Aibu to just want it to be so special. 38 weeks.

[Justanightmaretobearound]

I’m 38 weeks pregnant with a much longed for baby, I’ve waited 6 years!

I feel so ungrateful and rubbish as the day I announced my sister announced too, she’s 2 weeks behind but due to circumstances we found out we’d both be induced on the same day.

I don’t know why but since finding this out I feel so sad and tearful. I can’t even rationalize what it is that upsets me so I guess I probably am unreasonable.

I can’t stop cleaning the house, morning and night full on scrubbing the bathrooms, floors, polishing. I can’t relax at all.

I said to my DH tonight I’m struggling and he said he’s not dealing with this and has gone to bed. I just wanted to talk to someone.

I am so obsessed with this perfect experience of having a new baby that I can’t relax or let anything slip in fear of it being less than perfectly special.

Your DH sounds like a bit of a shit. I hope he is more supportive when you are induced. You have spent 9 months growing a child and rather than talk to you sulks off to bed.

My dd is best friends with her first cousin.. it's priceless and you're so fortunate to have that lovely setup. Good luck x

Forget perfection OP. There is no perfect birth. Hope for the best and if you have a healthy baby soon (by whatever way birth goes) this is enough.

And comparison is the thief of joy. It doesn't matter if you have 20 sisters all having a baby too or no sisters. Your baby is the most important thing for you and nothing changes that.

Hopefully your DP is just anxious too which caused the lack of support with this

Honestly you’ll laugh about these emotions in years to come! My beautiful friend messaged me when I was pregnant to tell me she was also expecting and for 30 minutes I felt angered! She already had 4… why couldn’t I have my 1st in peace! Now I laugh at my self importance😂I’m so bloody glad I didn’t voice my 30 minutes of insanity.

I think it’s just the first experience of having the strongest of motherly feelings for your child, desperately wanting the to have the best you can provide and becoming them most important person in your life. You probably don’t want them to share birthdays as it’s YOUR day!

Youve acknowledged these emotions are unreasonable and when you’ve not got 1002 hormones flying round your body you’ll be able to regulate these new feelings better!

Your husband simply does not know what to say!

I scrubbed and scrubbed my floors!

Good luck!

Aaaw, good luck today! Seeing my baby being born was the most impressive moment of my life, I'm tearing up just thinking about it again. It will be so, so special to you and so beautiful.

Having a baby is such a special time for you and your immediate family, it’s normal to want to feel like you and your baby will be centre of attention for a while. But you have to turn your view around and see it as a special and exciting thing that you have someone close to you who you can share this time with. It shouldn’t make it any less special for you and your DH.

You also need to try and drop this idea of perfect, and enjoy what will be. The perfect birth rarely happens. As long as baby arrives safely, focus on that. And don’t make everything a competition with you and your sis. There will be a lot of opportunity for that - who has the easiest birth, which baby sleeps better, cries less, rolls over first etc etc. Just focus on you and your baby. But also be happy for your dsis and think about how special it can be for your two babies to grow up the same age,

All the best OP. Hope everything goes well. Don’t put pressure on yourself and enjoy this moment 💐

I took the OP to be running around in panic mode, if my husband carried on like this yes I would have gone to bed too

And no using hormones is not an excuse to carry on dramatically male or female

I took this is the way the OP was acting from their OP

I understand- but there is nothing that has to be 'perfect' and putting such a huge expectation on yourself will most likely lead to a big disappointment. You're finally having the baby you want. They will be here soon, and all that matters is that you are both healthy. Stop putting unrealistic expectations on such a small part of the rest of your life as a family xxx

Op good luck today.

I was induced with my first. Also took a long time to get pregnant though not as long for you.

Have you been thinking everything needs to be perfect right from the the beginning? When you first got pregnant?

As today is the the day, it’s difficult. But you need to let the idea of perfect go. It puts unrealistic expectations on yourself, the birth, your husband, your baby, your family everything. The focus on perfection will likely put the much pressure on everything, it always feels like it’s not enough.

I do get your feelings around your sister. You would have liked the focus to be on you and your baby and then later your sister and her baby. But that’s not what happening and that’s not what’s important and it’s more what’s happening. You need to find a way to accept that. What’s important today is you and your lovely baby.

There’s probably some nervousness that’s influencing you feelings as well. It’s a big day.

Good luck and just concentrate on your and your baby.

Whats ‘special’ is that you are having a baby!!

And what makes it even more amazing is that you are sharing this journey with your sister and the cousins may actually have the same birthday!!

I can imagine how close these cousins will be and it will be so nice knowing you’re both going through similar things.

I think you can both be such a support to each and take in turns babysitting and help each other out.

You were probably just feeling a bit anxious about the birth and it was coming out as bitter but feeling a mixture of emotions just before you give birth is absolutely normal and nothing to worry about.
Your DH will be feeling similar things too (apart from not worrying about giving birth).

You are literally going to have a baby in the next few hours!!! Eeek!!!

That is so exciting and I wish you the best of luck ❤️

You really need to drop the notion of perfect. Neither the birth nor the baby will be perfect, and you can't make them perfect either. Obviously the baby will be perfect in your eyes and your husband's, but it's also going to be a tiny dictator that's coming for your sleep and any hope of peace and quiet! Newborns can be really really hard, and expecting it to be the perfect experience will only make things harder.

@Justanightmaretobearound just popping in to wish you a happy birth day. Time to meet your baby!

How very very exciting 😊

Your birth experience will be whatever it turns out to be so relax as much as you can (!) and go with the flow of your body and what it needs. Every contraction takes you nearer to meeting your baby. It's a miraculous thing, growing a baby and giving birth, truly extraordinary.

I'm metaphorically pacing the corridors outside the delivery suite 😬, gently rooting you on.

In time, you will appreciate the wonderful added layer that you and your sis get to share the day and that the little cousins will grow up side by side. Smashing.

I was similar in that I wanted everything to be perfect, I'm a perfectionist with everything though and it can be exhausting. Nothing I say will change that mindset once you’re in it but I can tell you from the other side that the birth etc won’t matter once baby is here, I don’t really care or recall exactly how it went now my child is here.

Your baby is yours and hers is hers. Did you grow up competing with each other?

Babies bring out all the old sibling jealousies.

Sorry posted too soon! I completely was like this with DS1, my sister had had DN 6 months before and my mum was absolutely smitten with him, to the point my sister found it annoying! Now they are both 18 and are such good friends, it's lovely to see.

This

Oh, and DD and her cousin are 3 weeks apart. The relationship between them is just awesome. Almost better than sisters as they don't have the annoyance of living together 😀

I think this is hormones talking. Having cousins close in age is great , my dd and niece have been in the same class together since reception , they are 14 now and still inseparable. Good luck today.

Hormones possibly.

Are you close to your sister? I would try and reframe it, you’re going through something wonderful together. Not many people will get to experience that on the same day. You’ll have two children who could up to be super close and have a great bond, you’ll have someone to share all the crap bits with in the first few months, that support etc? Obviously this is dependent on your dynamic.

I think once your baby is here you’ll forget about “the day” and just bask in your happiness with your newborn.

Your husband sounds like a mardy arsehole though.

I was just about to post the same! I grew up best friends with my cousin and it was wonderful - much less pressured than a sibling relationship. It was unconditional, she died in our 20s and fifteen years on I still think of her multiple times a day.

Having these babies so close in age could be one of the best things that ever happens to them.

Oh that's so exciting 😁 you'll be meeting your baby very soon!

OP, births and recovery very rarely go as expected, so trying to plan it is fruitless and will likely make you feel more disappointed down the line. Today, just think about you and your baby - go with the flow, being tense will not help you whilst you're giving birth.

Oh, and if none of that works, just keep thinking about the fact you can split the cost of birthday parties every year....cos them things are EXPENSIVE!

Good luck today, hopefully you will update us when your baby is here ❤️

Just focus on you and your baby. The perfect moment does exist and that is when you have delivered a healthy baby and the first skin to skin is unforgetable. That will be special regardless.

I also had a baby expected on same week as my sister in law. She was not my fan all the way through my pregnancy. It was her third and my first but she compared everything and multiple times talked me down. At the end I just didnt share anything regarding my pregnancy and felt much better. Although I did feel she is trying to ”overshadow” my pregnancy with hers. However She is she and i am me. Just stay in your baby-bubble and enjoy the last few week as pregnant before baby comes ❤️ you will miss the kicks

Don't underestimate the pain and grief of a long journey to parenthood. That doesn't just disappear when you get pregnant or give birth, it may in fact hit home quite hard especially with the hormonal upheaval and the impact of a new baby's arrival.

I suspect that much of your anxiety and discomfort has its roots in your fraught journey to fertility.

It is also very normal to nest like crazy and to feel both excited and terrified about the impending birth.

Try to be gentle with yourself. Small goals for the day.

Try to separate your sister's pregnancy and birth from yours. It is important that you focus on keeping yourself physically well and calm and that means letting go of things you cannot control.

You may not want to hear this but honestly you and your sister are going to be so grateful to have each other as new mothers. It's such an intense time and it can be fantastic to have someone who absolutely gets what you're going through. I talked to.my new mum.friends daily for months!

Good luck with your induction OP - not long until you have your lovely baby with you.

Keep an eye out for feelings of post natal anxiety and depression. They’re very common, absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and absolutely do not mean you aren’t grateful for and completely in love with your baby. Just some of your comments about needing things to be perfect are reminding me of my own experiences with post natal anxiety.