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AIBU?

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Original poster

Once in a lifetime trip - 3 weeks off school

935 replies

XMissPlacedX · 14/12/2023 20:27

My daughter has always wanted to go to Disney world Florida, but due to funds I've not been able to afford it. She is 14.

Her aunty who is quite well off and has a daughter the same age (my dd's cousin ) goes to Disney world Florida every 2 years and has offered to take my dd next year for 3 weeks.

The problem is it's the first 3 weeks of the school term ( September 2024). I've asked her if there was anyway of going in the summer holidays and she said it would double their cost and it would be cheaper for them to pay the school fine .

What do I do ? Do I say yes or no ? I would love for my dd to go but am not sure how much the fine would be and what impact missing that amount of school would cause.

I'm really torn

OP posts:
FindingNeverland28 · 15/12/2023 18:13

If you and dad are separated then you both get fined.

ISSTIUTNG · 15/12/2023 18:16

OP I've been twice to Florida. It's an amazing holiday and so much fun but I promise it isn't 'once in a lifetime' There's nothing culturally or intellectually stimulating about it.

That said, if you leave it until next time auntie goes then surely dd is then just going to end up in the same dilemma with A-levels/college course (arguably even more of a challenge to catch up on) or working in which case she might not even be allowed so much time off

It probably is tough to catch up after missing 3 weeks but I wouldn't have thought it's the disaster some pp are making it out to be. At the end of the day your dd is close to adulthood. You can support her but she's going to have to make up her own mind how important studying is. If she's consciencious then she'll find a way of catching up. If she isn't then she will probably have to find out the hard way that you don't get good results without effort whether she goes or not.

If she goes I'd be strongly emphasising to her that she needs to do her best to study and catch up on the work and that it isn't her teacher's responsibility to do this for her. I'd be asking teachers for skeleton sylabus for the missing weeks and any worksheets but I wouldn't be asking for a thing else. I'd be strongly encouraging her to do this before she finishes for Summer so that she can use the holidays to get ahead

Amista77 · 15/12/2023 18:18

100% no. That's a third of a school term in Y11 - it just wouldn't even be a question for me.
Plus I would really, really question whether going to Disneyland qualifies as 'a trip of a lifetime'.

cansu · 15/12/2023 18:18

The first few weeks of term are important especially for a child going into year 10.
She has her whole life to go to Disney.

StarlightLime · 15/12/2023 18:18

Notasnowballschanceinhell · 15/12/2023 17:57

There's nothing that educates better than travel IMHO. Take every chance offered, pay the fine and smile. Do extra study over the summer holidays if it really worries you.

🤣🤣🤣

LlynTegid · 15/12/2023 18:25

It is an amusement park, so my view is no. To a part of the US that is probably the best example of the kind of culture that tars those generally in the US badly.

Were it say to visit an older relative abroad, or a cultural event that only takes place on fixed dates, I would have some sympathy.

Dibbydoos · 15/12/2023 18:27

Yanbu, let her go. She'll learn a lot about culture and can catch up on her lessons.

Tink2007 · 15/12/2023 18:27

I’m sorry but that’s absolute rubbish - you cannot say children can’t catch up.

We moved during my daughter’s year 11 year. No choice. She didn’t get into her new school until November.

Once she started she discovered that the GCSE History syllabus she had learned at her old school wasn’t the same as her new school. She had to teach herself a whole new history syllabus in less than 6 months for her GCSE. And she did, coming out with a grade 9.

On top of that, she was the COVID cohort which was constantly playing catch up.

PinkCosYouAreSoVery · 15/12/2023 18:32

Missing 3 weeks at the start of a new school year would be a worry for me for my child when they return after the trip. Friends will be settled and sat in their places in class/tutor groups, clubs signed up to etc, mates already into their routine of meeting up for lunch etc. Your DD might find she feels a bit 'out of it' when she returns, especially with new timetable to navigate. Playing catch up on the learning is always tricky. If it was me in your shoes I think I would probably say no, especially if its the start of year 11. I have taken my child out of school for a week for a holiday before, but I wouldn't want to do it for start of term.

LawfulSearch · 15/12/2023 18:32

Life is too short. Let her go on the trip.

GladioliandSweetPeas · 15/12/2023 18:33

3 weeks of her last year in high school for a theme park in America? No!

ToffeeMamma · 15/12/2023 18:35

It's not just about a fine. If a child's attendance drops below a certain level it can also involve a referral to social services. I know ours refer at 20 days absence because the attendance would drop yo 85% just because they are all taken together doesn't help the situation. You can end up with parenting orders, education supervision orders and worse. It's really not worth it. Coming from a parent with a child with an illness that does affect his attendance I am more than aware how quickly even the odd day mounts up. My son has had only 4 days off since September and is down to 96% attendance I know that this could drop and it panics me even though we have the backing of his GP that he may drop to 85% and get a referral to SS. You are on about taking your child out for 21 days that's already below what most schools consider their referral point. You need to be telling her aunt that she had no right offering her the holiday without consultation and that it's not just about paying a fine. Then explain to your daughter why she can't go and how.unreasonabke it was to think 3 weeks out of school would be.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 15/12/2023 18:36

In UK aged 14 is year 10 the start of gcse work. Personally 3 weeks is too long to catch up. A week yes I would say go for it, 2 maybe assuming dd is the type not to be ill often and won't miss time for the rest of the year, but 3 weeks is a lot to make up. Throw in a few days of stomach bugs or a week for covid in the year and that's a month. They only do 39 weeks in school so when you look at it that's only a few days off 10% of the entire year.

JudgeJ · 15/12/2023 18:38

Notasnowballschanceinhell · 15/12/2023 17:57

There's nothing that educates better than travel IMHO. Take every chance offered, pay the fine and smile. Do extra study over the summer holidays if it really worries you.

Disneyworld can hardly be classed as educational though, she will 'learn' about queuing, dashing about and heat, even at the start of September.

Goodgollypasta · 15/12/2023 18:49

So I took my primary school child out for a couple of weeks at the end of last year( receptio. However, the problem with this is now the fine is £60 per parent to pay. Also the added risk of being imprisoned for 3 months for them taking time out. They are trying to make it much harder to take children away during term time. To me the risk is no longer worth it 😕

befuddledmonster · 15/12/2023 18:51

Primary school i would say go for it - my dd has class mates that go for a month or 2 during term time back to China and India. You can do primary stuff with home learning to keep up.

But the first 3 weeks of year 11 are really important. Why did they not offer any of the other years when it would have been so much better!? especially as their dd shouldnt be missing year 11 either.

I'm all for once in a life time trips, but Disney just isnt cutting it for me. Borneo or the Amazon, tour of Oz.... but 3 weeks at a theme park doesnt justify 3 weeks of the start of gcses.

AHFaemale · 15/12/2023 18:52

No. You will be setting a bad example to your daughter. School rules are there for a reason. She's 14. She will be interested in much different things in 2 years time.

dcthatsme · 15/12/2023 19:01

I don't think it's fair or a good idea to allow your DD to miss even 10 days of the first week or two of Y11. They are just starting GCSE courses. This is on the back of a really long summer break.

Kimmybot · 15/12/2023 19:01

I would discuss it with school and explain to your daughter how important her exam year is. My parents took my brother and I out if school for 2 weeks over Christmas 1980 to go to South Africa to visit my mums sister ( we went for a month ) I was 15 and it was exam year, schools weren't so strict then and there were no fines, but I hated it on return to school, although I loved the holiday, it took me months to catch up.

DragonFly98 · 15/12/2023 19:04

BCBird · 14/12/2023 20:36

Pupils don't catch up. It's something we say but it's not attainable.

Of course they do my dd now an adult is disabled and missed far more than 3 weeks of year 11. She caught up and did very well.
Op let her go, so much of school is wasted time even in year 11 . The actual content covered in 3 weeks is very little.

Meowandthen · 15/12/2023 19:04

AhBiscuits · 14/12/2023 20:32

Yabu, I wouldn't let mine take that many days off. Right at the start as well, when everyone is figuring out their new timetables, getting books etc.

This. Plus children sort out their seating in classes, make new friends, and start learning.

Too much would be missed in many ways.

DragonFly98 · 15/12/2023 19:05

Goodgollypasta · 15/12/2023 18:49

So I took my primary school child out for a couple of weeks at the end of last year( receptio. However, the problem with this is now the fine is £60 per parent to pay. Also the added risk of being imprisoned for 3 months for them taking time out. They are trying to make it much harder to take children away during term time. To me the risk is no longer worth it 😕

They don't imprison parents for term time holidays don't be so ridiculous.

Popcornready · 15/12/2023 19:06

Sounds like a good compromise to do Disney and then return, don’t stress over school too much there is classroom and life experience that teaches us way more. If your DD is going and I hope she does there is also opportunity for her to get a head start late summer and work through October half term. Speaking as a parent of a 16yr old who self studied on a home Ed level(yr8 till yr11) achieved all the exams she took even a 9 in English…. A few weeks out of the class room won’t damage that if she already puts the work in x

DragonFly98 · 15/12/2023 19:06

ToffeeMamma · 15/12/2023 18:35

It's not just about a fine. If a child's attendance drops below a certain level it can also involve a referral to social services. I know ours refer at 20 days absence because the attendance would drop yo 85% just because they are all taken together doesn't help the situation. You can end up with parenting orders, education supervision orders and worse. It's really not worth it. Coming from a parent with a child with an illness that does affect his attendance I am more than aware how quickly even the odd day mounts up. My son has had only 4 days off since September and is down to 96% attendance I know that this could drop and it panics me even though we have the backing of his GP that he may drop to 85% and get a referral to SS. You are on about taking your child out for 21 days that's already below what most schools consider their referral point. You need to be telling her aunt that she had no right offering her the holiday without consultation and that it's not just about paying a fine. Then explain to your daughter why she can't go and how.unreasonabke it was to think 3 weeks out of school would be.

It's 15 days not 21.

NeonSoda · 15/12/2023 19:09

Dibbydoos · 15/12/2023 18:27

Yanbu, let her go. She'll learn a lot about culture and can catch up on her lessons.

What culture is she going to learn at a theme park?