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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone really struggle/take ages to learn to drive?

76 replies

marquislafayette · 16/12/2023 13:19

Just looking for opinions and maybe a bit of reassurance…

Ive recently started to learn to drive again. I’m early 30s. Tried a decade ago but struggled and gave up. This time I’ve opted for automatic which I prefer so so much.

Anyway I have been having regular lessons (2 hours most weeks) since September and also practice a bit between lessons in my own car with a family member.

I am still such a novice and still struggle with a lot of aspects of driving. Some things I have picked up and improved on so I am making progress but it is so slow. I have no idea why I struggle so much. Countless people I know had similar or less amount of lessons and were test-ready!

At this point I’m wondering if some people just don’t possess the skills to ever be a good driver. Driving would improve my life massively and I’m happy to keep going and trying… but I don’t want to continue trying if I’m just in the same position this time next year. Im feeling a bit down about it and disappointed in myself for being useless.
:(

any success stories? Or advice?

thanks

OP posts:
StellaAndCrow · 16/12/2023 17:50

And you don't need to compare yourself with others and how long they took - ("for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself") - there were two girls in my year who passed on their seventeenth birthday! And some people just learn skills involving coordination quicker than others. Keep going, it will start to click, and you'll be able to look back in a few years and be glad you carried on.

Thejewellershands · 16/12/2023 17:52

I know you've already got quite a lot of replies on this but just wanted to say I am also in my early 30s and I have been learning on and off for a couple of years. It is taking me such a long time.

At first I tried a manual, did 5 months with one instructor but then switched to a different instructor. Was with the new instructor for about a month but I just decided driving wasn't for me and left it.

Eventually decided to give it another go in an automatic. Love my instructor now but I have been having lessons for a year. I have my test booked for march but I still don't feel ready or good enough, still make mistakes on my lessons, still get ridiculously nervous for my lessons too. I dread them. At this point I want to pass just so that I can stop having lessons!

I want to give up again but I've put so much money into it that I don't want it to all be for nothing. If I don't pass my test I may just accept that driving isn't for me though.

I think for you it's actually still very early days. It's only been three months! Id definitely give it more time. Most of the people that I know have lessons for about 6-8 months before they take their test

Blueeyedmale · 16/12/2023 17:53

As someone who has been diagnosed with dyspraxia I really struggled with a manual especially the gears,I had so much more confidence with an automatic

JoyeuxNarwhal · 16/12/2023 17:53

Yes. Started at 17. Had lessons for a few months but didn't really get it (and also struggled with shit eyesight, but because I could read a number plate at the right distance I didn't think I needed glasses). My dsis had passed easily with the same instructor a few years earlier so it was kind of assumed I would too. I had a near miss at a roundabout and stopped learning for a while.

Went back to it probably 18 months later (new instructor as well as glasses!) and it just clicked. Lessons 3 times a week for 3 weeks.Passed first time a couple of months before I turned 20.

GerriKellman · 16/12/2023 17:53

I gave up in the end. I didn't think I'd be safe on the roads ever.

grannycake · 16/12/2023 17:54

I passed on my 4th attempt. Failed 3 times in my 30s. Gave up and bought a scooter. Drove scooter for the next 20 years and then I was knocked off by a driver turning in front of me. I was OK but bike written off. Decided to use insurance to pay for lessons- passed and am still driving now

DIYandEatCake · 16/12/2023 18:00

It took me 4 attempts (two aged 18, then two aged 27 - lived in London in between so no need to drive for those years). I’ve since discovered I’m autistic and some of the things I struggled with (listening to someone talking at me at the same time as trying to concentrate, following instructions that were vague etc) are probably linked to that. I wasn’t a very good driver with someone watching/judging me, but as soon as I passed my test and could drive alone it was soooo much easier, and I love driving now and am a good driver. The manoeuvres used to stress me out as my instructor had very specific instructions to follow (line the kerb up with this point on the window, turn the wheel 180 degrees, line up this other random thing) that I always forgot/fluffed up - once I’d passed my test and worked out my own way of doing it (basically just looking around to assess my position on the road and then imagining my car’s position from above) I felt so much more confident - I wish my instructor had tried different methods with me to see what stuck. Keep going - it’s an amazing sense of freedom when you can just drive wherever you want.

Greenbriar · 16/12/2023 18:08

Having never driven before, I took an intensive course when I was 42 and passed the first time.

I felt I wouldn't "get it" with lessons only once a week, so opted for an intensive course with the schedule below.

You need to find an instructor who understands you.

Did anyone really struggle/take ages to learn to drive?
sixthvestibule · 16/12/2023 18:11

I have been driving for close to 20 years but I still take refresher lessons every now and then to practise specific skills because my confidence is so poor. My driving instructor tells me there’s nothing wrong with my driving, but I can’t help feeling like an imposter on the road.

choccytime · 16/12/2023 18:14

I passed 4th time in an automatic . Dont give up its brilliant being able to drive , the freedom it gives you will change your life

Greenbriar · 16/12/2023 18:14

Adding that the driving school pre-booked my test on 5th Feb at the outset -- they said they were confident I'd be ready by then... it was a bit of pressure but worked out in the end. So it was essentially 2 months' worth of lessons.

AngeloMysterioso · 16/12/2023 18:15

All I would say is that one 2 hour lesson a week with the odd bit of practice probably isn’t enough. Can you afford two lessons? You’ll progress so much quicker.

SallyWD · 16/12/2023 18:25

I learnt at 35. Took me a year and 3 tests before I passed. I'm just not a natural driver. Driving doesn't come easily to me, like it does some people.
I'm now 49 and have to say I'm still not keen on driving! I don't like motorways for example. However, I'm so, so glad I can drive. It's hugely useful now I have kids. I can drive them to parties, social events, sports clubs etc. If their friends come round I can drop them home. I would hate to be dependent on my husband and other parents to drive my children around. Not being able to drive made me feel like a child. It's very liberating having that skill. Even if you're not a natural driver like me, it'll still give you a lot freedom (even if you only drive locally).

Sirian · 16/12/2023 18:32

It took me ten attempts to pass. Like everything else in life it comes down to money! I’m one of those people who needed more time to practise driving in order to get my head round it, but I could only afford 1hr lesson per week, and I couldn’t afford it every week. In the end I passed because I got a new boyfriend who owned a car and he was happy to insure me and take me out to practise for hours at a time. I did more driving with him in a week than I’d done with the instructor in 6 months.

cansu · 16/12/2023 18:33

It took me ages. I took 5 tests over a couple of years. You will get there.

Superscientist · 16/12/2023 18:35

I had about 60 lessons with my first instructor and I later learned that the company she is with aimed to get as many lessons out of a student as possible and just made be feel very unconfident. I did 5 tests with a different instructor over 2 summers just having lessons in the run up to tests. Examiners said I did really well but made silly mistakes. The first 4 tests were with the same guy and he wasn't good for my nerves. He was took nice and reassuring which just made me panic so much more than I was before he told me not to panic.

When I failed a 5th time with a different instructor I was ready to quit. I decided to restart lessons with a new instructor in my university town. I didn't really get on with him and I hated his car. The day before my test he told me there was no chance of me passing but I couldn't back out with losing the fee so I may as well see it is as a practice run for next time. On the day he said he would get me a chocolate bar if I passed. Well, I passed and he didn't have the chocolate bar. He promised to put it through my letter box but didn't. I went into that test vowing to never drive his car again. I am not sure if I would have continued driving if I had failed.

I am pretty confident driver now and am happy driving on motorways and strange cities and once in central London which is one driving experience I won't be repeating!

I think the fresh start of being in a different city made a difference for me. I think this would be thing I would recommend the most of you are struggling to pass.

HelenFisksBrownSuit · 16/12/2023 18:45

I passed my test in London so feel no fear anywhere (except Leeds). 😆

kezzykicks · 16/12/2023 18:49

Me! Just passed and in my 30s. I actually passed first time but I had a lot of instructors and stopped a few times before I clicked with one. I needed someone kind and patient as was quite nervous and felt a lot of instructors were very critical and unkind. I actually passed with 1 minor and the examiner said it was a lovely drive but it took the right instructor to build my confidence and transform me into a good driver. Good luck!

Moonandstars90 · 16/12/2023 18:49

I was exactly the same as you, started learning before university and really struggled on test so gave up. Mine was anxiety based. Came back to it aged 32 and passed first time in an auto, after multiple failed attempts in a manual when I was younger. It’s something I never believed would happen! My instructor was so much better than the one I had in my teens, much more chilled which helped me massively. I’m a really confident driver now, which is unbelievable if you saw me when I was learning!

try a few different instructors until you click with one. You’re not a failure, it’s one of the hardest things you’ll do and I know other people who struggled too. Keep going and I wish you all the best!

fantastick · 16/12/2023 18:58

It took me THIRTY years!! Araaaahhaa. Though I did stop trying for about 20 of those years as I lost all confidence.
I now love the freedom that driving gives me, so don't give up!

morningtoncrescent62 · 16/12/2023 19:07

I learned in my mid-30s and took ages. Passed on my second test after loads of lessons and practice. I never got confident about driving - I had a car for about 15 years, by which time my DDs were adults and didn't need ferrying about so I sold the car. I live in a big city with good buses and trams, and I'd much rather use those. The money I save in not running a car I can use for the occasional taxi for a difficult/late journey.

kalokagathos · 16/12/2023 19:28

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 16/12/2023 15:12

If you fail 3 times in Switzerland they send you to a psychologist.

Hahaha 🤣 Really?!

Escaperoom · 16/12/2023 22:52

I passed at the fifth attempt. Started learning at 18/19 and had two goes at test. First was just so nervous couldn't work the clutch properly as legs shaking! 2nd was better but not good enough obviously. Then gave up for a while and started again aged mid twenties and passed eventually after another three tests. Was still a nervous driver however and bought an automatic car as so much easier. Have now been driving for more than 40 years. I do think some people are just naturally better at it but doesn't mean those who struggle can't do it at all, you just need to take your time and you will get there in the end.

Catsmere · 16/12/2023 23:44

I learned in an automatic (manuals are hardly used in Australia, they're mostly limited to commercial vehicles now) when I was about 55. Took me well over a year and I just squeaked through on my test (I was terrified of speeding, an instant fail, and ended up driving too far under the limit). I was extremely nervous for a long time, because I'd never had anything to do with cars and disliked them. I had a good instructor, which makes such a difference.

You can do it, OP. It gives so much independence, especially considering the dire state of Britain's public transport these days.

Lannielou · 09/05/2024 20:16

My daughter is nearly 19, she has been learning since she was 17. She started off in an automatic then switched to learning in a manual. So basically started learning all over again.
She has also had months with no lessons as we were made homeless.
And has dyspraxia
But finally her practical test is booked. And she drives everywhere in her car. Every time we go out she drives. Still has a driving lesson with her instructor.
Not sure she will pass first time, mainly due to nerves.
But I am so, so proud of her