To not go to in laws

[Bananana1]

Before DH and I had DS we went to our own families for Christmas. Since we had DS we have spent Christmas morning at home and then went to my DM for Christmas dinner and spent a few hours there. DH is happy to spend Christmas Day at my DM’s. The issue is Boxing Day. The first year DH went to see his family alone as I had just had a CS and DS was newborn.

Last year, in laws were poorly and advised against anyone coming to them so we spent Boxing Day with my mum. I only found out Christmas night that it had been arranged that we would spend Boxing Day with them which annoyed me but it worked out ok as we couldn’t go anyway.

This year they want the 3 of us to go to them for Boxing Day but in doing this my DM will spend Boxing Day entirely alone. I have suggested DH goes to see his family alone and I will spend Boxing Day with my DM and for his parents to come stay with us for a night or two between Christmas and new year so they can spend time with us and DGS - this went down like a lead balloon.

I don’t think I am being unreasonable to not want to leave my mum alone.

It’s not like we can just pop round to DH’s family as they live 2.5 hours away. PIL also have both their daughters, partners and their kids for Christmas, Boxing and NYD. SIL both refuse to go to their PIL’s for any of these days but yet it’s expected that I should visit them despite the fact it leaves my only parent alone.

If the shoe was on the other foot I would never expect DH to leave one of his parents alone over the holidays while he came with me to play happy families.

You need to be fair to both families. I think you should be with your DH and DC too. I think it's odd to go on your own to your mother just so she is not alone. Sounds like she is used to being alone and it would be a bad precedent to set that you can never be with your inlaws on Christmas or Boxing day. What about a day at the weekend or NYD to be with your mum if she can't go with you to the inlaws?

We used to alternate which family we spent Christmas with, but travel to my family on Boxing day if it wasn't them. My siblings always went to my parents as one has inlaws abroad and the other has none. I'd have preferred to be with my family, even though I liked my inlaws, but it is what it is. Life has moved on now and all my family and most of DH's spend it all together. But we're lucky that it is so straight forward. Many families have a complicated situation.

Your mum needs to sort her own social life out and you need to be fair to your husband.

Can't you take DM with you to PIL. Otherwise just make it a new family tradition to spend Boxing day separately. Family time for DH and a girly lunch for you and your DM. It's called compromise.