Once in a lifetime trip - 3 weeks off school

[XMissPlacedX]

My daughter has always wanted to go to Disney world Florida, but due to funds I've not been able to afford it. She is 14.

Her aunty who is quite well off and has a daughter the same age (my dd's cousin ) goes to Disney world Florida every 2 years and has offered to take my dd next year for 3 weeks.

The problem is it's the first 3 weeks of the school term ( September 2024). I've asked her if there was anyway of going in the summer holidays and she said it would double their cost and it would be cheaper for them to pay the school fine .

What do I do ? Do I say yes or no ? I would love for my dd to go but am not sure how much the fine would be and what impact missing that amount of school would cause.

I'm really torn

Year 10 they do the content that is tested in the GCSEs at the end of year 11. GCSEs are now very content heavy post Gove so they gallop through the work in year 10. Missing chunks is likely to be impactful. Have you ever actually parented a teen?

Am actually wondering if you work for Disney marketing department you sound almost evangelical about it all.

I’d let her go - it’s a once in a lifetime trip, people are saying she could wait and go in 2 years time but what if something else comes up and prevents that from going ahead and she looses her chance. She’ll be a great age for it atm and likely learn so much valuable stuff about herself, other cultures, budgeting etc while she’s there.

To make sure she doesn’t miss so much at School, could you compromise and speak to her teachers and ask for ‘homework’ or study material that she could spend some time doing while away, on the plane and an hour here and there in Florida? Or hire a tutor for a few hours when she’s back to make sure she’s caught up on any classes she needs to hit a certain grade in?

Trust me, allowing her to go will be something she will always be thankful for. So many unexpected things can happen and change the whole course of our lives, but memories made are priceless.

It’s not a once in a lifetime trip. She’s literally got her whole life to go - op even says this family go every 2 years.
It’s of zero cultural benefit.
She will miss a chunk of a key year of education that is tested and those results will affect her future.
it gives her a shit message re work ethic / delayed gratification.
it’s simply not possible to get a tutor to cover missed class work for 10 odd subjects likely including practical ones.

Clear divide on this thread between those that value education and want to support their child to succeed in life and can see the “bigger picture” and those that…don’t.

Also like fuck are the hard pressed teachers going to help her out with missed work either. A friends Dd has missed chunks of year 10 due to mental health and is now unable to catch up. She’s a bright girl gone from top sets to foundation level her mother is worried sick about her life chances now.

10 days is a better solution. I wonder if you could find out what topics they are covering in the first 10 days and get her to read over them in the summer holidays - probably unrealistic but I’d try to do a bit especially in Maths as she willl ferl quite lost when she gets back. (Apologies if this has been suggested the thread is too long)

My reply exactly. Start of year 10 and GCSE's. Definitely too important to miss. She will not only miss out on the education, but forming new friendships in newly formed GCSE groups. Sends a message to the school that holidays are more important than exams
She's a little too old for Disneyland now, but if she still wants to go...make it a reward for good grades. That way everyones a winner.

Mental health problems impact your life more than lack of education. Tell your friend not to worry so much about this period there are lots of ways of accessing education post 16 if school aren't being so supportive.
My DD had MH problems all through secondary and ended up on an access course to go to uni, got her degree and masters. Still got the MH which still weighs heavy. But education is always there for people to access when they want to.

To everyone saying “she’ll catch up” …
I mentioned this post to my very bright, conscientious 14 year old (year 9.) Her reply? “Oh my god. Trying to catch up having had three days off sick in year 7 was massively stressful enough. I can’t imagine being in a situation where I’m deliberately trying to catch up THREE WEEKS. I feel sick just thinking about that.”
In my English Local Authority, anything over 10 unauthorised absences is referred to the LA. 1 unauthorised absence is a half day: 10 unauthorised absences is therefore 5 days off school… there is no way this trip would be authorised, so this amounts to 30 unauthorised absences… It blows my mind that this is a question anyone would even consider.

I'd let her go, 10 days off school as 4 of them will be weekends. Flight time is equivelant of around 3 days of that she can use to study. So 1 week to catch up on and knuckle down.
From my own personal experience I bunked majorly of my secondary school life, still managed to pass all my GCSEs and I have a successful career in finance. If you believe she is capable of catching up let her.
At the end of the day, you are her parent, not any of these mumsnetters so you make the final call. I just couldn't imagine telling her no now she knows about it, plus Florida is the best place on earth, she will love it.

Edit: just realised it's 3 weeks, id compromise to 2 weeks if you can, 3 weeks is a little excessive

God no, 3 weeks is insane. 1 week can be justified when they’re younger but start of term in GCSE is a hard no for me.

Also, it isn’t once in a lifetime. She has her whole life ahead of her. It’s an expensive holiday yes, but at what cost ultimately? Her education is more important than some rollercoasters. It may be that you can’t ever afford to go but if her aunt goes ask if she can go next trip instead.

as an aside - what about spending money? I went this summer and I’ve been before and America is so wildly unaffordable for everything now you need a LOT of spending money.

If the cousin is the same age why on earth does the aunt think 3 weeks in gcse year in September is OK? Is she mad?

I'm a teacher and have never been to Disneyland but can day this is quite common, 3 weeks off for Disneyland for older pupils. It's bizarre. And I can honestly say it usually does have a quite obvious negative impact. If take my kids away for cheaper hols in a heartbeat during primary if I could, but no way when they're in an exam year.

To be honest as an ex teacher I'd say....let her go! She will be building core memories and get experiences not available inside a classroom. Ensure she applies herself throughout the remainder of the year and she will be fine.

I would do it in a heartbeat if it were my kids. Life's too short and school is such a small part of life. Her grades won't be severely effected by missing 3 weeks, despite what teachers and pushy parents would have you believe.

All the people saying she will never catch up sound like the type of parents who put so much pressure on their poor kids during GCSE years. If she's a relatively bright child and does well at school for the most part (so you know she'll knuckle down when she gets back to it) let her go.

Of course if she's a child who really struggles academically, or struggles with stress/anxiety, I would re consider and wouldn't advise it being a good idea. You know your child better than MN posters and her teachers.

To note, with regards to the fine - you can find out from your local authority/council. Where we are it works out as £80 per parent, per child. So far, far cheaper than your DS paying double in the school holidays. But it does differ place to place. Plus you would also need to consider if her attendance is otherwise good, to avoid any court action.

Jesus. There are still more "making memories hun!"ers coming.

Absolute crap to try to spin this as any sort of cultural enrichment mission.

It's Disney. In Florida. With a teen.

Her grades won't be severely effected...

Oh the irony.

😀 Like I said. Two tribes.

The “Live Laugh Love” /making memories hun /YOLO /pretend ex teachers group (who also mysteriously can’t spell and use odd capital letters).

Versus the Disney isn’t going anywhere it’s a theme park /you have your whole life to go /for just two years you need to focus on school during the school terms to get the results that set the stage for your life.

Never the twain shall meet!

Ex "teacher" of what age group?
If GCSEs, is this before they were reformed to contain far more content?

Wanting your DC to do well in public exams and enabling them by not taking term time holidays is not being a pushy parent @Spacemoon.

It would be a yes from me. I would let her go without a doubt. Kids need to have fun and we only live once. School work I'm sure with dedication she could catch up. Along as there is a plan in place for the missed time at school. Let her enjoy it and have no regrets 😉

Personally I'm not against kids missing school for family holidays because of the ridiculous prices during the summer months. I've done it myself but not at the start of September.

However, Year 10 & Year 11 are a not an option for this. And not 3 weeks either. A friend of mine consistently took her 4 kids on holiday every year at the beginning of September because the older one has a birthday in that period. And I mean every year from him being in primary school. Not one of them has a GCSE/qualification between them. 2 don't work and the other 2 do jobs that are zero hours contracts with sometimes no hours for a week or so at a time. Is that because they essentially had a block of 10 weeks off school every year? Or just because they're not academic and the results would have been the same had they not had time off. Hard to say.

3 weeks of work is a lot to catch up on top of a work that is already going on. Year 10 & Year 11 are stressful for most students and they do sit exams in Year 1O roundabout October/November.
Will you expect her to catch up 3 weeks work in the 1 week October half term break when she has only been in school for a week? Or over the 2 weeks at Christmas when everyone else is doing festive activities?

The aunt and your ex are out of order for telling your daughter about the trip.

They have set you up. By telling your daughter to ask you rather than coming to you themselves, they are setting you up to be the bad parent if you don't let her go.
This will also affect her motivation for school particularly during the weeks she thinks she should be on holiday.

I wouldn't. It's 3 weeks off GCSE work, and being at the start of the year it's also building relationships with teachers and classmates etc. Florida will still be there after she's done going to school!

Wanting your DC to do well in public exams and enabling them by not taking term time holidays is not being a pushy parent @Spacemoon.

There is a bit of a difference between parents who want their kids to do well in exams and the type of (pushy) parents who are on here insisting that taking a kid out of school for 3 weeks is ridiculous and damaging and they will 'never catch up'. They will 'never catch up' is so dramatic and comes across as extremely pushy.

I want my kids to do well in exams, as I'm sure most parents do, but I will never understand the parents who are so pushy during GCSE years that their kids can't possibly miss any days of school. 3 weeks out of the whole 2 years of GCSE prep isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, so long as the child is relatively bright and doesn't have any other issues relating to learning difficulties or stress and anxiety.

To each their own. OP knows her child better than anyone on here. She knows if her child will cope well or not. I'd assume she wouldn't be irresponsible and send her on holiday for 3 weeks if she was the type of child to struggle academically or to get anxious about sitting exams.

That sounds like a good compromise. Hope your DD has a fabulous time!

To be fair, Florida will still be there for many millennia to come. All that plastic ain't going to biodegrade in our lifetimes!

"Risking her happiness," FFS. It's only Disney, not a career or a partner, or even a gap year!