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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone really struggle/take ages to learn to drive?

76 replies

marquislafayette · 16/12/2023 13:19

Just looking for opinions and maybe a bit of reassurance…

Ive recently started to learn to drive again. I’m early 30s. Tried a decade ago but struggled and gave up. This time I’ve opted for automatic which I prefer so so much.

Anyway I have been having regular lessons (2 hours most weeks) since September and also practice a bit between lessons in my own car with a family member.

I am still such a novice and still struggle with a lot of aspects of driving. Some things I have picked up and improved on so I am making progress but it is so slow. I have no idea why I struggle so much. Countless people I know had similar or less amount of lessons and were test-ready!

At this point I’m wondering if some people just don’t possess the skills to ever be a good driver. Driving would improve my life massively and I’m happy to keep going and trying… but I don’t want to continue trying if I’m just in the same position this time next year. Im feeling a bit down about it and disappointed in myself for being useless.
:(

any success stories? Or advice?

thanks

OP posts:
OneTC · 16/12/2023 13:20

Try a few different instructors until you really click with one.

Timeandtune · 16/12/2023 13:23

I passed on my 4th attempt. Tried twice in my teens and eventually passed late 20s with a female instructor. The added incentive was a company car.Also had hypnotherapy which I think helped. Have been driving now for over 30 years.

Spidey66 · 16/12/2023 13:23

Me!
im 57, tried learning in my 20s, couldn’t get my head round it and gave up. I’ve always lived in London so not a major inconvenience. However we’re planning to move to Somerset so I’m giving it another go. I’m learning on an automatic and although it’s still hard, it’s much easier than a manual. I always struggled with the clutch and gears. Would you consider an automatic? Yes it would narrow your options but once all cars are automatics manuals will become old hat.

Original poster
marquislafayette · 16/12/2023 13:26

@Spidey66 I am learning automatic :) Prefer it so much compared to manual! I can’t believe I ever attempted manual.

@OneTC I’m pretty happy with my instructor, he’s very patient and friendly and has a good track record for getting people through tests. Puts me at ease. Auto instructors are rare round here as well sadly.

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 16/12/2023 13:29

Don't give up! You've only had 3 months of recent regular lessons. You're doing great, stick at it. I think with driving because you see other people doing it every day, it looks easy for them, and it often is but only because they have been driving for years. It is for me now but I had a year's worth of lessons before being test ready. I was also a really nervous driver for a bit after passing. I think a lot of people give up lessons too early when actually they could do it with more practice. One of my friends recently passed her test after 18 months' worth of lessons, she was nervous too. Passing your test quicker doesn't make you a better driver. Funnily enough I had to go with my ds5 to a&e last night for a minor injury and on my way home at 2am I was thinking how glad I was to be able to drive because the whole trip would have been much more stressful otherwise!

GOODCAT · 16/12/2023 13:36

Don't give up I failed my test loads and took ages to learn, but passed my hgv first time.

I found eventually that practising in an empty car park was the most helpful. Also when I did my hgv they gave us a book which just set out what to do for each manoeuvre and I remember sitting on my bed pretending to do each one and almost learnt it by rote.

easilydistracted1 · 16/12/2023 13:38

I took 6 or 7 attempts because I used to panic so badly on tests. I was in a lot of accidents as a child so driving terrified plus I just wasn't naturally good at it. Took me years on and off. I finally passed when I went on a new route so had to focus on where to go rather than rehearsing in my head what I was going to fail on. I've been driving for years now including previous long commute and loads of time in the road when I was in a long distance relationship. I still don't love it but can't imagine not being able to drive. I persevered because I wouldn't be able to do my job without it but am so glad I did anyway

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 16/12/2023 13:40

I passed 7th time. I would consider myself an excellent driver. No points in the 28 years that I’ve had my license. My first instructor was useless, bad pass record, he was recommended to me. Moved on to a big name instructor and passed with him after a two year break from learning. I passed in a manual but drive an automatic now. Do much more relaxing to drive an auto.

Aprilx · 16/12/2023 13:43

It did not come naturally to me. Neither of my parents drove so car journeys were really few and far between and so I started out without even a general road awareness. I couldn’t afford lessons until I was about 22 and I finally passed my test when I was 25 so about three years overall, although I had breaks and I moved to London at one point and stopped lessons then.

I didn’t want lessons in London, so I finally passed by attending a four day intensive / residential course elsewhere in the country. This was my third driving test.

DappledThings · 16/12/2023 14:14

I did when I was young. I started at 19. By the time I was 21 I had 3 failed tests. Tried again about 26 but didn't get as far as a test then got distracted.

At 35 I tried again and passed with one minor. I definitely needed to be much older before I had the concentration.

Now 9 years later and I still love it.

PastorCarrBonarra · 16/12/2023 14:22

Yes. 7.5 months in total when I was 17, I passed third time. I’m a good driver now but I did not take to it at the outset. I felt quite low about struggling because my two best mates and my then-boyfriend found it easy and they all passed first time.

funinthesun19 · 16/12/2023 14:24

It took me 3 years from starting lessons to passing my test. I started as soon as I turned 17, and passed when I was 20. I passed 2nd time. It just takes some people a bit longer.

Plus I was busy with full time college/placement for my course and part time work. So I resented filling my spare time in with driving lessons as I wanted to do other things. As a result my lessons probably weren’t consistent enough and I also found it difficult to find headspace for it at the time too as I was already juggling so much. I got there though eventually. By the time I passed I was ready.

TitInATrance · 16/12/2023 14:29

I had hundreds of lessons before I learned to drive at 30, and many more at 36 when I actually passed my test. Total waste of money - hate driving, useless at it, never had a car.

funinthesun19 · 16/12/2023 14:31

Just to add too. I also had a lot of emotional problems going on back then too. My late teens were quite a horrendous time for me to be honest. So it really was difficult to find the enthusiasm for driving and I just saw it as an extra thing to worry about.

lightand · 16/12/2023 14:39

The DVLA says average of 45 hours needed before taking test.
Plus 20 hours private with mum/dad/whoever

I cant be bothered to work out how many hours you have had yet, but I dont think you are there yet.
Plus what is quoted is just an average.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 16/12/2023 15:12

If you fail 3 times in Switzerland they send you to a psychologist.

PumpkinPie2016 · 16/12/2023 15:29

I started learning when I turned 17 so very young, but it took a year for me to 'get it'. Passed 2nd time.

I didn't enjoy learning at all - just found it really hard and even when I passed, I didn't feel that confident. I would say it took 12 months after passing for it to properly click.

I was safe and actually quite competent but I just didnt enjoy driving at all.

20 years on, I'm so glad I persevered- I'd be so stuck without my car.

You'll get there eventually!

MereDintofPandiculation · 16/12/2023 15:38

Learnt at 17, 9 months before I passed third time. Stopped when I went to uni, got a friend to teach me again at 29. Drove with DH but found it difficult, he suggested an automatic and I’ve not looked back. Took some manual refresher lessons about 20 years later, but now just drive automatic.

Balloonhearts · 16/12/2023 15:42

I took over a year of weekly lessons in a manual, failed a bunch of tests due to nerves then decided to try in the instructors other car which was an auto, took a few lessons in it pre test and passed first time.

I think I'd probably pass if I attempted a manual test now as I never had any trouble switching back and forth between the 2 cars but honestly can't be bothered.

Mistlebough · 16/12/2023 15:48

If you are failing because you are nervous, it is really worth learning some deep relaxation exercises, breathing and CBT to help your thoughts stay positive and on what you are doing (not on what can go wrong).

If it’s just that you find it difficult keep going you will get there if you persevere.I passed fourth time when DH bought giant lorry mirrors for me as I kept saying I couldn’t see properly what was around me! (And about a thousand hours of practice)

Maybe your brain works differently to the people that pass at 17 after 5 lessons but it’s a skill that you can learn. After hundreds of roundabouts etc you will not dread manoeuvres but grow more confident.

Izit · 16/12/2023 15:50

Tried on manual in my 20s twice (two blocks of 10 lessons, about 7 years apart) and struggled in every way. Couldn’t get the knack of driving the car, terrified of traffic, just found it SO hard. Never dared take a test.

Tried again in my 30s on an automatic. Still found it hard and it took me 6 months of double lessons 2-3 times a week and cost £££…but I did it! Passed on my third attempt and was so shocked and elated I burst into tears when the instructor told me <embarrassing>.

It was just dogged persistence that got me through in the end. When I failed each test, I put in for another test each time and booked more lessons. And I used to look at all sorts of people driving and think ‘if they can do it, I can do it’.

KimberleyClark · 16/12/2023 15:50

Yes it took me years off and on and finally passed on my fifth go and fourth instructor - who was the first one who really got me. These days I drive an automatic and wouldn’t go back.

Mumsntfan1 · 16/12/2023 15:56

I tried to learn at 17 and failed the test 3 times. Tried again at 31 and passed 2nd time. Never became a good driver and last drove 15 years ago. Other family members have been driving for years and still aren't any good/only do local trips. I've given up and don't plan on driving again!

fingerguns · 16/12/2023 15:57

When practicing a bit, why not drive to visit friends or family that live a couple of hours away? I found big drives to be the most useful to help excel my skills. No motorways, but a mix of residential streets, B-roads and A-roads.

KombuchaKalling · 16/12/2023 15:58

Meee! Not sure which time l passed (7? 8?!) and not sure how many hours of driving lessons l had. To be fair l found out a bit afterwards l have dyspraxia so that’s probably why!