Page 7 | To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

DelusionalBrilliance · 2023-12-16T18:53:52+00:00

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently? Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think. YANBU - I’ve never had one either YABU - I’ve had them / several

Orangeandgold · 17/12/2023 04:56

social media isn’t real life. As a millennial that was made to believe that you cannot live a fulfilling life without being on it. I hate social media - I consume it sometimes but I cannot bring myself to enjoy posting on it. I worked for a woman that ran her business without much exposure ( well if you are not big on social then it’s good old fashioned socialisng and some nepotism) and you can be just a successful or fulfilled. I’ve realised it more whereby I’m becoming friends with people with amazing profiles but stressful lives.

Second having a kid at 19 - realising that there will be moments in your life when you are reminded what’s important for you to focus on.

Tubs11 · 17/12/2023 05:26

I used to worry that dramatic, awful, out of the ordinary and highly unlikely things could happen. Dramatic, awful, out of the ordinary and highly unlikely things did happen and at the end of a very tough few years coping and processing it all I've come out the other side not worrying or thinking about such events at all. I very much live in the present moment now.

SmartiesAndFlakes · 17/12/2023 05:33

Realising that the reason why the other mothers at the school never included me in their socialising despite all my efforts was because I wasn’t white/English. The school was 95% white. I had always thought there was something wrong with me.

It happened 7 yrs into our 9 yrs at the school. We were in the hall waiting for the Christmas show to start and I saw that the black woman was sitting next to the Greek woman, the French mum next to the German one, and two Asian women together. They weren’t in my DCs’ years so hadn’t really spoken to them before.

Following that, I spoke to them and realised they had also suffered racism or xenophobia. It was such a relief to know it wasn’t me - I was so friendly to everyone but had thought I must be weird or something. But I wasn’t. I had lots of white friends at work, and could never understand why I didn’t at the school but now I knew.

It still made me sad to think that people were so narrow minded, but I became more confident after that. I stopped making an effort and the mothers never contacted me, but at least I wasn’t disappointed on a daily basis. I just can’t believe how naive I was and that racism hadn’t even occurred to me for 7 years of being excluded. What a fool.

Really freeing.

2mummies1baby · 17/12/2023 05:54

Holding my daughter when she was just a few hours old and realising she was it for me- I didn't want another child, I just wanted her. Until then I'd always wanted two or three children, so it surprised me, but I'm so happy with the decision I made in that moment.

seenisambol · 17/12/2023 06:01

Realising the power of calmly saying the line "I'm not going to be spoken to like that". If they keep going don't engage and just say it again: "nope, you're not going to speak to me like that". It's so disarming, it's like magic.

TheSandgroper · 17/12/2023 06:19

I was about 19 and working in a library. There was a problem with a book a man was trying to take out. I apologised etc and he said “I have just had a week managing the McDonald’s (or something) caravan at the Royal Show in our state and, today, nothing is going to upset me”.

I had never thought before that being upset about something or not could be a conscious decision but I have lived by that for 40 years. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not.

I have sometimes asked my friends when discussing something if they really want to be upset about something or not, ie a conscious decision. It can be useful.

AlwaysGinPlease · 17/12/2023 06:25

SmartiesAndFlakes · 17/12/2023 05:33

Realising that the reason why the other mothers at the school never included me in their socialising despite all my efforts was because I wasn’t white/English. The school was 95% white. I had always thought there was something wrong with me.

It happened 7 yrs into our 9 yrs at the school. We were in the hall waiting for the Christmas show to start and I saw that the black woman was sitting next to the Greek woman, the French mum next to the German one, and two Asian women together. They weren’t in my DCs’ years so hadn’t really spoken to them before.

Following that, I spoke to them and realised they had also suffered racism or xenophobia. It was such a relief to know it wasn’t me - I was so friendly to everyone but had thought I must be weird or something. But I wasn’t. I had lots of white friends at work, and could never understand why I didn’t at the school but now I knew.

It still made me sad to think that people were so narrow minded, but I became more confident after that. I stopped making an effort and the mothers never contacted me, but at least I wasn’t disappointed on a daily basis. I just can’t believe how naive I was and that racism hadn’t even occurred to me for 7 years of being excluded. What a fool.

Really freeing.

I'm really sorry that those awful women excluded you. You're better than all of them.

Heatherbell1978 · 17/12/2023 06:33

In my mid 40s and at that 'not giving a shit' stage about my appearance, clothes, the car I drive etc. Not that I don't make an effort, it's more that I honestly don't care anymore about the latest fashions, the brand of car, whether my home has the latest decor trend, holiday destination (typical mum chat at school). It's been quite liberating after years of being sucked into this stuff through media, friends etc.

Violinist64 · 17/12/2023 06:36

When l realised that even though l have always loved my career, I was overdoing things to the point of burnout. I took semi-retirement this summer and it has been the best decision l could have ever made.

5PurpleDinosaurs · 17/12/2023 06:39

I was 49 when I realised that people do not become healthy and fit without actually doing something about it. Healthy eating, drinking and regular exercise was never something i was brought up with.

I've not yet done anything about this, but am working on it.

Healthyalltheway · 17/12/2023 06:42

I don't know where I heard or read these anymore, but a few sayings come to mind

you are only as happy as your unhappiest child
not to worry if my child was having a tantrum etc in public, as parents with young children will understand, and those who don't have children or who have forgotten about that stage in life, their opinions don't matter.
when I was a bit down and sad about my divorce, I read something that said that the grief /saddness is about the loss of the life you thought you were going to have, not the loss of the person ( there was no way I was going to reconcile). So true, the future I had imagined was gone and that was the sad and scary thing.

Pinko1 · 17/12/2023 06:45

When my then partner was effing and blinding at me in a rage and I realised being with him was normalising that behaviour to our then baby and that she would grow up thinking it was ok for a man to treat her like that. Leaving him was then easy, I was done.

KimberleyClark · 17/12/2023 06:46

Realising that being unable to have children did not mean I had to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I could be happy regardless.

Anjo2011 · 17/12/2023 06:52

That I was always more invested in my friendships than my friends were and have been my whole life. Being available and present for them in times of need. This was not reciprocated by the majority. I read a quote that said ‘ give people as much energy as they give you’ it really struck a cord. I have stopped being the go to person, it’s exhausting. I have taken a massive step back in the last 18 months and feel much calmer for it.

thelonemommabear · 17/12/2023 06:56

My husband of a decade physically recoiled when I reached for his hand in public last year. I knew then our marriage was over.

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 17/12/2023 06:59

Mine is also something I read on MN and it definitely changed my life. It was 'envy is a useful emotion because it tells you what you want in your life'. I was going through a stage where i was really envious of other people (school parents etc) having wonderful exotic holidays and posting about it on social media. It seemed out of reach to me.

So I started setting aside money each month into a dedicated holiday account. I actively frittered away less so I could put money into it and since then I have taken my family to;

Lapland
5 star weekend in London
Paris
Cyprus
Greece
Jersey
Guernsey

Next year we will be going to Munich, Crete and hopefully Singapore.

I love our trips away. I am also a nicer person in that when people have lovely holidays I feel genuine pleasure for them rather than jealousy. It's been life changing for me. Also- my older DS has autism and learning difficulties and it has been hard often to get him outside of his comfort zone. But now he just has found his wings. He loves travelling and has become obsessed with learning languages. He is also fixated on the idea that he will live in Paris in a small apartment with lots of cats and we watch youtube videos about this which we both really love.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 17/12/2023 06:59

Nightowl1234 · 16/12/2023 21:50

Amazing. Good for you. But please tell me you also took the dog

Show quote history

Many flee DV without being able to take the dog, cat etc. What matters is the person's safety as they're more likely to be killed than the dog.

Glad @MarleyandMarleyWoooo could take her dog but those who don't mostly have no choice and shouldn't feel guilty for not doing so.

chaosmaker · 17/12/2023 07:06

I was about 23 and realised I didn't know anything.

Mikimoto · 17/12/2023 07:07

Thinking when v young "wouldn't it be amazing to live in....", and then realising it was just a question of getting up and doing it.

cerisepanther73 · 17/12/2023 07:18

Reading as many of these epiphanies moments on here,
as made me realise that i need to look up good relatable self help books and Podcasts out there,
even if its just one line that makes a difference resonates...

there's something about your epiphany i could relate,
thanks for just putting it on here too.

cerisepanther73 · 17/12/2023 07:22

@Treesandsheepeverywhere

This is why a charity was set up to temporary house domestic abuse victims pets dogs

I can't rember the name of it now sorry

Perhaps someone else on here will do

5PurpleDinosaurs · 17/12/2023 07:25

TheSandgroper · 17/12/2023 06:19

I was about 19 and working in a library. There was a problem with a book a man was trying to take out. I apologised etc and he said “I have just had a week managing the McDonald’s (or something) caravan at the Royal Show in our state and, today, nothing is going to upset me”.

I had never thought before that being upset about something or not could be a conscious decision but I have lived by that for 40 years. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not.

I have sometimes asked my friends when discussing something if they really want to be upset about something or not, ie a conscious decision. It can be useful.

I love this.

Sholkedabemus · 17/12/2023 07:27

When ex said it was a shame my children existed. I divorced him soon after that.

sunr111se · 17/12/2023 07:30

My ex started being horrible to my daughter. I was cooking dinner and overheard him in the next room, he made her cry. Things hadn't been good for a while, but that was my lightbulb moment. Straight in there, took his keys to my house and told him to leave

doublec · 17/12/2023 07:30

A cancer diagnosis, with the epiphany hitting while I was waiting to find out if the cancer had metastasised to my liver. (It hadn't, thankfully).

Since then, I have said yes to everything and when I'm well enough, I go out and make the most of my time. I've reconnected with old friends and ditched those who weren't my friends. Mostly though, it's made me fearless, more confident and given me a lust for life I've not had for decades.