To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

[DelusionalBrilliance]

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently?

Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think.

YANBU - I’ve never had one either
YABU - I’ve had them / several

I can't stop drinking.

10 years sober last month thanks to AA 🎉

Wow these resonate with me so much. Some of mine have been said but:

• Reading This Naked Mind and being sober two years. Realising alcohol destroys lives.
• Realising age 40 that this is it, one life only - as someone said above you don't get another go.
• Work is work and nobody gives a shit if I kill myself doing it. So I won't.
• Leaving the UK, leaving social media, not giving a shit about material things - because everyone else is only thinking of themselves and posting that rubbish for everyone else's benefit. It never brings happiness nor fulfillment, the quest just continues for the next in "thing".

Still working on this one but that my mother's happiness and mental health is not my responsibility and that she has to help herself. That I've been conditioned by her over my 41 years to keep her on an even keel, including ostracising my own partner because he didn't act how she wanted him to. I have a very small family (I'm an only child, my parents are both only children; there's just me (and partner and our DD), my parents, one grandparent and my Mum's cousin) left (partner's family don't integrate with mine.

I was recently diagnosed with bipolar type 2 (predominant low mood) and it's very clear my mother either also has bipolar, or has quite severe and long-term depression. She has been on medication but brought herself off them because she 'doesn't want to have to take medication'. She sees it as shameful. She also (although, paradoxically having crippling self confidence issues) likes to be the centre of attention and makes very sure that everyone knows she's 'got a lot to think about' when she's feeling low. As someone with bipolar (which I also believed to be depression for years) I know exactly how I feels when you're in a low mood, but I also know that there are things you can do to help yourself. She refuses to do any of these things (medication, exercise, socialising).

This is not my responsibility. I have never been the daughter she wanted (she once told me this, in what I now recognise as a bipolar episode). My own mental health has suffered greatly and I genuinely believe this has largely been down to constantly trying to manage her moods. I've hidden my own feelings, pandered to her and been a peace keeper for years. I refuse to do it forever.

Not taking any more abuse from the ex and finally leaving 23 years ago with my 4 then young children. Getting into recovery. I'm 21 years sober next March 2024.

Therapy has been on/off ongoing for the past 23 years. Major realisations along the way, starting with childhood, how f'd up it was.

Many others, I'm sure. These are the most significant and life changing

Also, realising that spending your whole life trying to make changes believing you'll be happy 'once you've achieved this' is pointless. That day will never come, and you're wasting the time in between. All you're doing is wishing your life away, waiting for a day in the future. Enjoy the life you have now, because you will never be as young as you are right now. Even now, just 1 second later you're older and will never get that second back. None of us know how many seconds we have, and the only thing certain in this world is that eventually the sand will run through.

FINALLY, that there is no such thing as normal, no matter what my mother would have you believe. You don't have to be the same as the person next to you. It doesn't matter if you stand out or people notice you. Normal doesn't exist; it's a societal construct to make anyone conform to some random person with authority's idea of how life should be. Rules are rules and laws are laws, but we are all individual and unique.

@PurpleCar02 ha- I realised a long time ago that some people would never be promoted because they are 'the reliable doers' keeping companies going at the practical daily level.
It became obvious some people were promoted kind of sideways because they actually were not very good at the nuts and bolts needed in the daily grind

So many.

If I’m not enjoying a book, I don’t have to finish it.

I’ve become old and invisible. That was hugely empowering. No-one gives a shiny shite what I’m wearing. I can say what I like. Marvellous.

The day I realised that I didn’t intend to stay married to someone who was drunk by 7pm every night. I left shortly afterwards. He then married a bar owner!

An invitation is not a summons.

@London81 it's called:

The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*k: The bestselling book everyone is talking about (A No Fcks Given Guide) https://amzn.eu/d/htE9H4J

It changed my life for sure!

This week I realised that I can have a shower and NOT wash my hair. I grew up being told I must wash my hair, and my autistic self struggles with the sheer amount of steps there are for a full shower. This week I had a shower, and didn’t wash my hair because there wasn’t a second towel in the hotel bathroom. And the world didn’t explode. My life is going to be so much better now. Anyone with autism and depression knows that personal hygiene can be so hard when you’re in the throes of a low.

This came to me in lockdown when I heard a psychologist discussing the massive increase in mental illness. She said it was because people " felt they couldn't control what was going to happen". I suddenly thought - but we can NEVER control what is going to happen!
It seems so obvious but was a revelation to me.
Life is random and chaotic so quit worrying and enjoy it as much as you can.

The second was years earlier when after a terrible life event I'd been seriously depressed. Each day that went by I didn't feel any better and then I suddenly thought - hey I'm wasting my life and I'll never get any of this time back! I made a massive effort to follow all the advice I'd received and take the meds and gradually it worked!

I got sent this message not long after my husband died… It made me have a re-think about how I felt and I sometimes revisit it and have a smile.
It made a difference to me.

@SantaExpress that is a lovely message. I'm in a similar position surviving. I willtry to embrace it.

Moving Queen:

https://laughingsquid.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Queen-Chess-Move.jpg

Can I ask about the binge eating disorder please? I have always struggled with binging and have to be on a permanent “diet” so as not to be obese

Depends where you live, it's just over 50 years since my uncle (North East of England) found a renegade tortoise when mowing grass verges for the council.

When I was 5 months pregnant and had COVID so couldn't leave the house (self isolation rules). I asked my partner if he could collect some medicine for me to stop me getting a life threatening blood clot and he said 'i was interrupting his day and stopping him from doing what he wanted to do'. I realised in that moment he doesn't love me and what a horrible person he is.

When I realised not to judge people by my own standards.

Oh mate. I aim for hair wash every third shower at most.

That putting yourself first isn’t selfish

Mine is telling people how you feel about them. Not assuming that they know they look nice, tell them. Not assuming they know that you're proud of how they achieved something they worked for, don't just say "congratulations ", acknowledge their hard work and tell them you are proud of them and pleased for their success. If you don't know what to say in an awkward situation, tell them. If you love someone, tell them.

The realisation that you can’t control other people’s actions; you only have control over what YOU do.

My sister died JUST before I was born. Years later, I overheard my mother tell a friend who had just lost her elder son, "It seems that God takes the best and brightest, and we just have to get on with what is left." I realized that I was "what is left," and it changed my feelings for my mother forever. The love was still there, but...the shine of it was gone.

Are you sure you didn't misinterpret her? First bit might just be one of those sacharine type comments some religious folk are prone to (ie god works in mysterious ways) and second bit might not be a reference to you, but rather what's left of life?
God's a bastard though - had that lightbulb moment years ago.

Very sure. My sister walked when she was 8 months old, talked in full sentences at 12 months, and read at 15 months. At 17 months, she was dead of meningitis of the bloodstream. She was also GORGEOUS. It was quite obvious. And her actions toward me, her "your sister did..." comments suddenly made sense.

Love this. Thank you for posting it. I'm also widowed. My 2nd husband passed away unexpectedly. I didn't think I could either.