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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at siblings constantly inviting themselves round

59 replies

blueberry97 · 15/12/2023 18:47

My siblings will constantly invite themselves over to our house.

My sister just text us to say " we will come to yours for Christmas" and this has really annoyed me and DH as we have not long had a baby and want to spend it as a family with just us and the kids.

My siblings never invite us round and we have not even been invited to my sisters new house since she moved four years ago.

My sister posted some pics of a pre Christmas dinner she hosted for her friends and this has upset the both of us.

My DH wants both siblings to stop coming round now and to just meet at our parents house as he feels quite offended.

My DH wants to say something to them but I would rather just not say anything and just make excuses for when they invite themselves.

Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?

OP posts:
Ffsmakeitstop · 15/12/2023 18:50

Just message back. "Sorry we've already made plans". Who invites themselves anywhere never mind a week before the event? Although I do agree with your DH they are definitely out of order and it wouldn't hurt to tell them so.

Est1990 · 15/12/2023 18:56

You are being unreasonable that you can't have an honest and direct conversation with your siblings. I mean, they are your siblings not the CEO from your workplace 🤐

RandomMess · 15/12/2023 18:58

Surely you just say to your siblings that it's their turn to host?

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 15/12/2023 19:01

Glad your dh has backbone.. You have a dc and you are a real grown up. Remind your family you aren't a dc to be bossed around!!
Sorry sibling that doesn't work for us. Catch up at your place Boxing day though....

IncompleteSenten · 15/12/2023 19:03

You can always say no.

What are you afraid of?

OhComeOnFFS · 15/12/2023 19:03

Thank goodness your DH is on your side. Just say you're having a quiet Christmas this year - then hold your ground as they will try to make you change your mind.

MintJulia · 15/12/2023 19:05

YABU. You need to learn to say 'no'

Daleksatemyshed · 15/12/2023 19:05

I'd be messaging your Sister to remind her that guests are invited, they don't invite themselves Your DH has this right, you need to stand up for yourself Op

DuchessOfSausage · 15/12/2023 19:06

Your DH has a DW problem

Hatty65 · 15/12/2023 19:07

I agree with the others. Not unreasonable to feel like this.

Unreasonable not to simply text back saying, 'Sorry. We're not hosting. See you in the New Year'.

You could even add 'We'll pop round to yours for lunch New Year's Day...'😁

underneaththeash · 15/12/2023 19:09

Sorry we’re having a quiet one.
love to see you Boxing Day, but I think it’s your turn.

Snowfalling · 15/12/2023 19:11

Say no, we have plans for xmas already.

that's very entitled of them. I would not entertain it.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 15/12/2023 19:12

" we've made our plans"

Gymnopedie · 15/12/2023 19:13

They're not going to stop doing it if you never say anything and so they think you're fine with it.

You haven't invited them so there's no problem saying that doesn't work for you. You have a new baby in the mix, the perfect time to change the routine. But be prepared for them saying it's too short notice and putting pressure on you trying to make you feel guilty. Don't give in.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 15/12/2023 19:16

'Sorry, we're just going to have a quiet Christmas Day on our own this year and haven't got the energy to host with the baby. Why don't we come to yours on Boxing Day?'

Maybe she doesn't invite you because she assumes you'll just invite yourselves like she does?

2catsandhappy · 15/12/2023 19:17

Text back.
"Haha funny girl. See you in the New Year."

CherryShirt · 15/12/2023 19:35

It’s not on to invite themselves over, or to expect you to host all the time, but why are you annoyed that they had friends over?

Beautiful3 · 15/12/2023 19:43

You have to set your boundaries for your sake and tour husband's. It isn't on being used. I'd message, " Hi, sorry we're not hosting christmas this year. Just having a quiet one, as we have the baby." You have yo nip this in the bud.

tescocreditcard · 15/12/2023 19:46

You need to have a conversation. With them.

margotrose · 15/12/2023 19:47

I don't understand why you're letting them dictate to you Confused

Just say no!

stayathomer · 15/12/2023 19:50

They invite themselves ergo you don’t invite them so why are you waiting for them to invite you to theirs? They obviously just think because you are related it’s not a big deal so just invite yourself to theirs or tell them that’s not the way you operate. (Ps very jealous as I see my siblings once a year!!)

TomatoSandwiches · 15/12/2023 19:50

You need to tell her no, people have written out things you can text her although personally I'd phone and ask her who she thought she was cheeky cow.

Catza · 15/12/2023 22:50

Totally unreasonable to expect them to read your mind. Use your words, OP.
Also, has it ever occurred to you that this is their modus operandi so they are likely expecting you to message them when you decide to come over rather than send you an official invitation?

WhatNoUsername · 15/12/2023 23:07

"My siblings never invite us round and we have not even been invited to my sisters new house since she moved four years ago."

They are your siblings. Why are you waiting for an invite? That's weird and they obviously feel they can invite themselves over to yours?!!

Ktime · 15/12/2023 23:41

Yep, either say you already have plans or say ‘it’s your turn to host’. Be direct. The bolshy bird gets the worm.