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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let his lie go or should I say something?

65 replies

JackTheSad · 17/12/2023 13:55

Me and DH had a social clash a few weeks ago. Him beers with mates, I had tickets to something. Both of us a bit disorganised but he never puts anything in diary. I ended up going as tickets non refundable and he stayed home with DC.

He made quite a fuss. Lots of chat that he never goes out. Bit of a chat about all of them having fun without him. Even on the morning he was saying "maybe ill take DC to pub with me for one or two in the early afternoon so I don't miss out"

I have since found out it was cancelled 2 days before as no one could go anymore.

I often suspect he tells me little lies like this. I don't want to say anything and just carry on as not a big deal. But I also have weird thing about confrontation and I am a wimp

Do you think its weird that I'm not gonna say anything? Would you call him out on it?

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 17/12/2023 13:56

Yeah I would. But that's me!

rookiemere · 17/12/2023 13:57

That's not a little lie, it's a huge fabrication and I wouldn't let it go.

RandomMess · 17/12/2023 13:57

Yes I would say something, he's being deceitful, I would want to know why?

Xmasisoffsantahascovid · 17/12/2023 13:58

Call him out. He is a liar. I mean why wouldn't you? Ime the little lies add up. And blow up. I ended my previous marriage on what appeared to be 1 lie. It was the last in a line of smaller ones initially..

Spencer0220 · 17/12/2023 13:58

If I had found out he lied, absolutely.

Why make you feel guilty? There was no event for him to go to.

Is this all that is wrong in your marriage?

Sparklfairy · 17/12/2023 13:58

I think it is a big deal tbh. The lie was used to manipulate you and make you feel guilty - it's not a small thing. There's big implications to that.

TwoMoreBoxesJayne · 17/12/2023 14:00

That's a really big lie.

Lizzt2007 · 17/12/2023 14:00

Did he know it was cancelled? If he'd already called off then it's possible nobody bothered telling him 🤷‍♀️if he did then yes I'd mention it.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 17/12/2023 14:01

I wouldn’t bother to call him out, I’d just dump him.

LostSocksBrigade · 17/12/2023 14:01

He was totally playing the martyr and expecting you to be grateful for him not attending something that was cancelled anyway. What would have happened if you'd have decided to stay home instead? Tickets wasted for nothing. To echo other posters this isn't a little thing, it's a massive lie and I wouldn't let it go either. I'd be wondering what else he's lying about.

Fionaville · 17/12/2023 14:02

It's very weird that you aren't going to say anything! The man's a manipulator and a liar!

ANightingale · 17/12/2023 14:02

Who would have stayed with the DC if he'd gone to your ticketed event?

SophieHope7 · 17/12/2023 14:02

I wouldn't call him out but I would raise it... Seems selfish on his part to prevent you getting to go out

violetcuriosity · 17/12/2023 14:04

That is absolutely awful.

StandByMode · 17/12/2023 14:05

I actually think this is a big thing, because he was trying to guilt you and spoil your time out. That's a nasty man you have there.

imsureineverdo · 17/12/2023 14:05

Shocking. Definitely ask for an explanation.

Fraaahnces · 17/12/2023 14:05

Honestly, it’s that kind of bullshit guilt trip that men use to try and make you believe that you have no right to a life of your own and stop bothering to organize things. Call him on it in front of his mates and call him a whiny, manipulative liar.

Thehop · 17/12/2023 14:05

The lying git. Yes I'd call him out, I couldn't live with a liar

Pleatherandlace · 17/12/2023 14:06

I think what he did there was actually really nasty. You should raise it don’t let yourself be manipulated by passive aggressive behaviour. It’s so underhand and sly.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 17/12/2023 14:06

I would absolutely call him out, he knew it was cancelled but made a point of making you feel shit about going to your event-who the fuck even does that??
He's an arse and no way should you just let this go.

JockTamsonsBairns · 17/12/2023 14:08

I don't think I understand. If you'd said, 'ok, you go out, I'll cancel', where would he have gone? Was he just annoyed that you were going out, and trying to spoil it for you?
Because that's a huge red flag in itself.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 17/12/2023 14:12

Petulant, childish behaviour. He doesn't sound mature enough to have kids. I would definitely mention it, to let him know I know he'd lied, and I'm not impressed.

Crumpleton · 17/12/2023 14:12

I'd just ask him whether he found out beforehand or on the day the event was cancelled and leave it at that.

No need for an argument but I'd have to let him know I knew it was cancelled instead of him thinking he'd got away with not telling me.

Arightoldcarryabag · 17/12/2023 14:13

Making you feel bad whilst you were there is really not on.
Manipulating you to feel bad further on from the incident with lies about how they had a good time is in my opinion completely unacceptable.
Maybe your plans did have a bearing on it not happening, but he's been a real dick about this. It's bordering abusive.

Maybe hold onto this if you don't like confrontation as it's possible that one day soon you're going to need all the ammunition you can muster and having a few things in your back pocket might be really helpful when dealing with someone so manipulative.

GabriellaMontez · 17/12/2023 14:15

Why would you let this go unmentioned? Are you scared of him?