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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much you spend on adult relatives at Christmas

90 replies

bor · 15/12/2023 15:14

I’ve done my parents a little stocking each, with several low-value items (a nice book, some warm socks, sweets they like). I have really struggled for ideas this year but don’t want this to look like a sad effort. Is it enough? I suppose I could also maybe put in a voucher for their favourite restaurant for them to enjoy together, or buy DM a voucher for the local spa to have a nice massage. They deserve the world and I can’t think of a main present idea! Both have said they think Christmas is over commercialised and would prefer to just spend time together which we are going to do.

I have no idea what’s normal these days with cost of living and what most other people do. We earn average incomes definitely not minted but not struggling either.

OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 16/12/2023 07:21

No one over 18 gets anything in our family.

Sparrow7 · 16/12/2023 07:27

I get all the adults (my parents, siblings and their partners) either booze or a book so so spend £8-£18 each. DH and I have always have a £10 limit on each other.

Pipsquiggle · 16/12/2023 07:28

Not spending anything on adults. We all have what we like /need

GuitarGeorgina · 16/12/2023 08:44

£30 max on my parents/MIL/one aged aunt

nothing on adults siblings - we all agreed to give presents to nieces/nephews only to stop the cost and waste spiralling out of control

KCSIE · 16/12/2023 08:52

I have no idea what’s normal these days with cost of living and what most other people do.

This grinds my gears! What does it matter what other people do? Are they the ones doing your Christmas shopping? Are other people buying the gifts for you? Do they know your family and your means? And equally - who cares what other people do!

And the cost of living is a moot point. Christmas is about celebrating life and being grateful. Spending time with family to do that is free. Giving gifts is nice but it's not the be all and end of or the raison d'etre of Christmas, and it's not keeping up with the Joneses either...

Create your own 'normal', even if every year is a different normal.

Happy Christmas 🎄

Wanttobeok · 16/12/2023 08:58

£100 on DH
£25 on my sibling
£20 on their partner
£80 ish on my mum

winewolfhowls · 16/12/2023 09:01

I spend about 150 on my parents each, same as spent on the kids, but this is partly a thank you for the childcare they do for nothing. We are not really present buyers or shoppers throughout the year as a family. The big item is always something they need replacing such as a coat or slippers. Never made up with any tat, lots of old favourite chocolates and biscuits.

Although, I think the lovely weird family traditions are more important than the gifts, and I'm conscious that my parents are getting to an age when next Christmas is never guaranteed.

winewolfhowls · 16/12/2023 09:02

Forgot to add DH and I spent about thirty to fifty on each other and we don't have any cousins or siblings to buy for

OwlWeiwei · 16/12/2023 09:07

I spend about £200 each on DH and DC. About £50 each on mum, sis and bro, and then send a family present like a bottle of champagne or a box of very nice chocolates to their families as token gifts for my adult nieces and nephews. I also buy my aunties a flowering plant or Christmas flowers every year. That's it.

Your stocking sounds lovely. That's what I would want - a book, nice socks, bath stuff. But if they want your time, give it. Maybe write a voucher for a Sunday lunch with you or a visit to a local attraction. If my adults DC did this I would be so happy as it means they are happy to spend time with me.

ChristmasGifting · 16/12/2023 09:11

I think it depends on your family and friends and what everyone’s expectations are. We usually spend £15-25 on adults on my side of the family, although this year I have treated my mum to something a little more expensive as a one off. Usually this comprises a couple of little things such as chutneys, a book, candles, pjs etc. or whatever has been asked for.

On my DP’s side, it is a very different dynamic so we do secret Santa for adults (eight of us in total) and the budget is £50 as we are buying fewer gifts. Everyone is hard to buy for and most would not appreciate little bits so it reduces waste as well as saving time searching for something they probably don’t even want!

Sometimes we set a £50 limit on gifts for each other, although we haven’t this year.

Nieces and nephews of all ages on both sides are £10-£20 as we have nine of them to buy for.

I find having clear expectations with everyone prior to gift giving is the simplest way to avoid disappointments on either side! Merry Christmas 🎄

Heyhoherewegoagain · 16/12/2023 09:13

Normally about £100/150 on my sister, but this years’s diffrent so about £250,
dh usually about £200, but this year we’re putting it towards holidays
adult kids usually about £300 each, but dd has had a big relationship breakup this year so is getting a bit spoiled so about £500.
Adult niece about £100

No parents left and no grandchildren

Would love if we had a bigger family, the total budget would be the same, it would just get spread a bit further

TeamGeriatric · 16/12/2023 09:15

I spend about £100 on my Mum, usually I buy a diary, chocolates and then something like theatre tickets. My Mum is spending £200 on the 4 of us, so it only seems fair. I usually spend about £200 on my husband, but it does vary a bit. I usually spend about £20-30 on my sister, she's the only other adult I buy for.

Footprintsinthesand · 16/12/2023 09:24

About £20-30 each for MIL and FIL

£5 each for DH's siblings and their partners - this is agreed between us and is a fun challenge to get something decent. Wine and chocolates are forbidden.

£20- £30 each for DB and SIL

A tin of biscuits and photo calendar of the kids for my great aunt (she's 90 with dementia so no idea what else to get her).

£30 on DH's aunt and uncle - doing them a hamper

DH and I spend around £100 on each other.

I spend about £70-£80 on my DM because other than my brother she has no one else to buy for her. Got theatre tickets for the two of us and some stocking fillers.

gerteddy · 16/12/2023 09:42

I've spent £120ish on DH. Mum and dad £80-90 each. Siblings £45-£60 each. A few other adults I buy smaller gifts for like aunties, it's about £10-£20. Often a Yankee candle or similar sometimes chocs and booze.

Dramatic · 16/12/2023 09:44

I have a very small family (parents, sister, one aunt) I spend about £25 each on my parents and sister and about £10 on my aunt.

adultchildofalcoholicparents · 16/12/2023 09:45

Nothing. We've done this for decades. It's very liberating.

arewedoneyet · 16/12/2023 09:47

I think it's a bit sad when people can afford to spend hundreds on partners and adult children that their parents get under £50.

IndigoLaFaye · 16/12/2023 09:55

I think I’m a bit of an outlier here. I spend about £300 on mum (dad isn’t with us anymore). I think I over compensate because my brothers are estranged from her. I spend £30-60 on the brother I see. £30-50 on my nieces (both under 18 but not really children). £30-60 on friends.

Borris · 16/12/2023 09:58

I've spent £90 on my mum but it's an experience gift that me and dd will benefit from too.

My dad is not fussed so iI tend to buy him a little token gift £5-10 and he's happy with that.

My sister and I exchange a nice bauble for our trees so £5-10 and that is all the adults that I buy for

BarbedButterfly · 16/12/2023 10:05

We normally spend about £100 each on parents but have spent a bit more this year as we got a special present as thanks for all they've done. About £50 on siblings and have spent near £100 on my partner's sister as she's still young and we kept finding things she'll love.

We do spend a lot but we don't go into debt and as I said, family have done a lot for us this year so we're spoiling them a bit.

trader21c · 16/12/2023 10:45

Around £15 for sisters - nothing for their partners (change this year), £25 on my mum, £15 on young nephew - nothing on the adult ones, scaling back this year - not sure about DD yet

Sartre · 16/12/2023 10:50

No more than £20 each usually. I’m an English Lit lecturer trying to keep certain books alive so I often foist them off on relatives in the hope they’ll spread the word.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 16/12/2023 11:30

Probably spend £100-£150 on my mum. Family bereavements mean there's not many of us left in our family, and with my dad gone, I like to treat her because no-one else does.

Spend around £50 on FIL, as circumstances are very different. Mostly buy for children apart from those. DH and I spend a bit on each other, maybe around £300-£400, but we're fortunate to have a good income, and don't tend to get gifts from others, except my mum and FIL.

Spacemoon · 16/12/2023 11:36

Only adults we buy for are our parents, as stopped doing siblings, friend etc a while back. We usually spend approx £60 per couple if a joint prezzie or about £25-30 if individual prezzie. This year, we have had a lot of help from the in-laws, so have bought them an extra present (A 2 night break away) for in the new year to say thank you for everything - but are keeping this separate from Xmas (will give it to them new year's eve).

I think your presents sound lovely. I would love a stocking full of all the little things I like.

Christmassss · 16/12/2023 12:30

I think it's a bit sad when people can afford to spend hundreds on partners and adult children that their parents get under £50

Why? My DM lives in a nursing home, she has no room for a lot of stuff and is like an excited small DC who is happy with the sparkly paper, a bow and something like perfume or a scarf. I could literally wrap up anything ‘girlie’ and she would be over the moon.
My DM has not bought for me for years but obviously I still buy for her, surely it’s all swings and roundabouts?
My DC will probably spend a lot more on their DC when they have them and buy me a small present even when their DC are adults if I am still around.

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