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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The etiquette of accepting a parcel for a neighbour

119 replies

chickendinnerroasted · 16/12/2023 16:38

A delivery driver knocked at the door last night and asked if I'd accept a parcel for a neighbour about 4 doors down. Sure, no problem.

Around mid-afternoon today no one had knocked for it, so I went down to the neighbour's (who I've never met before) and said I'd taken in a parcel for him and handed it to him. He replied, 'Great, I was waiting for you to bring that over'.

As I went home, got me thinking about the etiquette of accepting parcels for neighbours. If you had a card pushed through your door to say a neighbour had your parcel, would you go round to get it? Or would you wait for the neighbour to bring it?

I just assume that if my neighbour has kindly taken in my parcel, it's my responsibility to go and get it! But apparently my neighbour thinks it's my responsibility to deliver it to him.

Such a minor, pointless issue really!! But it did make me wonder if there's some unspoken etiquette I'm not aware of? Grin

OP posts:
saraclara · 16/12/2023 17:02

If I get a notification, I go and collect. But twice I've ended up with my grumpy next door neighbour annoyed with me for not picking a parcel up, but the postman hadn't put a card through the door, so is no idea that it was there.

If I take a parcel in, I take it over as soon as I see that the neighbour is in.

Usernamesarenoteasy · 16/12/2023 17:03

I've had amazon email and say my package has been delivered to my letterbox. It was with a neighbour. No idea which one
I've had a card say my package was left with number 3. It was with number 13.
Sometimes no card or email!
If I know where it is, I would always go and collect it, but often there's no info.

FreshWinterMorning · 16/12/2023 17:03

And this is why I never, ever, ever, ever take packages in for anybody. I don't care how well I get on with any given neighbour. I will not take packages in. I will always help somebody in an emergency - give them a lift in an emergency if they need it etc, but I will not take packages in, nor do I expect people to do it for me.

I live in a nice area where people have got quite big gardens and plenty of safe spaces, like in the back garden, in woodstores, in the shed, in the garage, in the porch, blah, blah, blah, and it's easy enough to elect a safe space - or an Amazon locker in Morrisons or Sainsbury's or whatever.

There's no need to expect people to take your packages in for you. Not these days.

I've had too many experiences like this of people expecting me to take their packages around to them - and their package is sometimes sitting in my house for days on end! (As they're not in for the 4 or 5 times I've knocked on the door!)

I also had a bad experience of taking a package in (worth about £500,) for somebody, and I signed for it, and came to get it the next day ... (It was a new neighbour who moved into a private let near me.) I discovered about 2 weeks later, that had flatly denied to the retailer that they got it - and wanted their money back.

I then got somebody from the retailer knocking on my door wanting to know where it was! I could not prove I hadn't got it, as I signed for it! This was about 7-8 years ago, and it was the last time I ever took a package in for anybody. Luckily, I moved some 6-8 months after this, and didn't give anyone my new address. So that died a death thankfully.

Also, in the area I lived in about 13-14 years ago, there was a woman that lived a couple of doors away from me, who knew I was in all day because I worked from home. She used to pop a note on her door, saying 'try number 7 (me!) if there's no answer.' I used to get delivery drivers knocking the door two to five times a week, giving me packages when she was out - and also when she was in, but just couldn't be fucked to answer the door (or was in bed!)

THEN I had to go across to take it to her. Sometimes it would take 3 or 4 attempts to get her to answer the door, and she NEVER came to me for it. One time, the delivery driver said her music is so loud that he can't hear her knocking so will I take it in??? When that happened, I said 'well if YOU can't hear her, how am I meant to?' I wasn't standing there like a fucking mug knocking for ages til she heard me! FFS !!! After that I just stopped answering the door. (Only if I was expecting someone or something.)

Honestly with shit like this happening, it's no wonder some people on here don't like to answer the fucking door! Hmm

Anselma · 16/12/2023 17:05

I don't accept huge or heavy parcels and usually take them to neighbour when I notice they're home.

Most are out all day and get home late and might not want to disturb me, so I'd rather disturb them!
My parcels are never left with neighbours as I WFH, also have a designated safe place for when I'm out.

Seaglass7 · 16/12/2023 17:06

They should have collected!

I wouldn’t take any more parcels in for them either!

daffodilandtulip · 16/12/2023 17:06

My lazy neighbours never collect from me so I stopped accepting them. I was sick of being the street's drop off point.

My favourite was when one did come to collect it, and had a go at me for taking it from the postman, as it was none of my business 🤷🏼‍♀️

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 16/12/2023 17:09

skelter83 · 16/12/2023 16:40

I’ve had a parcel in my hall for a neighbour for the past 5 weeks. You’ve just reminded me it’s there… we’ve got used to it. I’m absolutely not taking it down to their house.

It's possible they don't know where it is.

We once had a parcel where the Amazon email said it had been delivered to our house, but we didn't have it and neither did the four houses either side, or the few across the road. I got a refund from Amazon.
About two weeks later a really pissed off woman from a house quite far down the street came and basically shoved it at me, really cross that we hadn't picked it up. She stormed off before I could explain that I'd checked about 10 houses for my parcel and did not know she had it!

Iwantmyoldnameback · 16/12/2023 17:09

We had a parcel in our hall for about 24 hours for next door, it wasn't like them not to collect so I knocked and they had no idea we had it. What's more their son had ordered it and they didn't know they were expecting anything.

Bunnyannesummers · 16/12/2023 17:09

I won’t take in parcels for the neighbours who don’t collect them from me.

Anselma · 16/12/2023 17:10

jemenfous37 · 16/12/2023 16:48

They should come to you. After a week, i f not collected, take it to their place and leave on doorstep.
You are not a courier service nor a parcel storage depot
Nor are you responsible for the package

I thought you were responsible for the package if you agreed to accept it.

RenoDakota · 16/12/2023 17:10

I still have someone else's new tyre in my garage from about two years ago. Left him a note, heard nothing, gave up.

StarlightLady · 16/12/2023 17:10

If he knew that you had it, the onus is on him and he was rude.

But, when considering the comments up thread, l had a parcel left with a neighbour, the courier left a card but put the wrong door number on it; l didn’t know where it was.

GigglemugsHere · 16/12/2023 17:10

I do normally wait for people to collect but I once took a neighbours parcel over, I saw her get home so dashed over with it. She seems quite annoyed and snapped ‘well I was going to come and get it, you didn’t need to bring it’.
I mean that’s fine and all, only I wanted to jump into the shower and then pour myself a large wine. I didn’t want to then answer the door in my pj’s with wet hair. I dropped it round for my benefit!

AhBiscuits · 16/12/2023 17:11

We do a mix of both. If I happen to see them come home I might pop round with it. Sometimes they'll knock. We each take in a similar number of parcels for the other and no one minds.

AnonnyMouseDave · 16/12/2023 17:11

IMHO it is the duty of the intended recipient to go around ASAP in civilised hours (eg at 6.30 when home from work) to collect the parcel, and to continue to try once or twice a day until they get it.

It is kind of the parcel taker to go around similarly (perhaps when they notice the car back) as a favour.

Either way a large thank you is essential.

If the delivery company cannot be bothered to tell the intended recipient where the parcel is then that is an issue for the vendor, delivery company and intended recipient to sort out, it's not the parcel takers job to deliver parcels.

niclw · 16/12/2023 17:13

I would expect the neighbour to collect it from me. However I have taken in parcels before for my next door neighbour and they haven't collected so I took it round. It turned out that they didn't even receive a card to say it had been delivered. They didn't know I had it.

Mumof2teens79 · 16/12/2023 17:17

You go and get it.
At a reasonable time if day but otherwise as soon as possible.

If I have taken a parcel but then gone out myself and think I have probably missed my neighbour I will take it round but I would never tell someone I was waiting for them to bring it to me.

Brandyginger · 16/12/2023 17:18

Person expecting a parcel should always make an effort to collect from neighbour asap. Exception is if note card from courier just says “left with neighbour”.

Ive stopped taking in parcels for neighbour after we ended up tripping over 24 bottles of her wine in our hallway for four days.

Okbyethen · 16/12/2023 17:18

If they want their parcel, they can come and get it! I'm not a delivery person.

Brandyginger · 16/12/2023 17:19

So, your neighbour was rude. I just would have said flat out “why didn’t you come and collect?”

topnoddy · 16/12/2023 17:19

Well at least you know now not to take in any more parcels for them

avemariiiiiaaaa · 16/12/2023 17:20

If a card has been posted through the recipients door they should try to collect it immediately when they get home and see the card(unless it's too late at night/early in the morning.

I would want my bloody parcel asap I wouldn't wait patiently for them to bring it to me!

Bertiesmum3 · 16/12/2023 17:21

I’ve not taken in any parcels for any of my neighbours since one reported that they never received a parcel when infact I gave it to them!
I used to take it to any neighbour who the parcel belonged to

leighh88 · 16/12/2023 17:21

Ive had a parcel sitting in my hall for at least 6 months 🤣

Tzimi · 16/12/2023 17:22

If it were me, I'd go round & get it!

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