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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery staff kissing baby

67 replies

lookma · 11/12/2023 19:39

Hi,

I’ll preface this by saying I have ADHD which makes me worried about confrontation but also gives me anxiety over many, many things!

Our 10 month old has been going to nursery for a month. Usually only twice a week. On two occasions now and when I’ve been holding her at pick up time, one of the nursery practitioners in the room has quickly rushed over and kissed her all over her hands before I’ve even had chance to register what was happening. DH and I went away and wondered how we raise this without causing aggro with her needing to be in there for a few more years yet!
She’s been teething really badly lately as she’s getting her back teeth early, so always has her hands in her mouth. Nursery know this as we’ve told them and sent teething liquid for them to apply.

Since we’ve seen this, DD has just last night started with a red, white and angry looking spot in one corner of her mouth, where her top and bottom lip meets. We’ve always been really careful with people kissing both of our children because of cold sores, even being cautious ourselves and we don’t get them. We’ve always told people not to kiss our babies on the face or hands.
With that said though, I’ve no idea what one would look like and am now in anxiety overdrive that she’s been given one, although trying to reason it could just be a spot where she’s been extra dribbly and rubbing her face off everything.

Would you be happy with nursery staff kissing your baby or am I being OTT panicky?

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 11/12/2023 19:40

Other people disagree with me, but I prefer the hands on approach. I love that other people love our kids. I trust them not to do it with an active sore, same as I wouldn’t.

Pianodiano · 11/12/2023 19:44

I think it’s fine but say something if you want. They sound kind and caring and like they are building a bond with her, babies need affection

LadyChilli · 11/12/2023 19:46

When my DS was in nursery as a baby I saw his key worker absent mindedly drop a kiss on his head one day and I was really comforted knowing he was in the care of someone who wanted to be affectionate like that. It was a huge thing for me to see. I can appreciate that not everyone feels that way but I think a lot of good nursery staff do bond with children in their care.

Babyboomtastic · 11/12/2023 19:46

I have loved nothing more than to see nursery staff/childminders sweep up my little ones and give them a hug and kiss.

We are a very affectionate family and if I can't be there to shower love and affection on my child then I'm glad the person I'm trusting to care for them can!

I'd much rather they are in that sort of environment rather than some sterile bubble where they have to keep artificially distant from my child.

I can't say I personally worried about anyone kissing them (though not in the lips). Babies are very huggable and kissable and I'm not a fan of this latest fad to be really restrictive of it personally.

NumberSixtyTwo · 11/12/2023 19:47

Rachie1973 · 11/12/2023 19:40

Other people disagree with me, but I prefer the hands on approach. I love that other people love our kids. I trust them not to do it with an active sore, same as I wouldn’t.

Hard agree. It's the sort of thing that would make me choose a nursery, this kind of natural affection for the children there. Lovely stuff. Some of the EYFS stuff can be nonsense especially at that age, but if you can find somewhere she's loved and cherished, that's the jackpot. Please don't complain and take this away from others!

SouthLondonMum22 · 11/12/2023 19:47

Sounds OTT to me. Sounds like they are building a lovely bond with her.

MondayBags678 · 11/12/2023 19:47

Your baby will probably be putting her hands in other peoples mouths ,if she’s anything like mine! Although I see what you’re saying and what you mean.
I think I’d be happy nursery staff cuddling and kissing on the head and maybe hand but definitely not mouth
be interested to see what other people think about this

salamirose · 11/12/2023 19:50

On two occasions now and when I’ve been holding her at pick up time, one of the nursery practitioners in the room has quickly rushed over and kissed her all over her hands that sounds really weird. I'd speak to management

Tiredforfive45 · 11/12/2023 19:50

A 10 month old is exposed to much more from crawling around on the floor / putting random things in their mouths / licking the cat etc than from being kissed on their hands.

It is your line in the sand to draw though if you don’t want your child to be kissed by other adults. You can raise it politely and non-confrontationally without causing any upset.

Justcallmebebes · 11/12/2023 19:51

Babies need love and affection from their carers. Far better than the alternative

salamirose · 11/12/2023 19:51

NumberSixtyTwo · 11/12/2023 19:47

Hard agree. It's the sort of thing that would make me choose a nursery, this kind of natural affection for the children there. Lovely stuff. Some of the EYFS stuff can be nonsense especially at that age, but if you can find somewhere she's loved and cherished, that's the jackpot. Please don't complain and take this away from others!

Show quote history

I think its irresponsible to teach kids that it's ok for a professional caregiver to kiss them

2mummies1baby · 11/12/2023 19:51

I don't think they should be kissing her on her mouth or hands, simply from a hygiene point of view, and you'd be well within your rights to ask the nursery manager to ensure this doesn't happen. Top of the head is safest for kissing.

NightmareGirl · 11/12/2023 19:53

So the nursery teacher just gave your baby herpes

romdowa · 11/12/2023 19:55

That would be a hard no from me. I'd just send an email stating what you witnessed and asked that your child is not kissed by staff. Surely there are professional standards around these things, I certainly wouldn't go around kissing other people's children.

Fionaville · 11/12/2023 19:56

I do think it's nice that your baby is getting loving affection from the staff, so I dont think it's 'off' Saying that though, babies who aren't mine or aren't close relations, I usually kiss on the head or on the cheek (away from the mouth) just to help lessen the spread of bugs. I don't know what I'd do in your situation, sorry.

Flamingogirl08 · 11/12/2023 20:00

I think kids need affection and I would find it comforting that the staff member had such a bond with them.

It's so natural to give a baby a hug and a kiss, I wouldn't care.

pinkunicorns54 · 11/12/2023 20:01

I don't mind the nursery workers kissing my baby of a similar age - as long as it's not on the mouth!
They are very loveable and kissable 🥰❤️. I think the same as others, if I can't be there to shower them with love, I'm glad someone is!

Greentomatic · 11/12/2023 20:05

Angular cheilitis

It's fine.

CalistoNoSolo · 11/12/2023 20:06

Quite surprised at the answers on this thread. Its easy to show a child that isn't your own, love and care without slobbering all over them. I don't think kissing little kids has any place in any childcare setting, and if your baby has caught herpes from one of the nursery staff, that is nothing but absolutely grim.

Personally I wouldn't have allowed the weird hand kissing, and I would be kicking up a big fuss about the cold sore.

roseheartfly · 11/12/2023 20:10

When I first saw my son being kissed I was like WHAT? Then I rationalised and thanked my lucky stars that he is being shown genuine affection. I hate th thought of him hurting himself and getting a cold and distant reaction? A cuddle and a kiss is what he needs and I know full well he gets it.

It's hard being a mum.

I've checked on my son far too many times tonight, I've passed the point of reason. I worry about it everything everyday. But affection, I won't worry about. And your child will get a little older and starting licking the floor soon, touching the pin, putting leaves in their mouth...

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 11/12/2023 20:10

I'm affectionate with the babies I care for and will pop a kiss on their head and give ad lib cuddles as required. If a parent specifically asked me not to then I'd respect that. Usually though it's the babies coming up to me and trying to kiss me with their dribbley little mouths and snotty noses! I should be germ proof by now! 🤣

everyredsock · 11/12/2023 20:15

My son gave our childminder a huge kiss and cuddle at pick up tonight and it made me feel so happy he was in the hands of someone he loves and she obviously cares for him.

TeenLifeMum · 11/12/2023 20:16

I thought I was a pretty chilled mum and I certainly loved the smiles and cuddles my dc got from their caregivers but never saw them being kissed. I mean, dc are germ factories for a start so I think the nursery staff are bonkers but I’m not keen on others kissing my dc.

Kittylala · 11/12/2023 20:17

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Growlybear83 · 11/12/2023 20:20

If I'd have ever left my daughter with anyone else then I would have been perfectly happy for them to give her a kiss but not on her mouth.

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