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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much you spend on adult relatives at Christmas

90 replies

bor · 15/12/2023 15:14

I’ve done my parents a little stocking each, with several low-value items (a nice book, some warm socks, sweets they like). I have really struggled for ideas this year but don’t want this to look like a sad effort. Is it enough? I suppose I could also maybe put in a voucher for their favourite restaurant for them to enjoy together, or buy DM a voucher for the local spa to have a nice massage. They deserve the world and I can’t think of a main present idea! Both have said they think Christmas is over commercialised and would prefer to just spend time together which we are going to do.

I have no idea what’s normal these days with cost of living and what most other people do. We earn average incomes definitely not minted but not struggling either.

OP posts:
DancingDangerously · 15/12/2023 15:18

I think that sounds about right tbh, and I think you should take them at their word - that time spent with them is what they want and value. The older and wiser you get the less you want more stuff, even if it's not tat! Generally speaking, of course.

However if you want to treat them a little more, then the vouchers for each of them (favourite restaurant for Dad, but obviously that's for both of them together, really, and a spa treatment for your Mum) would make a lovely addition to pad it out a bit.

DancingDangerously · 15/12/2023 15:27

Or if you're not sure your mum would want to go to a spa, and if she likes flowers, you could gift her a monthly bunch of flowers - that will last through the whole year and would bring joy every time.

DustyLee123 · 15/12/2023 15:28

I do a hamper ( in a box) of nice food /drink. A bottle of wine from M&S as DM likes that, then some things she wouldn’t buy herself, like a glass bottle of peaches in alcohol, posh crisps etc. she loves it.

UsingChangeofName · 15/12/2023 15:28

There is no 'normal' I would have thought - it is about what is right for you and your family and your circumstances.

If it helps, we spend £15 - £20 on the few adults we still buy for. Mostly we have agreed not to get each other things.

Christmassss · 15/12/2023 15:30

I spend about £130 on my DH, £30 on my DM, £150 on each of my adult DC. That’s all the presents I buy.

Densol57 · 15/12/2023 15:31

I give my adult sons and their partners £50 each
No tat or stocking fillers
I do spend a lot on them throughout the year tho

MilkChocolateCookie · 15/12/2023 15:35

We do token gifts for adults - I've spent around £15 each on my Mum and Dad and other adult family members. (More on DH.)

FASDE1517 · 15/12/2023 15:36

That sounds lovely. We have a bigger budget of £75-80ish but that's for a Secret Santa for all the adults. We only buy one present each but it's a decent one.
The gift I bought this year is about £65 worth of something the receiver wanted plus a stocking (hand cream, lip balm, bath bomb, chocolate coins, biscuits, bauble, Xmas socks, mini spirit bottle etc )

5PurpleDinosaurs · 15/12/2023 15:38

I buy for my parents. About 25 pounds each. They are not big on Christmas. In previous years I gave bought for an aged aunt. Usually about the same. Fingerless turtle doves cashmere gloves went down a treat as she had arthritis.

MissyB1 · 15/12/2023 15:42

I buy my sister and her partner one of the M&S hamper things (usually spend about £40 - 50).

Beezknees · 15/12/2023 15:42

About £60 on my mum. Normally get her some gin, a voucher and something for her house. But she's literally the only adult relative I buy for, I'm NC with my dad and I'm an only child and I don't have a partner.

Bringbackspring · 15/12/2023 15:49

This year with the immediate family we have all agreed to only buy for children. I have never bought for extended family adults and since I turned 18 they have not bought for me.
In previous years, I usually spend approx. £40 each on my parents. Since becoming adults my siblings and I have not done gifts for each other. Very occasionally one of them will buy something small if it has some kind of specific meaning (like an in-joke). But there is no expectation to buy gifts and no one minds not getting one. None of us are big into 'things' and concentrate more on family days out.
My adult friend group also stopped doing our round of gifts several years back. There is literally nothing any of us needs so it just turned into an endless pile of scarves and candles! We just do a nice meal out each year.
I absolutely love Christmas, with all the food, socialising and everything looking really festive. But I have to say presents are the bit I enjoy the least (even receiving them) as it puts pressure on people, creates a lot of stress, costs a fortune, and creates a lot of unnecessary waste as people are bought things that are pointless or they just don't like.

Spaghettieis · 15/12/2023 15:50

I’ve spent about £100 on DH, £30 each on grandparents, £50 each on adult siblings, £50 each on my parents and £100 each on PILs which is more than usual but we wanted to get them a cooking class which it turns out are pretty pricy.

I haven’t got a ‘main’ present for my parents or sibling either, a collection of smaller things they’ll enjoy is absolutely fine IMO! What are your parents into? There are a few threads on here that are good for ideas.

Wellhellooooodear · 15/12/2023 15:53

50-100 but I don't really base it on cost, more what I think they would like. If I spend 100 on my mum I wouldn't feel the need to spend exactly the same on my dad.

WaitingForMojo · 15/12/2023 15:55

We don’t buy for adults in the family, and they don’t buy for us. I think normal for your family is what it is, if that’s what your family are happy with and want, it’s fine

JustFrustrated · 15/12/2023 15:58

DancingDangerously · 15/12/2023 15:27

Or if you're not sure your mum would want to go to a spa, and if she likes flowers, you could gift her a monthly bunch of flowers - that will last through the whole year and would bring joy every time.

Freddie's Flowers are fab for this.

Eekmystro · 15/12/2023 16:01

I spend £50 ish but that’s because I buy clothes for my mum and an activity for my dad. I would struggle to spend that on “things”’for them. I also hate getting given random tat and would prefer a small amount to well chosen things so I can imagine you parents are happy with what you get them considering their comments re commercialisation of Christmas.

ManateeFair · 15/12/2023 16:02

I don't think there is a 'normal' as whenever there are present threads on Mumsnet you see people who think it's tight if you spend less than £200 on an adult relative, and other people who think you must be a ghastly materialist thicko if you do anything than a Secret Santa arrangement where everyone gets one gift and it has to be second-hand or homemade with a budget of a fiver.

If you can't think of a 'main' present and you know they would appreciate a gift card for a nice meal or a spa or whatever, then I'm sure they'd be delighted with that.

With my own parents, the present-buying has just gradually shifted over the years - at one time, I was a skint adult and they would spend much more on me than I could afford to spend on them. Then eventually we got to a point where we probably spent the same, and then my dad had to go into a care home which means my mum hasn't got much money at all. I would actually prefer it if she bought me nothing, but she absolutely insists and won't take no for an answer, so I usually give her a suggestion of something in the £10-25 bracket. I spend about £120 on her, but I do also regularly send her books and things 'just because' throughout the year as well. This year I've got her a bottle of perfume, a book, some of her favourite retro sweets and some pretty notecards.

Lovelynames123 · 15/12/2023 16:08

My sister and I go in together for our parents and probably spend £50 each on each of them, so £200 total. I've spent about £50 on my sister, and then it's just kids gifts

jhy · 15/12/2023 19:41

I've spent around £50 on each adult except one (where it's more like £300 for a trip away)
£50 really is the new £20.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 15/12/2023 19:51

£25-£50 depending on what they want.

megletthesecond · 15/12/2023 19:54

£0. I have a tiny family. Mum won't let me buy them anything. She just says to donate to the food bank in their name.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/12/2023 19:56

£3-500 on my mum, nan, MIL as they have had years of really shit presents and being overlooked by people whilst doing lots of the work so I try to make it up for those years. I send them advent calendars and foodie bits before Christmas as well, I love spoiling them a bit.

Zanatdy · 15/12/2023 19:58

Around £70 on my mum (dad died now but I spent same on him), £50 ish brother, £40 nieces and nephews and then a few childhood friends £30-50 depending on agreed budgets. I have a lot of people to buy for and wish I could cut down. I also have 2 adult sons and 1 teen, spend around £300 on younger ones, £200 older one. Few god-daughters too!

Girasoli · 15/12/2023 19:58

This year we are getting all the other adults token chocolates and making a charity donation to UNICEF (mum suggested the charity donation idea).