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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone really struggle/take ages to learn to drive?

76 replies

marquislafayette · 16/12/2023 13:19

Just looking for opinions and maybe a bit of reassurance…

Ive recently started to learn to drive again. I’m early 30s. Tried a decade ago but struggled and gave up. This time I’ve opted for automatic which I prefer so so much.

Anyway I have been having regular lessons (2 hours most weeks) since September and also practice a bit between lessons in my own car with a family member.

I am still such a novice and still struggle with a lot of aspects of driving. Some things I have picked up and improved on so I am making progress but it is so slow. I have no idea why I struggle so much. Countless people I know had similar or less amount of lessons and were test-ready!

At this point I’m wondering if some people just don’t possess the skills to ever be a good driver. Driving would improve my life massively and I’m happy to keep going and trying… but I don’t want to continue trying if I’m just in the same position this time next year. Im feeling a bit down about it and disappointed in myself for being useless.
:(

any success stories? Or advice?

thanks

OP posts:
CakeIsNotAvailable · 16/12/2023 16:03

I passed on my 5th attempt, after 2.5 years of fairly consistent lessons. I am a terrible driver - very nervous and with poor spatial awareness - and after 10 years of driving and 2 accidents I essentially gave up. I still have a driving licence and I'm insured on my husband's car but I don't have a car of my own and only drive in emergencies.

KimberleyClark · 16/12/2023 16:06

Part of the reason I took so long to pass was that I had no one to practice with - my dad had died when I was 17 and my mum was herself a reluctant and nervous driver who had learned quite late.

Bartlebum · 16/12/2023 16:08

Be gentle with yourself and take your time. I have four instructors and 100 paid for lessons before I passed. It all came quickly with the right instructor, so as long as you are happy and progressing with yours it will come. I am a really confident driver now, so it seems mad that it took so long to get here!

Scampuss · 16/12/2023 16:11

Yup. Hardest thing ever. Thought I'd never manage. Somehow passed first time though, no idea how. Love driving now.

juice92 · 16/12/2023 16:14

I tried to learn to drive on three different occasions, for a few months when I was 18, for the best part of 2 years in my early 20s and then in my late I decided I'd had enough of public transport and started automatic lessons. I ended up passing second time. I didn't take to driving either, and - despite the fact my third instructor was amazing - I HATED lessons.

Keep going I can remember a time when I honestly believed I would never drive , but I can remember at some point in my auto lessons, it just clicked and I knew I was going to get it. You can do it.

QueenMegan · 16/12/2023 16:29

My brother and sister did as they are very academic. I found it easy as I'm a bit more vacuous.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 16/12/2023 16:33

It sounds as if you’re making good progress. In this house getting as much time as possible behind the wheel was key to things coming together and confidence increasing. All of a sudden ds would be happy to come to the supermarket as long as he could drive there and back, he would drive to rugby, the gym etc. Many were only 15 minute trips but it really adds up.

Do you work well to deadlines? Would it help to pass your theory test so that you can book the practical test (there’s still waiting times of several months in lots of areas) and have a goal to be ready by?

ownedbymydog · 16/12/2023 16:44

I went the wrong way round a roundabout on my first test. A mini-roundabout, no less. The examiner was hysterical. Took me a year to try again…but I did pass, though I’m still not that keen on roundabouts 😆

Penguinsmum · 16/12/2023 16:49

Don't give up. You will feel so proud when you've passed. I had well over 100 lessons! Found it really difficult. But got there in the end!

IVFbeenverylucky · 16/12/2023 16:54

Piggy backing here a bit....I'm 41 and want to pass my test before going back to work from mat leave in May. I've had one 2 hour lesson a couple of weeks ago which I felt went well. I have 4 two hour lessons booked for early Jan. Don't have a theory test or practical test booked yet; learning on automatic; no access to practice car outside of lessons.
Assuming there were no problems booking the test (big assumption I know!), how realistic is passing by the end of April? How often/many lessons would I need from Jan to April?

Aquarius1234 · 16/12/2023 16:57

Over 2 years 2 different instructors.
50 odd lessons.
Passed 1st time.

BrendaMcPherson · 16/12/2023 16:59

I learnt to drive 30 years ago when I was 27. Neither parents drove and going in a car was a real treat so I had little experience of even being a passenger. I had 2 lessons every week for about 14 months and it took me a long time to master some of the manoeuvres. Reversing around a corner was hell on earth. However, I did pass first time although I'd obviously clocked up a lot of lessons. Keep going OP.

Utterbunkum · 16/12/2023 17:04

I do believe not everyone can drive. My brain just doesn't work in the way it needs to for driving.

I tried a few times, and felt that bankruptcy would occur before I had any hope of even taking the test, let alone passing it. My instructor gently basically told me in a roundabout way that some people couldn't be drivers and I was one of them. BUT I do think people like me are rare, and it is worth having an honest discussion with your instructor if you genuinely feel you are struggling to excess.

dressedforcomfort · 16/12/2023 17:06

Took me two years and 3 tests. I was so nervous I would feel physically sick before lessons. The only reason I persevered is because after about a year, I'd invested so much money in it I felt had to continue.

Can't imagine being without a car now....

HeraSyndulla · 16/12/2023 17:09

I grew up on my grandparent's farm and not only did my grandmother teach me how to milk by hand but also how to drive a Land Rover and a Massey Ferguson 135 tractor. My granddad said she was the better driver and had more patience - I miss them so much.

But even then, it took me two tries to pass my test. It's a busy thing to learn and takes confidence in traffic so don't give up. It really is a game-changer.

5foot5 · 16/12/2023 17:11

I took loads of lessons, probably around 50.

I started trying in my second year at Uni with an instructor another student recommended. I didn't realise it at first but I think this instructor was a bit dodgy, probably not even properly trained. Eventually he just disappeared and I later realised some of the things he taught me were just plain wrong!

I then went to another driving school who were better, but I seemed to have different instructors all the time so there was no continuity. By the end of the year I was nowhere near test standard.

For the following year I had a year out on a work placement and was living at home. I registered with a local driving school and for the first time started to be properly taught and make real progress. It still took me several months and two tests to get through the test.

That is not the end of the story though.

Although I passed my test at 21 I did not have a car or drive regularly. When I got my first job I didn't need to drive to get to work and when I met DH he had a car and didn't mind driving. Eventually I got so out of practice that just trying to move the car a short distance made me nervous.

Finally, when I was late 20s,I approached an instructor about refresher lessons. He was very reassuring and said this was a really common problem. He was confident it would take only four lessons, three on his car and one in our own, and I would be OK. He was right too, though it probably helped that almost as soon as I got driving again DH had to work away for several months do I had to drive myself.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 16/12/2023 17:11

@IVFbeenverylucky your instructor should be able to give you an idea how long the wait is to book a practical test in your area. As you can see from this thread, the amount of lessons and practice needed to get test ready varies massively. In our part of South Wales you’d have very little chance of getting theory and practical tests booked before then. If I was you I’d do the theory asap then book the practical for the first available date and look for earlier cancellations if you are ready sooner.

Pugdays · 16/12/2023 17:11

I passed on 5 th attempt
Was the hardest thing I've every done , alongside my degree ,and stopping my bulimia
But it turns out I have autism, dyslexia and ADHD ,so I think I was always going to struggle

Xmasbaby11 · 16/12/2023 17:14

It took me years and 5 tests over a long period. Once at 17 - then again at 21 - then finally at 28. I think my spatial awareness is poor and various other skills involved in driving that I'm just weak at and needed a lot of practice. I wasn't nervous, just not very competent and did not 'get't things. Better with a female instructor who I passed with eventually. I am 47 now, still have to concentrate when I drive and parking again takes me a while to do well. It just doesn't come naturally to some people. I am glad I persisted because it's given me and my family more opportunities. And it means I can give people lifts and repay all those who gave me lifts before I passed my test!

I'm not aware of any dyspraxia or other conditions.

BIossomtoes · 16/12/2023 17:15

It took me seven attempts and beta blockers to pass my test. My instructor said I was driving like someone who’d had their license for a couple of years by the time I passed. Three days after I passed I drove 100 miles on motorways, which was terrifying!

HelenFisksBrownSuit · 16/12/2023 17:29

I learnt as a teenager but never passed my test. Big mistake. By the time I had to try again (I was about to move to the countryside where a car is obligatory) I had become quite nervous. There was something about the test I found really oppressive, and I failed 5 times. I passed on the sixth. By then I was taking beta blockers for the nerves, and doing visualisations to help me.

I have since become a really good, confident driver. I just wish I had got it over with when I was young, mainly because it was a lot of money to spend on something that now feels so easy.

Wishing you luck - just be resolute. You will get there.

StellaAndCrow · 16/12/2023 17:38

Yes, I struggled, and I thought I would never be able to do it. There seemed to be so much to coordinate that it was beyond me to start with. I used to be amazed that some people could drive AND listen to the radio, or talk to their passengers! I had lessons on and off for three or four years I think, kept stopping and starting. Passed test on third attempt, still found driving difficult for first few months. It gradually got easier with time - I just needed a lot of practice! I'm fine now, several years on :)

TheCountIsPale · 16/12/2023 17:40

I took longer than most - seven tests… but I just had to get my head around it. Something clicked and I am now a confident and safe driver who can get any size vehicle easily around central London.

StellaAndCrow · 16/12/2023 17:47

OP, if I were you I'd stick with it; you probably just need a bit longer. And if you're going out with family/friends, consider whether they're helping or making you more stressed. There's such a lot of different skills involved in driving - they gradually become more automatic, and from what you have said, I believe that with a bit more time and practice you will get there. Good luck xx

ticketstickets · 16/12/2023 17:48

I passed after quite a few attempts (4 or 5) although I did pass on the first attempt in another country where they are much more lenient.

Still don't feel I am a natural driver. It took me a few years to do motorway driving. I never drive if there is someone else around who would rather do it.