To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

[DelusionalBrilliance]

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently?

Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think.

YANBU - I’ve never had one either
YABU - I’ve had them / several

Great post!

@catscalledbeanz did she ever enquire why or apologize?

Because I was forced into it for most of my teenage years. Huge well done for 21 years free!

Getting an adult diagnosis of autism, and realising that this was the reason I always got things wrong and no matter how hard I tried I'd never be any different. And it wasn't my fault and I'm not stupid, my brain just has different priorities.

Also realising that I could go low/no contact with family members who have treated me badly, and that preserving my own mental health is reason enough.

Yes. Quite something. It wasn't a decision taken lightly. We were stolen from and I am talking about a large sum of money. The other child believed the thief was right to do it because they would be inheriting the money anyway!!

This is the level of entitlement we are talking about. They have far better lifestyles than us in the first place. Their arrogance was breathtaking.

What I've learnt from lightbulb moments.

-To never assume (especially at work) that people know what you mean when you ask them to do something. It's best to model it first. I realised this as a new T.A when the class teacher pointed out to me that the paper trimmer could cut more than 1 sheet of paper at a time. I've experienced this myself when I assume I've communicated clearly and the other person does something completely different 😆

-To never ask a question if you don't want to know the answer.

-In relationships, the person who cares less always holds the power. 😐I think to my past relationship where I wasted so much energy trying to convince an uninterested ex to give it another try. I gave away all my power to him.

Realising in my 30s that, as an adult, I could do whatever I wanted to without asking permission from anyone or answer to anybody, or worry about what people thought! I desperately needed painkillers at 4.00 in the morning, but was waiting to go to the 24 hour garage till around 7.30 as it was a more respectable time! Actually dawned on me that I could go to the bloody garage anytime I wanted to!

@IHS regarding the scissors… I’m exactly the same! And with all kinds of things too… glad it’s not just me!

On a similar note, I give a book 30 pages of my time. If I'm not lost in it by then, I stop reading. It matters not if it's a bestseller or from someone I never heard of.

Wish I'd learned this before the thousands of books I grimly read, hoping for the end to come.

@ButterBastardBeans

Yes. Quite something. It wasn't a decision taken lightly. We were stolen from and I am talking about a large sum of money. The other child believed the thief was right to do it because they would be inheriting the money anyway!!

This is the level of entitlement we are talking about. They have far better lifestyles than us in the first place. Their arrogance was breathtaking.

🙁
😱

Wow.

My father has 'the 40 page test' for books and the 'ten minute test' for movies / tv. The only exception were for Schitts Creek that he swears needed a season (life is too short IMO) and Fisk on Netflix which he stuck to at my recommendation.

Two.
When I heard my exFil sneer at and be rude about his wife, his adult dc all laughing along with him. My blood ran cold as I realised why my exh was like he was and that I absolutely knew I could not stay married to him. 10 months later my divorce came through.
2nd time was actually much harder. I was in an abusive relationship. Could not see a way out. Prayed I would just die in the night. Afraid all the time. So, my bastard ex, stabbed my lovely ddog, saying "The time and attention you give that dog, you should give to me." I took my darling boy to the vet and had him PTS. As I was stroking his fur while the light went out of his eyes, a thought occured to me. I realised that one day it could be me laying somewhere, stabbed and the light going out of my eyes.
I walked out of the vets a different woman to the one who walked in. A seed of rebellion had been planted. I had never even dared to think of leaving or escaping.

Years later I am happily single with 2 cats, 2 Guinea pigs, a job, good friends and I can visit my family now. It is a quiet life but so peaceful.

That they were never going to support me about the abuse I suffered as a child. It was easier to believe the abuser, believe that I had lied.

it took years for me to accept that they just simply didn’t care about me. Painful but liberating- I could stop excusing their behaviour as confusion or fright- and just accept that they didn’t love me and that they were more concerned with ensuring their lives were not disturbed.

When I realised that the last few years had been a complete lie (I twigged the extent of the lies and gaslighting that XH had done). When I realised that I could try absolutely everything, kill myself working, keep an immaculate house, be Mary Poppins to our DC etc, in order to facilitate XH's recovery from brain injury and addiction (the brain injury wasn't the problem guys, it was the addictions that were), but unless he actually WANTED to recover and get on board with it, then there was fuck all I could do. When I realised that I didn't want this life for the DC or myself, and I didn't want to live in fear anymore. When I realised that the only person who could control what happened in my life was me, and that I didn't have to put up with XH's crap any more.

Five years ago I got these lightbulb moments. I gave him an ultimatum, and stuck with it. It's been peaceful since.

@2catsandhappy I think many women on here desparately wanting to meet someone and hooking themselves to idiots so as just to 'be with someone' need to bear in mind posts like yours-

What an utterly dreadful thing to happen- I don't think I would ever want to risk being with anyone after that experience. There really are some utter shitheads out there

I'm sorry you had to endure them too. I hope you escaped relatively unscathed and you've found some happiness now 💜.

A lot of mention of domestic abuse here (sadly) and it's the same for me - I think my most life changing epiphany moment was when I realised (and only really with thanks to mumsnet at the time because I had just started tentatively questioning my situation anonymously) that all the arguments and terrible situations I kept finding myself in with my exH where I was being triggered or attacked or whatever, were all being orchestrated deliberately by him - I was being continually set up for his own sabotaging/destabilising/controlling reasons. Up until that point, I thought we were just unlucky/or I'd done something wrong/or whatever I thought, I don't know. I'll never forget that veil drop, it was momentous. Learning not to react (which was further advice from mumsnet) and when I stopped reacting, watching his abuse escalate - realising that he was a textbook narcissist and that I had been played for years.

6 years free now! :D

@DelusionalBrilliance I want to thank you for this thread. It shows how many useful life lessons mumsnetters have to share. A lot of these posts are somewhat of an epiphany, of sorts, to me. Maybe not life-changing epiphanies, but they have helped me to see more clearly issues that I've struggled with throughout my life.
Thank you again!
I've never nominated a thread for classics, but the incredible knowledge that has been shared by pp is timeless and thought provoking... it needs to be preserved for all to read in the future.

@MNHQ I'd like to nominate @DelusionalBrilliance 's thread for classics, please....that way I won't have to keep taking a screenshot of every other post.

I also would like to thank the pp who have shared their life changing epiphanies with us...that is what Mumsnet is all about...Women( and some men, of course) giving of themselves to help others, etc

When DD1 went to school the mum guilt really kicked in. I dropped her off at breakfast club but only saw one or 2 mums there (drop and run rather than hanging around). On my one day off a week, there were groups of mums who were always there.

FF to a birthday party when I got chatting to mums I hadn't seen before- the penny dropped that of course I didn't see the other working mums, because they were working too! Mum guilt certainly eased a bit when I realised there were plenty of us doing the same juggling.

Ha, this one has only recently happened to me, I've been vaguely looking for a new job. I'm not all that bothered if I don't get one, but it would be nice to have more money

I applied and got an interview, I decided before I go to the interview, they had better sell it to me. I ain't moving jobs for no good reason. Haven't had the interview yet. Will report back.

Also and not so much a blinding revelation, more a growing up, coming to realise thing. The more able I am to look after myself the more independent I am, the better quality of friends and partners I get. It's as if ( you will laugh now) I have an aura of confidence in myself, and therefore only similar people are attracted to me, for friendships and lovers.

So back when I was a shy, wallflower teen and young adult, people took the piss as friends, as lovers they were gaslighty bastards and even sometimes violent. As I've grown up, had no choice but to do things by myself, I've become more confident in my abilities to either do it myself or buy in the help I needed. I wont stand for shit friends or lovers, but I appear to not meet such shit people anymore. It's weird, unless I weed them out somehow at the first meet?

Realising I don't have to say yes to every social occasion, people won't hate me for it. It was liberating and quite ridiculous that it took me til I was 40 to realise 🙃

will read rest of interesting looking thread when a mo.

But in the meantime, realising after years that if my ex (female - I am male) was angry for some reason it might not necessarily be my fault. It might have something to do with her. This lightbulb moment also has wider validity - particularly these days with many folk apparently all too keen to take offence/to feel insulted/to play the victim.

@hecameoutroaring

-In relationships, the person who cares less always holds the power. 😐I think to my past relationship where I wasted so much energy trying to convince an uninterested ex to give it another try. I gave away all my power to him.

I think this is the case in any negotiation, the person who claims to have no room for further manouevre has the power.

in truth have known for many many years (and well before example upsentence, but some lessons need to be relearned), but some folks' declared political views might have sod all to do with society and rather more to do with the needs (very possibly crippled) of their own ego. if you are reading this, person who was forever telling me about their anarcho syndicalism, take a bow/the podium.

It took 50+ years for me to realize that when I (aged 5) asked my Dad where the tortoise was, the tortoise hadn't "run away" like my Dad said it had.