself and child tonight and tomorrow.

BMW6 · 17/12/2023 22:46

OP, to be fair YOU are also enabling his behaviour as long as you stay with him!

You do not have the right to lock him out of his own home, no matter what time it is or how pissed. The Police would laugh at you for complaining UNLESS he is actually violent.

You have a choice. You stay together or you don't. You put up with his drinking or you don't.

Either he changes or you do.

EatMyHead · 17/12/2023 23:03

YABU. You can't lock someone out of their own house, except in extreme cases like threat of violence.

What you can do is face up to when a relationship and living situation is untenable, and do something about it.

Kat200669 · 17/12/2023 23:11

Exactly what bmw6 said! You are tolerating this behaviour and not ending your relationship when you know its toxic

CagneyAndLazy · 17/12/2023 23:14

rwalker · 17/12/2023 22:28

In other words gas light him to kick off by lock him out then get the police

Show quote history

This.

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/12/2023 23:34

If he is that bad, do you want to end the marriage? His mother might enable him while he's not living with her, but if he does live with her, she might change her mind. Either way, I would just send him a message saying you're better off sleeping at your mum's tonight so you don't disturb the children.

Copperoliverbear · 17/12/2023 23:59

I'd lock him out and ask him to stay out, I'd want a man not another child. His clothes would be on the doorstep for him in the morning.

Tandora · 18/12/2023 00:06

God, no idea why people are telling you YABU 🤦🏼‍♀️.

I say YANBU , OP. Lock him out and go to bed. I agree with others, however that it might be best to text him now and let him know. This will reduce the chance he’ll come banging on the door etc.

Goodluck!

TinselTitts · 18/12/2023 00:08

wdc2024 · 17/12/2023 21:05

I would ring the police if he caused a disturbance

And they'd tell you to let him in so what's the point?