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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to just want it to be so special. 38 weeks.

86 replies

Justanightmaretobearound · 14/12/2023 23:00

I’m 38 weeks pregnant with a much longed for baby, I’ve waited 6 years!

I feel so ungrateful and rubbish as the day I announced my sister announced too, she’s 2 weeks behind but due to circumstances we found out we’d both be induced on the same day.

I don’t know why but since finding this out I feel so sad and tearful. I can’t even rationalize what it is that upsets me so I guess I probably am unreasonable.

I can’t stop cleaning the house, morning and night full on scrubbing the bathrooms, floors, polishing. I can’t relax at all.

I said to my DH tonight I’m struggling and he said he’s not dealing with this and has gone to bed. I just wanted to talk to someone.

I am so obsessed with this perfect experience of having a new baby that I can’t relax or let anything slip in fear of it being less than perfectly special.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 15/12/2023 08:23

You need let go of 'perfect' it won't be perfect it never is. It will be wonderful and full of love once baby is in your arms.
And psychotic cleaning is totally normal part of nesting :)

chocomoccalocca · 15/12/2023 08:40

I had a couple of friends who had sisters have babies close to them, one had struggled to conceive and the other hadn't. Both found it hard, I think it's perfectly normal as you want your baby to be the most important thing to everyone for a while and also to know family will be around if you need them. Don't beat yourself up it's fine, for both my friends it's ended up being great as the cousins have such a lovely relationship. It's ok to find it hard but I promise once your baby arrives it will get easier.

Cla43 · 15/12/2023 08:45

You won’t necessarily deliver on the same day as inductions can take several days. You could possibly as for the induction date to be changed depending on the reason for the induction?

Nevermind31 · 15/12/2023 08:47

Please - try adjusting your expectations- rarely is anything perfect about another human being, your baby included.
take it as it comes, it will be enjoyable, tiring, frustrating, unlike anything else you’ve ever experienced . With a lot of worry thrown in.
it’s not a competition, just two babies being born.
expecting perfect is setting you up for disappointment.
all the best and congratulations

Desecratedcoconut · 15/12/2023 08:52

You are on to a post partum hiding if your good enough bar is set to perfect, op. Please take care of yourself and make some space for things to be imperfect and still lovely.

DyslexicPoster · 15/12/2023 08:53

Good luck with your induction

TheWetBandits · 15/12/2023 08:54

Really good luck today OP

I would just echo others advice about letting go of the idea of a 'perfect experience'. I had a birth plan for my first and had lovely ideas of what it would be like. It was nothing like that. Inductions can take a long time and require some interventions as mine did. It upset me for a long time that I didn't have a wonderful experience

With my second I just focused on bringing my beautiful baby home in whatever way I could. It was such a more relaxed experience not being caught up in how he arrived but simply that he had.

I wish you well today and the next few and congratulations on your soon to be arrival x

Kendodd · 15/12/2023 09:23

TheWetBandits · 15/12/2023 08:54

Really good luck today OP

I would just echo others advice about letting go of the idea of a 'perfect experience'. I had a birth plan for my first and had lovely ideas of what it would be like. It was nothing like that. Inductions can take a long time and require some interventions as mine did. It upset me for a long time that I didn't have a wonderful experience

With my second I just focused on bringing my beautiful baby home in whatever way I could. It was such a more relaxed experience not being caught up in how he arrived but simply that he had.

I wish you well today and the next few and congratulations on your soon to be arrival x

Isn't it bad that you went into your first birth expecting it to be a perfect beautiful experience. Not a go at you btw, you were sold a lie about what birth is like by TV magazines and NCT. And then women blame themselves when it doesn't go to plan. I don't think I've ever seen a birth on TV were the mother shits everywhere (not uncommon) during the process.

Anyway, best of luck today OP, please come back and update us .

Mulhollandmagoo · 15/12/2023 09:33

Oh, and I just wanted to add (and I desperately hope oyu see this) I had to be induced, and I had a super positive experience, induced around 8:30 - contractions started shortly after, my daughter was born just after 3pm that afternoon.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 15/12/2023 09:43

I think you need to reframe it.

Its not about you and you being the centre of attention because you are having a baby. It's about your excitement of meeting your little person and that will be special to YOU.

See things through your own eyes and not yourself through the lens of others and you'll feel better.

I get it. I do. But when you have your baby you'll see the beauty in your own experience and your own love story with your baby. It shifts your focus.

Enjoy your nesting, dont see it as stress cleaning.

And in the nicest way, you're probably upsetting your husband as your moaning about not being the centre of attention is ruining his excitement out the baby.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 15/12/2023 09:47

And things not being as you expect is part of the joy if motherhood. Roll with it.

What you are experiencing is the first reality of being a mum. It's never what you thought was perfect and that's the beauty of it.

Meet your sister for coffee, talk babies and pregnancy. See the imperfect beauty of being on the rollercoaster together. She is pregnant with your niece or nephew and it will be so exciting to meet them and do baby chats and playground trips together. It's perfect because it's not.

Rocknrollstar · 15/12/2023 09:59

Just think, the babies can grow up together and be friends. Hope it all went well.

Groovee · 15/12/2023 10:07

Hoping your induction goes well. At 38 weeks pregnant with my Ds, I spent the time crying. Other mums at playgroup were just lovely as they reassured me it was hormones. He was born a week later and I look back thinking What was I on.

My friend had a baby just after I had Dd. Our girls are still the best of friends at nearly 24.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/12/2023 10:15

I think you are really lucky to have a close family member have a baby at the same time as you: my SiL and another friend who had babies at the same time as me were such a support! Being able to hang out with people who are going through the same things as you makes such a difference to those early weeks and months ( and years!)
Enjoy your baby, and I hope the birth goes well!

OllyBJolly · 15/12/2023 10:35

I gave birth on the same day as my sister - spookily at the same time! Different countries, though. It's wonderful that the cousins have the same birthday.

A birth is special no matter who shares it (or how clean your house is!). Hope it all goes smoothly for you

Whiskeypowers · 15/12/2023 10:48

OllyBJolly · 15/12/2023 10:35

I gave birth on the same day as my sister - spookily at the same time! Different countries, though. It's wonderful that the cousins have the same birthday.

A birth is special no matter who shares it (or how clean your house is!). Hope it all goes smoothly for you

That’s amazing!
@Justanightmaretobearound Hope the induction goes well and you are holding your much longed for baby soon.

MondayBags678 · 15/12/2023 12:34

Aww definitely hormones I felt similar too much time alone waiting!! You’ll soon be too busy and this will all be forgotten! Hormones make no sense at times! Be aware induction can be long waits and times so you don’t know who will end up being first and it really doesn’t matter if you’re sister is before you and the cousins will be close in age and birthdays and it might make you all super close and have great relationships try focusing on all the positives an I know it doesn’t do me any good if I don’t do that!
good luck and please let us all know how it goes! It’s so exciting and lovely that your babies will be here before Xmas!! Imagine if they just let you go to due dates and all over Xmas you’re wondering and anxious about when they might arrive! I had this once!! It ruined my Xmas as couldn’t plan anything and in the end she was sooo late I had new years baby!!! X

LSTMS30555 · 15/12/2023 12:46

Induced on the same day doesn't mean you'll both go into Labour the same day; I was induced on a Friday but didn't give birth till the Saturday (unless you're both having C-sections?) and the scrubbing things is completely normal (nesting) most FTM have it in the last few weeks of pregnancy.
You'll be feeling really emotional as your hormones are all over the place.

Goatymum · 15/12/2023 12:54

No pregnancy or birth is perfect. Anything can happen in terms of experience esp with induction. You need to manage expectations, and I’m saying that in the nicest way. I beat myself up after ending up w an emergency c/s after induction but in the end we were both fine and that was the main thing (that baby is a young adult now).
And it’s so nice first cousins will grow up together too!

elliejjtiny · 15/12/2023 13:08

Good luck with the induction. I have 5 dc, 2 born 5+ years before the other babies in the family, 1 born 2 years before and the younger 2 in the middle. My older 2 were the centre of attention when they were babies but they don't remember that and now it's my younger ones who definitely have the advantage with lots of cousins to play with.

Blueuggboots · 15/12/2023 13:15

I'm going to be controversial- Having a new baby is unlikely to be a perfect experience. Babies are really hard work and you need to adjust your expectations otherwise you're likely to be very very disappointed.

Urgh2302 · 15/12/2023 13:19

Good luck with induction, OP x

Kendodd · 16/12/2023 23:09

Any news op?

Original poster
Justanightmaretobearound · 24/12/2023 19:04

You were all right. You can’t force perfect and I utterly jynxed it with an emergency section but baby is here safe and well. Thanks for your support. X

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 24/12/2023 19:07

Congratulations !

Was baby born on due date ?
When was the other baby born ?

I hope both new Mums are doing well

Are you willing to say what you had ? and what the other baby is ?