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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Once in a lifetime trip - 3 weeks off school

935 replies

XMissPlacedX · 14/12/2023 20:27

My daughter has always wanted to go to Disney world Florida, but due to funds I've not been able to afford it. She is 14.

Her aunty who is quite well off and has a daughter the same age (my dd's cousin ) goes to Disney world Florida every 2 years and has offered to take my dd next year for 3 weeks.

The problem is it's the first 3 weeks of the school term ( September 2024). I've asked her if there was anyway of going in the summer holidays and she said it would double their cost and it would be cheaper for them to pay the school fine .

What do I do ? Do I say yes or no ? I would love for my dd to go but am not sure how much the fine would be and what impact missing that amount of school would cause.

I'm really torn

OP posts:
gotomomo · 14/12/2023 23:02

I can't believe the aunt is taking her child out of school either though, rich but no common sense it seems? School, especially at that stage is more important than rollercoasters and people in costume. I have been but it's too hot and crowded, I much prefer California or Paris (Paris in winter is great, not too busy just wear a coat!)

PaulaPocket · 14/12/2023 23:03

Calliopespa · 14/12/2023 22:59

🥴A bit baffled by that juxtaposition. Are your cousins the epitome of tacky or something?

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Yes, a bit clumsily phrased by me. My cousins are the very epitome of tackiness.

Calliopespa · 14/12/2023 23:04

PaulaPocket · 14/12/2023 23:03

Yes, a bit clumsily phrased by me. My cousins are the very epitome of tackiness.

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That’s how it came across!

RampantIvy · 14/12/2023 23:04

Surely she is too old?

Disney appeals to all ages. I took DD to Florida straight after GCSEs for a post GCSE/16th birthday present.

I first went to Disneyland in Anaheim at 27 and loved it. Having done two Disneys I'm in no hurry to go back though.

Noveltyrocks · 14/12/2023 23:06

I'd say definitely no. How guilty would you not feel if she flunks her exams because she could never catch up?!

Lizzieregina · 14/12/2023 23:06

I definitely wouldn’t do it. I think 3 weeks at the beginning of the year and heading into GCSEs would be a lot to miss.

I’m in the US though, and kids can’t miss more than 9 days in a term (secondary school) where I live or they have to repeat the whole term. Different system to over there.

Cosyblankets · 14/12/2023 23:07

cardibach · 14/12/2023 22:51

I’ve been a teacher since 1988. all my colleagues have been experts. If yours haven’t, I suggest you choose jobs more carefully.

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I think the point this poster is making is that in a class of 30 you're not getting the teacher's full attention for an hour. Not that they're not an expert.

WhistPie · 14/12/2023 23:07

cardibach · 14/12/2023 22:41

It’s this sort of student it’ll make the most difference for. Those 4s and 5s open doors, and students struggling to get to them will not catch up.

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OP and her daughter's father don't seem to be that bothered about affecting her education or employment prospects so 🤷

Benibidibici · 14/12/2023 23:08

It's once in a lifetime for her as she has wanted to go since she was little

You don't really understand what "once in a lifetime" means, do you

Actual examples:

  • a trip to visit a relative who won't be alive in future
  • a trip to a habitat or cultural feature thats being destroyed
  • opportunity to observe cultural or natural phenomen that only occurs rarely in a lifetime (volcanic eruption, eclipse, papal conclave, royal coronation)
  • a trip of such rarity/cost few adults ever experience it (trip to antartica etc).

Millions of people go to florida. Your DDs aunt goes every other year.

Calliopespa · 14/12/2023 23:09

RampantIvy · 14/12/2023 23:04

Surely she is too old?

Disney appeals to all ages. I took DD to Florida straight after GCSEs for a post GCSE/16th birthday present.

I first went to Disneyland in Anaheim at 27 and loved it. Having done two Disneys I'm in no hurry to go back though.

Disney is a mindset not an age thing- though I struggle to envisage a child who wouldn’t think it was a better than average day. But anyone who can appreciate something a bit whimsical, well executed and fun should enjoy it - though my problem on most recent visit was aching feet! But doing it in such an important school term is not the right timing.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 14/12/2023 23:09

WilmaWonka · 14/12/2023 22:59

Yes but you’re not 14.

I’m pretty sure it’s much more expensive in June than September (haven’t checked for a while) and busier because US and European schools are out. I’m sure the aunt has considered this which is why she goes in September.

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My age is irrelevant as to whether it is "once in a lifetime".

I went in September both times and got caught in named hurricanes both times because September is during hurricane season. One of them was called Irma. It's still too hot and humid even then for the amount of walking you have to do and one of my party came down with heatstroke.

Disneyland Paris is cheaper, cooler, and is a size that you can manage in a weekend. Paris would allow DD a "taster" and she can go to Florida later if she likes Paris. I'd suggest September just before start of university term in 2028 if it's truly necessary to brave the heat and the hurricanes.

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 14/12/2023 23:11

cardibach · 14/12/2023 22:51

I’ve been a teacher since 1988. all my colleagues have been experts. If yours haven’t, I suggest you choose jobs more carefully.

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Haha. The teachers may be experts (questionable in some cases but I’ll bite) but each individual student isn’t getting 5 hours of expert tuition each day and you know it.
“missing out on class discussions” Oh no!
A decent tutor and a flipped classroom approach and she’ll be grand in a few hours.
The controlled assessment may be an issue but I’d have thought the majority was signed off in y10 and y11 was mainly a catch up now. We start in Y9.

I’ll back out now….i home Ed my own and you’ve been teaching almost as long as I’ve been alive 🤷🏼‍♀️ and I don’t plan on teaching as a career.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 14/12/2023 23:13

Duckeggbluebutton · 14/12/2023 23:00

This is not once in a lifetime trip. I would not jeopardise my child's education for a trip to Disneyland. Surely she is too old? You should have shut this down immediately.

Surely she is too old?

No such thing. For all I moan about the heat, humidity, and hurricanes, I loved the Star Wars and Toy Story sections.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 14/12/2023 23:14

It's once in a lifetime for her as she has wanted to go since she was little.

Oh give over. Most things in the world are once in a lifetime when you’re 14!! Heck, Year 11 is once in a lifetime. She has the rest of her life for a theme park. She’ll get one stab at GCSEs (more or less). You sound quite immature yourself with this comment.

Plus I'm a single mum ( work full time) and would never be able to afford to send her myself.

This is neither here nor there. Whether you’re single or married; a mum or a dad; work FT or not at all; most importantly whether you could afford it or not, I want doesn’t mean she should get when it’s a question of missing the first 3 weeks of year 11 versus 3 weeks of holiday in florida (of all places). You’d be doing what feels right for you (assuaging your guilt, apparently) rather than what’s right for her (educating her so that one day she doesn’t have to rely on others to fulfill her “lifelong” dreams).

Cosyblankets · 14/12/2023 23:14

cardibach · 14/12/2023 22:50

I’ve done both too. It’s more intensive, yes, but you lose the benefit of class discussion. Halve the cost then if you think it’s nuts. Between £937.50 and £1500.

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The benefit of class discussion?
I'm a language teacher. Currently tutoring two y11 pupils privately. Both in different schools. in school they're doing speaking tests. These take about 10 to 15 min each. While the teacher is doing those the rest of the class are doing revision. They take forever. You can guess at the quality of revision that's being done.
You cannot compare one to one lessons with classes of 30. They're in mixed ability according to where they chose their options if they're in an option class so grade 9s in with grade 3s etc.

CrappyBarbara · 14/12/2023 23:15

I’m American and I’ve spent a good deal of time in Florida and I can promise you there is no way your needs to stay there for three weeks. What exactly will they even do that whole time? You can only do so many man-made theme parks and shopping malls. September will be VERY hot and humid and it is the height of hurricane season. Even if the weather is nice it is well over an hour’s drive from Orlando to the closest beach. Ten days would be plenty, even allowing for travel time and jet lag, and if you time it right your DD would only have to miss one week of school.

To me three weeks off school in a GCSE year would be for a once-in-a-lifetime trip — something like Antarctica, the Galapagos, or family reunion with a dying relative in Australia. Disney is fun and Florida is pretty but if you’re going to visit America there are a million nicer and more interesting places to visit.

LoreleiG · 14/12/2023 23:15

Benibidibici · 14/12/2023 23:08

It's once in a lifetime for her as she has wanted to go since she was little

You don't really understand what "once in a lifetime" means, do you

Actual examples:

  • a trip to visit a relative who won't be alive in future
  • a trip to a habitat or cultural feature thats being destroyed
  • opportunity to observe cultural or natural phenomen that only occurs rarely in a lifetime (volcanic eruption, eclipse, papal conclave, royal coronation)
  • a trip of such rarity/cost few adults ever experience it (trip to antartica etc).

Millions of people go to florida. Your DDs aunt goes every other year.

This… there is no way I would say yes to this and I definitely wouldn’t have told my daughter! Bit late now though.

CommonOrNot · 14/12/2023 23:17

Oh give over of course she should go. How ridiculous to wonder otherwise.

RampantIvy · 14/12/2023 23:18

CommonOrNot · 14/12/2023 23:17

Oh give over of course she should go. How ridiculous to wonder otherwise.

Why?
How old are your DC?

Eekmystro · 14/12/2023 23:20

I take my children out of school for a few days here and there to make cheaper holidays. However I personally would not want my child to miss 3 whole weeks at the start of their GCSE years. They cover so much in subjects like science over the period of time. Maybe an earlier flight back is a good options, so she misses less time.

CommonOrNot · 14/12/2023 23:20

RampantIvy · 14/12/2023 23:18

Why?
How old are your DC?

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Why on earth would you think my dc are relevant to this thread?

it’s a holiday. School isn’t the be all and end all. She can catch up. It’s 3 weeks not 3 months. Get a grip and use it to take the stick out your arse.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 14/12/2023 23:23

CommonOrNot · 14/12/2023 23:20

Why on earth would you think my dc are relevant to this thread?

it’s a holiday. School isn’t the be all and end all. She can catch up. It’s 3 weeks not 3 months. Get a grip and use it to take the stick out your arse.

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Well that’s answered, then: definitely common 😂

honeysuckleweeks · 14/12/2023 23:24

I say yes, but come home after 10 days, hopefully only missing just over one week of school, assuming you can afford the one way flight home. A happy compromise but I would check if it's a great time to be going to FLorida. I'm dubious.
What are these fines people are talking about? Is that an English thing?

BusyMum47 · 14/12/2023 23:28

PuttingDownRoots · 14/12/2023 20:29

That will be 3 weeks of GCSE work.

Exactly! Definitely not a good time.

RampantIvy · 14/12/2023 23:29

Catching up three weeks of GCSE work is a lot of work to catch up on. I know because DD has taken GCSEs. It is relevant @CommonOrNot unless you already have DC of GCSE age or older.

A Disney holiday isn't the be all and end all.