To be annoyed at siblings constantly inviting themselves round

[blueberry97]

My siblings will constantly invite themselves over to our house.

My sister just text us to say " we will come to yours for Christmas" and this has really annoyed me and DH as we have not long had a baby and want to spend it as a family with just us and the kids.

My siblings never invite us round and we have not even been invited to my sisters new house since she moved four years ago.

My sister posted some pics of a pre Christmas dinner she hosted for her friends and this has upset the both of us.

My DH wants both siblings to stop coming round now and to just meet at our parents house as he feels quite offended.

My DH wants to say something to them but I would rather just not say anything and just make excuses for when they invite themselves.

Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?

Why be so passive aggressive? It will only compound the issue. Just tell her straight exactly how you feel and why.

I'd say sorry you will have to make alternative arrangements this year.
Stop being a pushover and speak up for yourself, you can't moan about it keep happening but do nothing about it. X

This.

I never understand why people can't just be honest with their siblings.

Your sister's text would get a "Er, no. We've already made our plans. Can we find a date between Christmas and new year? But we'll come to you as we've not even seen your house yet !!!"

I assumed this was going to be about them dropping in for a cuppa.
Inviting themselves for Christmas is a world away from that.
But, as is so often said on here 'Use your words'. This is your sister, not a new workmate you might feel you have to make a good impression on and be polite to.

Are you the younger sister OP? I am, and am only just managing to stand up to my sister in my 40s! They have to be trained out of bossing you around.

My beloved younger brother and I call each other - using our voices and phones - and say things like "We thought we'd come to see you on (date). Is that all right?"

If it's not, whoever would be host suggests another time. What is WRONG with younger adults these days?

JFC you're actually planning on allowing them to just come round after inviting themselves, despite the fact that you don't want them there. Ruining your entire Christmas. All because you're scared to say no?

And, you've come onto MN to ask 'approval' to do so....? 🤦‍♀️

“You’re going to be disappointed then. We’re not hosting it.”

She’s your sibling so just be honest and say no. Tell her that it’s her turn to host you and she’s being a cf.

My sister just text us to say " we will come to yours for Christmas"

She has just texted this? She's invited herself for Christmas Day on the 16 December??

"We're not hosting this year, but we'll see you sometime around new year maybe? When are you free, we can come to you?"

Your sister is obviously comfortable to text and invite herself round, whether you host or not isn't the issue, you sit there quite indignant that you have never been invited round in 4 years, but have you ever said, I'll pop in for a coffee??

Take a deep breathe, get your phone out, find the text from your DSis and type.

New baby, so we're keeping it cosy & quiet this Christmas. You're welcome to pop around on Christmas morning, but we won't be doing Christmas lunch. love Blueberry.

Put phone down. Give baby a cuddle and DH a kiss.

If you get push back - come back hard, eg as a brand new Mum, I thought my sister would have my back and invite me to hers for Christmas lunch, not invite herself and her family to mine. We will not be hosting Christmas.

Just tell them 'no'!
Then keep your door locked, and don't answer it if they are still rude enough to turn up.
Your husband is absolutely right.

Yanbu, however you should have put an end to this sooner.

My guess is since you’ve never said anything otherwise, your sister expects you to do as she does when it comes to your house with hers and just come by unannounced.

Go by hers unannounced and see what happens.

For this instance, just tell them no. It is your home with your DH and you don’t have to have people over if you don’t want, family or not.

I never understand why people don't just clearly communicate what they want or don't want to happen.

Sister "We will come to yours for Christmas"
OP "Sorry, that doesn't work for us, we've made other plans"

Then obviously she replies with something but you can suggest another time to meet. If she keeps pushing about Christmas Day say "As I've said, we've made other plans this year so we won't be able to host you on Christmas Day"

We had a version of this before last ny eve.
Sil to dh we're coming to yours on ny eve.
Dh no your not we're going out
Sil.we'll just turn up lol
Dh erm no we're going out.
This carried on for over two days until she got the message.

Weirdo

OP not come back ?

Just message back, "You're joking, right? I'm not hosting Christmas with the baby. Maybe we can pop over and see you on Boxing Day. " If she pushes back, just keep repeating, No we've planned a quiet Christmas this year. How about we see you Boxing Day?""

I called my sister to tell her that me and DH would be having a quiet one with the kids. this year.

I also mentioned that both my DH and me feel a certain way as we are the ones who are always hosting and are never invited around to her's or my brother's and we are getting fed up with them both inviting themselves around.

She put the phone down!

We dont even have DS address and as she lives 35 mins away.

DS and DB both invite people to there house and dont like unexpected visits unless its our parents.

Yesterday DS hosted a pre Christmas dinner with her friends so she would of invited them over and it upsets me and DH as we have hosted her and her family many times and she has never asked us once to come round.

Well done OP!
It sounds like your siblings are users.
Watch out for the start of moaning/emotional blackmail/ enlisting others like your parents to make you give in.

Think that shows you what she thinks about you standing up for yourself( well done!) and has probably messed up her carefully laid plans for Christmas at your expense, your effort and you having to clear up. I would be terribly hurt particularly by the pre Christmas friends gathering when you’ve never been invited. This is a pivotal moment . Hold firm x

She will calm down and realise she was being unreasonable. X

An OP with backbone who ACTUALLY tells the person they are out of order 👌 excellent update!

Well done on standing up for yourself!
Your sister is really out of order.

Good for you op, she was taking the piss thinking it's OK to put upon a new mother as well.
Hopefully she will be a grown up and apologise.

It's good that you've finally said something. She can mull it over and possibly see how unreasonable her behaviour has been. Meanwhile enjoy your Christmas!