Am I being too sensitive, or is my partner being mean?
Please be gentle with your replies, I am feeling delicate today.
We’ve been together 10 years, both early 30s and have a little one. Our relationship is by no means perfect and we have our disagreements, but recently I’ve felt more deflated than usual.
My partner seems to make criticisms of me, and it’s wearing me down. At this point, I don’t even think he likes me, let alone loves me.
Examples are:
- Comments about the cleanliness of the house but then says it’s banter when I react to it and claims I can’t have a laugh or take a joke.
- When I dish up food, he has made comments about “being on rations” when his portion isn’t as big as he would like it. He says this in jest but I know he means it deep down.
- Says I’m too sensitive, I take everything to heart, not everything is about me or the world doesn’t revolve around me (when I ask if I’ve annoyed him) I just always feel like I’m to blame for his behaviour.
- Says that I can’t take no for an answer when I question something and brings it back to my childhood. Says I was “spoilt” and never told no as a child. Claims I still have tantrums as an adult.
- Asks me why I go on about the same thing, when I bring up how I’m feeling/ about our relationship. Says that it’s boring and do I have nothing else to talk about.
- Jokes about saying that I’m broken goods as I’m adopted but passes it off as banter.
- Says I’m miserable to come home to, but it’s often cos I feel that I’m stuck in a rut and I tell him how I feel but never takes anything onboard.
- Says that he can do what he wants, and that I’m not in control of him when I ask him to get home at a reasonable time. He tells me he will be in by a certain time and never keep to it. Says that he rarely goes out so he can have a blow out now and then. I encourage him to go out and have a good time with mates, but all I ask for is a bit of respect to let me know when he’s going to be home and if he says a certain time, to actually get home for that time.
- Asks me why I haven’t left if the relationship is as bad as I make it out to be.
- Never ever compliments me, unless I say “do you think I look nice” or “does this look okay?”.
- When I ask for a photo of us he moans about it and says that he doesn’t like photos.
- Will never ever apologise for making me cry from insensitive comments. He says that he will apologise if he feels that he’s is the wrong. I can count on one hand when he’s actually apologised off his own back.
- Says that I’m difficult to live with because I blow hot and cold.
- Leaves all the weekend planning to me, anything I suggest he says is boring or we did it the weekend before. But then comes up with nothing himself.
- If I get emotional during an argument he says “stop feeling sorry for yourself”
- When I recall things that he has said in the past he says I twist his words.
If I speak to my friends about our relationship he questions why I’m doing that and says that I don’t tell the full story or I make him out the be the bad person, which I don’t. I try to give a view of both sides.
I am not perfect. In fact I am far from it. I retaliate and in the anger I’ve called him names. This comes from frustration of him promising to do better and nothing changing.
I feel everything is my fault. I feel that I’m responsible for everyone’s happiness, and I don’t feel he’s happy when he is making these comments. I apologise all the time, even when I’m not wrong. I do own when I am wrong and I admit it.
I feel really confused in my brain. I don’t know if I am the problem. I don’t know how to react to things anymore in fear of being told I’m overreacting or being too sensitive. I cannot be myself or express myself in fear of criticism.
On top of this, I am poorly at the moment with a long term illness which my partner has no sympathy.
Am I being too sensitive? Is it just banter?