Page 14 | To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

DelusionalBrilliance · 2023-12-16T18:53:52+00:00

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently? Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think. YANBU - I’ve never had one either YABU - I’ve had them / several

likingthistie · 17/12/2023 12:46

5128gap · 17/12/2023 12:41

That if you ignore all the negative messaging, the dire warnings of invisibility and irrelevance and ugliness, and the instructions to stay in the shadows (because you're invisible and irrelevant and ugly don't you know?) Being an older woman is fabulous.
Looked after properly with diet and excercise, a vintage face and body can be just as lovely, if not more so than your youthful one. You can be fun, energetic, attractive and engaging with a big dollop of wisdom thrown in.
Young people will not automatically despise and dismiss you. A lot of the things you experienced first hand are iconic to them and provided you own who you are with pride rather than try to be like them, they often think you're rather cool.

Thank you so much for this. I love it!

Lamelie · 17/12/2023 12:46

likingthistie · 17/12/2023 12:42

See people say stuff like this, my epiphany is the opposite.

Its is worrying about stuff that causes me to take action to stop said worrying thing from happening.

Its when I decided to ignore the worry and reasons it was based on, telling myself ' oh you are such a worrier, stop worrying' that my whole life turned to crap.

Listen to your worry and steward it well, is my motto.

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I’m a bit of both. Had a light bolt moment nearly 30 years ago when I’d been consumed for months over the pros and cons of a decision which in the end wasn’t my choice.
More recent lightbulb moment was that just because an eventual outcome might be out of my hands I couldn’t invest some energy into planning.

Coatscoatscoast · 17/12/2023 12:53

Last week I realised a Fiat Cinquecento is the same as a Fiat 500

romdowa · 17/12/2023 12:55

I realised that I didn't have to run about after my father and organise his life. Its great now that i don't have to battle with a grown man to manage his health, appointments and general admin. He made it so difficult that trying to juggle his life , my own and my families was killing me. So I put a stop to it and its like the world has been taken from my shoulders. Took me 17 years to have that moment of clarity but I'm no longer ruled by f.o.g

letmeeatinpeace · 17/12/2023 12:56

The realisation that although the idea of death is scary it's not a complete unknown as we've all 'experienced' it already - before we were born.

willWillSmithsmith · 17/12/2023 12:57

PinkShoelacesAndAPolkaDotVest · 17/12/2023 07:50

That I don’t have to finish a book I’m not enjoying. Life’s too short and there are many, many fantastic books out there waiting to be read.

Yes me too. It occurred to me one day that I really didn’t have to finish a book just because I’d started it. It somehow felt like a failure to do so until I realised there wasn’t a single person in the world expecting me to finish it (or caring).

onewednesdayindecember · 17/12/2023 13:00

I feel like I’ve had loads, but some that spring to mind are - when I‘d made a new group of friends and in our WhatsApp group one of them said she couldn’t meet up one day as she had chores to do. The flimsiness of this excuse was an epiphany for me, I realised I didn’t have to give a reason at all if I can’t make something and I hardly ever do now. No one minds.

I’ve had loads recently because I’m realising that me and other family members have most likely got adhd. This has lightbulb moments going off all over the place for me and has brought me a lot of closure about the past.

When I had my first child I realised how much control your primal brain has over what you feel like are your free thoughts. Then your conscious brain makes up stories to justify your feelings. For example I wasn’t able to breastfeed and I got post natal depression. A couple of years afterwards I heard that you can go into grief because your body tells your brain your baby has died. This made perfect sense to me. It made me realise the feelings often come before the thoughts, not the other way round. The thoughts aren’t necessarily true, it’s just your brain trying to justify why you feel a certain emotion.

Another one was when I left my first husband I realised how important it is to have faith in yourself. If you’ve got that you can do most things.

Smartfox · 17/12/2023 13:11

I lived a 5 min walk from my mother and as she became more elderly, infirm and demented and I retired I was helping more and more.
I had always planned to make a move when I retired to that cottage in the country but how could I now?
My mother, always independent previously, didn't want my help, was angry that she needed it and often unpleasant to me spoiling our previous good relationship. It became harder and harder.
One night, lying awake once again mulling it all over, I pictured a future where I had missed the boat. I had seen it happen to a friend, too late to move and start again and only those hard years to look back on.
I suddenly realised it was now or never. Any longer and my mother would be totally reliant on me. She would never appreciate what I was doing for her only ever resent that she needed my help and both of us would know that I was basically waiting for her to die.
So there and then I made the decision to move. I was satisfied that she could manage with 2 visits a week from me and I carefully chose the distance I was prepared to drive twice a week. So a compromise but worth it
A year on both she and I are managing and our relationship has improved enormously. The distance means there are boundaries in place on what I can do and I'm not just getting sucked in to more and more. I have a life of my own whilst still being a dutiful daughter

41quid · 17/12/2023 13:13

Coatscoatscoast · 17/12/2023 12:53

Last week I realised a Fiat Cinquecento is the same as a Fiat 500

I think the 500 is significantly shorter

HereForTheFreeLunch · 17/12/2023 13:19

IHS · 16/12/2023 20:09

Realising that I could buy new kitchen scissors. I struggled for years with my kitchen scissors as they got more and more blunt and then the plastic handle broke so that it painfully pinched my skin whenever I used them.

Never occured to me to buy new ones! I just accepted that they were crap and considered that I was just inherently unlucky to be saddled with such a rubbish implement.

Was walking through the kitchen utensil dept of Ikea one day and came across an entire box of scissors. It then occured to me, as if by magic, that I could buy some, which I did. I then returned home, threw the old scissors out and started using the nice new ones.

Why on earth hadn't I done it sooner? It just never occured to me that I even could 😂

I had the same for a vegetable peeler! 😂

Sandals12 · 17/12/2023 13:23

When I decided to become a teacher. Totally out of the blue thought....but I never changed my mind and applied the following year!

ZebraDanios · 17/12/2023 13:37

willWillSmithsmith · 17/12/2023 12:57

Yes me too. It occurred to me one day that I really didn’t have to finish a book just because I’d started it. It somehow felt like a failure to do so until I realised there wasn’t a single person in the world expecting me to finish it (or caring).

Show quote history

I think for a lot of people it isn’t the idea that anyone expects us to finish it, it’s the sunk cost fallacy - you feel as though if you don’t finish something you’ll have wasted the time you invested in getting this far, whereas really that’s far better than wasting even more time carrying on with it.

My DH cannot cope with not finishing a TV series he’s started, whereas if I’m not grabbed by the first few episodes I‘m done. It means I miss anything that’s a “slow burner” but I just don’t have the time or energy for it!

HarlequinsPants · 17/12/2023 13:44

Young people will not automatically despise and dismiss you. A lot of the things you experienced first hand are iconic to them and provided you own who you are with pride rather than try to be like them, they often think you're rather cool.

If you want a laugh, watch this:

https://www.facebook.com/thejeremyvine/videos/i-want-to-see-this-man-sit-on-a-bench-behind-everyones-tiktok/722376982680856/

I want to see this man sit on a bench behind everyone's TikTok | By The Jeremy Vine | Facebook

I want to see this man sit on a bench behind everyone's TikTok

https://www.facebook.com/thejeremyvine/videos/i-want-to-see-this-man-sit-on-a-bench-behind-everyones-tiktok/722376982680856

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 17/12/2023 13:45

Oh I thought of another one. In y6 I wasn't invited to audition for the Xmas play - the only one in the whole year of 3 classes. I thought the teacher responsible hated me. About 30 years later I realised that I was the best singer and they needed me to lead everyone else in the choir. But no one ever told 10 yo me that. Dicks.

Harrysmummy246 · 17/12/2023 13:47

I am not rubbish at job interviews, I just tried to shoehorn myself into a career I thought I should have and couldn't be convincing in them. I eventually realised that I should be a horticulturalist/ gardener/ perhaps even strike out on my own, and suddenly I excel in interviews.
Related, that to a boss/ company, you are probably completely expendable and replaceable. Don't wait for that to change- DH also in that at the moment and while I'm currently sticking with my role, the eye is open for change if it happens to come my way. And, if I feel like crap but they haven't got anyone else to sell the Christmas trees, well they'll find someone, it's not worth my health

Crikeyalmighty · 17/12/2023 13:47

@5128gap I agree with that . I'm 62 and my friends are mainly around 20 years younger- the only time I feel a bit 'different' is if they are talking about music and DJs of post 1995 onwards- I'm more of a supertramp /Floyd type of gal - I think they love the fact I've done loads of jobs, have been through the teenagers stage as well as baby stage , have been divorced and remarried and lived with a right cocklodger between- I've had jobs ranging from minimum wage to running a good business and everything in between!!

Hipnotised · 17/12/2023 13:49

ZekeZeke · 16/12/2023 19:53

Accepting I was an alcoholic and if I didn't stop drinking then I would lose DH, my children, my job ans probably die.
I'm sober 7 years.

👏👏

milkywinterdisorder · 17/12/2023 13:51

I read a little while back that it’s more important that your children are proud of you than that your parents are. It made me feel better about my parents being more proud of my brother than me, because my kids think I’m great but think he’s a bit of a knobhead. 😁

ButterBastardBeans · 17/12/2023 13:52

Shortly after my last parent died I realised that I didn't have to put up with my toxic sister so went NC with her. It was like standing in a pool of light after decades of her crap. Never regretted it.

Many years later, joined DH in agreeing we had no choice but to cut off his adult children from his first marriage. It nearly broke us but they were making our lives a living hell. They were stunned we did it. Again, no regrets. Our lives are full of happiness and peace as a result.

NonPlayerCharacter · 17/12/2023 13:54

ButterBastardBeans · 17/12/2023 13:52

Shortly after my last parent died I realised that I didn't have to put up with my toxic sister so went NC with her. It was like standing in a pool of light after decades of her crap. Never regretted it.

Many years later, joined DH in agreeing we had no choice but to cut off his adult children from his first marriage. It nearly broke us but they were making our lives a living hell. They were stunned we did it. Again, no regrets. Our lives are full of happiness and peace as a result.

I wish I could hear the other sides of this one.

Poorlymumma · 17/12/2023 13:54

I was raised Catholic and remember the moment I realised religion was all just a theory and not 100% fact. Don't know how old I was exactly but it was in the hall in primary school.

Evilcold · 17/12/2023 13:59

reallyfedup123 · 17/12/2023 12:13

@Evilcold have you got any tips? I’ve been thinking for several months I need to be more present and then I click on this thread and see your post! Please give me some tips.

It should be so easy, but gets difficult with stressful events. What works for us is putting phones away for hours at a time, movie nights, board games at a cafe, etc. Just listening or looking when they ask or show things. Not passing stress on, is a big issue. All easier on enough sleep. Couldn’t sleep last night and failing badly today.

Thanks @reallyfedup123 this gave me a nudge to get back to it. Will put my phone away and go and admire a Lego construction…

Vitriolinsanity · 17/12/2023 14:10

I recently had the startlingly clear realisation that a work colleague does not simply dislike me, but goes out of the way to undercut me to seniors whilst masking their own mistakes.

When I've looked at what they do objectively, it's really alarming. Previously I was always so wrong-footed it was too late to do anything that didn't look defensive.

So I began to fight back. Nothing dramatic, or mean, but absolutely no appeasing and get in quick before it's too late.

HarlequinsPants · 17/12/2023 14:11

@ButterBastardBeans

Many years later, joined DH in agreeing we had no choice but to cut off his adult children from his first marriage. It nearly broke us but they were making our lives a living hell. They were stunned we did

I'm stunned by this and I don't know anything about it. A father cutting off adult children (plural) is shocking. I mean I get that its possible for parent/child relations to be poor and founder but usually the parental drive towards the child means that if there is cutting off to be done, its done by the child.

But to be in that situation with more than one child is quite something.

Halifaxnights · 17/12/2023 14:22

I was failing to lose weight and was considering bariatric surgery. Suddenly I realised that my eating was not 'out of control', I was in total control of what I ate - I was the only person putting food into my mouth. I started intermittent fasting the next day and lost 5 stone within a year. Sadly it had taken me a very long time to reach that realisation!