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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School Nativity Ticket Debate

106 replies

AnInchOfGrinch · 12/12/2023 20:44

DS is in reception and this week is his first nativity play. However there has been a bit of a sour atmosphere amongst some. I’m actually on the fence and can see it from both sides, interested to hear thoughts.

Our School has a rule of “two guaranteed tickets per child” for anyone wanting to attend. It’s a reasonably large school with two classes per year so can see the need for this rule - roughly 160 children do the nativity play. This is Reception, Y1, Y2.

if you want any extra tickets they are allocated first come first served and you have to register on a wait list for them. I was delighted to get one so will be going with my DM and MIL.

this rule however obviously causes issues for some. There is a set of twins in the Y2 class and some parents aren’t happy that because of the two tickets per child rule they have four guaranteed tickets a year and grandparents have been able to come every year while some haven’t been able to get a ticket for a step parent every year. Likewise if you have a child in Y2 and a child in reception you will have 4 guaranteed tickets for the play.

I understand the frustration of you are constantly missing out. They only do the nativity for 3 years so I’d be gutted if my DM never got to go to one.

I also think there has to be some sort of rule/way of doing it and if they were trying to make exceptions for everyone it would be a nightmare for the school.

AIBU to think there’s probably no better way of doing it?

OP posts:

jhy · 12/12/2023 23:57

Our school tells you to bring along extras and they MAY get to come in if there's any spare seats
One parent turned up with both sets of grandparents 🤦🏼‍♀️ in hope of 4 spare seats !!

wronginalltherightways · 13/12/2023 00:17

I'm sorry, but how big do you think school halls are? ? ?

Ours could not accommodate 4 tix per family for a KS1 nativity, plus the performers and staff themselves.

Think safety would be an issue in a hall that has capacity numbers.

You'd be better off asking that 2 performances for families be put on, and 2 tix per family per show, which is what our school does.

swingtowin · 13/12/2023 00:25

Our school used to do an afternoon performance for either grandparents, or parents who worked evenings to go to

thelonemommabear · 13/12/2023 05:57

SuperBored · 12/12/2023 23:16

@44PumpLane I would say there are lots of wins with twins...you never have children at different schools, you never have different school holidays/inset days for different children, you don't have to spend two different evenings going to nativity/parents evenings/open evenings, or keep abreast of what children in different years are supposed to be learning

People with twins do often have more than the twins as children you know 😂 our uterus's still work - I have twins and an older child 😂

And try having twins which the school insist on putting in separate classes - 2 nativities 2 sports days - could even be at the same time - meaning you can't watch both your children and you have to miss one

Sceptre86 · 13/12/2023 06:14

Our school do 2 tickets per family rather than per child which makes sense as many kids have siblings in school. In my opinion that makes it much more fair. The hall isn't massive so that also controls numbers. Ours put out numerous emails and newsletters about requesting tickets for a day and time that suits yet some parents were still complaining. If you are disorganised as a parent then yes you will miss out. They put on 3 showings including an evening performance for working parents. I appreciate that still might not help those that work shifts etc but they give out dates for the nativity in November in the hope that people can have as much notice as possible.

takemehomecountryroads · 13/12/2023 06:19

This is so silly. We get two tickets per family. I’ve been lucky enough to find someone with a spare ticket just by asking around and using WhatsApp. This waitlist thing organised by school sounds totally unnecessary.

jemenfous37 · 13/12/2023 06:29

Surely not all 160 kids are in this nativity?

CorneliaAvenue · 13/12/2023 06:34

Winniespooh · 12/12/2023 21:03

Ours is 2 per family and there's a cut throat black market on the Whatsapp group for any spares.

😂

And lots of carping from parents whose kid was a cow rather than a star I hope!

applejuice123 · 13/12/2023 07:08

This has pissed me off so much.

I'm a mum of twins.

They are individuals and should be treated as such. It should be 2 tickets per kid.

Twin life is hard, especially as I have another child. The world is not set up for a family of 5. Cars, travelling, rollercoasters, hotel rooms, family tickets. Can't even buy food as I want as everything is packaged in 4s.

And I have to pay for three end of year presents for teachers and about 9 x TAs.

It should be two tickets per child - that is fair

applejuice123 · 13/12/2023 07:12

We also get invited to 90 children's parties a year 🤣

We have 3 x separate parents evening.

4 x performances at Xmas.

I can never watch all my kids in sports day at once.

We deserve the extra tickets...

VanityDiesHard · 13/12/2023 08:57

PuttingDownRoots · 12/12/2023 20:49

Some schools do two tickets per family not per child.

That would be much fairer.

SuperBored · 13/12/2023 09:03

@applejuice123 nothing about your post is specific to having twins, just a family of 5, same as my post was with the assumption the twins were the only children compared to a family with two different aged siblings.

applejuice123 · 13/12/2023 09:16

Do you have twins @SuperBored ?

Twins in my opinion presents many challenges.

In my school I had two children in year 1 and they have an individual performance per year group. I think I should have been offered 4 tickets.

Siblings is not the same as twins.

It's been massively challenging from the minute that line came up on the test. Carrying two 6lb babies around til 37 weeks. Giving birth to them vaginally (would not recommend) - siblings are usually spaced more than 3 minutes apart are they not?! Needing to buy a new car. Not being able to easily breastfeed. New pram! Unwanted attention. One asleep , one awake all the time. Endless night feeds. Double illness. The guilt of not being able to give your newborn all your time/more of your time.

Two sets of new school uniform. Arguments about who comes to parties. Arguments about who has been invited to parties.

Constant comparison in a way that is much more intense than non twins.

And people treating them as one unit.

They are individuals and they should be treated as such.

Of course there are many more fabulous moments and I would not change my situation. It's very special. But an extra two tickets would as others have said be a nice little perk to a very financially and mentally and physically difficult time!

Fairyliz · 13/12/2023 09:20

Roundycippae · 12/12/2023 20:49

Wise up. Is this HONESTLY what people get in a lather about?
My parents never got to see the school nativity when my kids were in it - everyone survived the trauma.

As someone who used to work in a school office I can assure you they did.
Every single year I would have parents angry or crying about not getting additional tickets.

Locallady2 · 13/12/2023 09:27

Girlsjustwannahavefundamentalrights · 12/12/2023 22:59

Another one with twins saying I'll take my four tickets, thanks very much, and refuse to feel guilty!

Why should all the singleton children get 2 tickets but the twins only get one ticket each? That's how it used to be when i was growing up - these days schools thankfully treat twins as individuals, not just as half a person. Our school gives 2 tickets per child across 2 performances. Me and dh are going to one performance, grandparents are going to the other.

People feel the same way when someone has a child in reception and a child in year two in the same nativity, and the family get four tickets. Arguably two tickets per family would be more fair, so that every child could just have both parents there rather than some being able to have grandparents as well.

I wouldn't actually be bothered to complain to a school about this and think you should enjoy your extra tickets, but I do understand the argument for why it's unfair, and nothing to do with treating twins as though they're not individuals.

SuperBored · 13/12/2023 14:35

@applejuice123 I have no doubt that having twins as babies presents a lot of extra challenges, but once they are school age, if they are your only children rather than 2 siblings of different ages, there are upsides was my point.

EvesamtsirhC · 13/12/2023 14:58

My youngest DC has their nativity tonight. There's also a performance tomorrow afternoon. We get one ticket per performance at a cost of £2 each and then get to request extra if needed and if available. DH is going tomorrow and I'm going tonight.

I had to request an extra one for tonight's performance so that my 8yo, who isn't in the nativity could come with me. Otherwise, I'd have to find a babysitter 😂

RedheadRedBed · 13/12/2023 15:21

I think this is fair as when my children were at school while families seemed to turn up , aunties, cousins, grandparents etc which meant there was no where to sit and everyone was packed like sardines and couldn't see anything properly.

RedheadRedBed · 13/12/2023 15:23

Can't people film it on their mobiles for the Grandparents extended family to see

PuttingDownRoots · 13/12/2023 15:45

RedheadRedBed · 13/12/2023 15:23

Can't people film it on their mobiles for the Grandparents extended family to see

Generally not allowed due to Child protection and privacy. No photography whatsoever.

SgtJuneAckland · 13/12/2023 15:51

There's no ticketing for ours and 120 kids in the year group, nativity is reception only other years do other plays, two showings, one for parents of classes a&b one for parents of classes c&d , both at 9am. We didn't take grandparents but the hall is huge and there was plenty of space so I wish we had. We do live in an area where almost all families have two working parents so whilst we were able to both be there and there were other families the same, there were lots where only one parent could make it (we live near a huge hospital so lots of doctors and nurses amongst parents)

grass67 · 13/12/2023 15:59

Two per family is fairest. Twins have two parents, so why do they need four tickets??

Yes, yes twins are hard, but so are two children a year apart. not to mention single parents who have to take a toddler, preschooler along, or disabled parents...I mean we could just go on and on!

Our school did two per child and children with divorced parents got them split.

Extra tickets raffled off. Super fair, its not about your twin child's right to be an individual, it's about making it fair for parents.

PomegranateRose · 13/12/2023 16:08

I think two per "set" of children in each year/shared performance if that makes sense is fairest. Yes twins are even more difficult in so many ways - but they usually have the same two "primary" parental/guardian figures any other single child or sibling group would have, on average anyway, so I fail to see why every child shouldn't have the theoretical opportunity to have two parents/primary caregivers present before anyone gets extras for grandparents, aunts, uncles, step-parents and so on who aren't primary caregivers.

Of course scheduling/work/shifts etc. don't always work out so straightforwardly, but ticketing should be proportional to the average expected number of involved parents/primary adults rather than the number of children when they share the exact same parents imo. Then if every child doesn't have two parents/adults coming for whatever reason, additional tickets can be wait listed/requested for.

Desecratedcoconut · 13/12/2023 16:15