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Original poster

Nursery staff kissing baby

67 replies

lookma · 11/12/2023 19:39

Hi,

I’ll preface this by saying I have ADHD which makes me worried about confrontation but also gives me anxiety over many, many things!

Our 10 month old has been going to nursery for a month. Usually only twice a week. On two occasions now and when I’ve been holding her at pick up time, one of the nursery practitioners in the room has quickly rushed over and kissed her all over her hands before I’ve even had chance to register what was happening. DH and I went away and wondered how we raise this without causing aggro with her needing to be in there for a few more years yet!
She’s been teething really badly lately as she’s getting her back teeth early, so always has her hands in her mouth. Nursery know this as we’ve told them and sent teething liquid for them to apply.

Since we’ve seen this, DD has just last night started with a red, white and angry looking spot in one corner of her mouth, where her top and bottom lip meets. We’ve always been really careful with people kissing both of our children because of cold sores, even being cautious ourselves and we don’t get them. We’ve always told people not to kiss our babies on the face or hands.
With that said though, I’ve no idea what one would look like and am now in anxiety overdrive that she’s been given one, although trying to reason it could just be a spot where she’s been extra dribbly and rubbing her face off everything.

Would you be happy with nursery staff kissing your baby or am I being OTT panicky?

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 11/12/2023 21:19

Top of head fine face/hands not fine.

comedycentral · 11/12/2023 21:30

In a childcare setting, you would expect to see hugs, hand holding and snuggles. There's no need for kisses, I think physical affection should be instigated by children instead of adults too. I've always had affectionate carers with my children who demonstrate pretty good boundaries whilst also being quite hands on.

NoNoNanette · 11/12/2023 21:32

Rachie1973 · 11/12/2023 19:40

Other people disagree with me, but I prefer the hands on approach. I love that other people love our kids. I trust them not to do it with an active sore, same as I wouldn’t.

I would never, ever have been cross with anyone for kissing my babies! I'd think them cold if they didn't want to. Wasn't it one of the duties of parliamentary candidates when out canvassing for votes?

NoNoNanette · 11/12/2023 21:34

autienotnaughty · 11/12/2023 21:19

Top of head fine face/hands not fine.

Not sure why. When my little girl was in reception her teacher once scooped her up and gave her a great big smacking kiss on the cheek and she beamed! I'll treasure that moment forever.

autienotnaughty · 11/12/2023 21:44

@NoNoNanette mainly safeguarding tbh. I wouldn't want my child thinking anyone can kiss them on their face (which is a private area) but also germs and cold sores. I worked as a childcare practitioner for around 15 years. I received loads of hugs (kids wrapping themselves around my legs) but didn't feel the need to kiss children, I did do high fives tho.

Crazycrazylady · 11/12/2023 21:49

romdowa · 11/12/2023 19:55

That would be a hard no from me. I'd just send an email stating what you witnessed and asked that your child is not kissed by staff. Surely there are professional standards around these things, I certainly wouldn't go around kissing other people's children.

Honestly I would have expected more answers like this . So glad that most people feel the opposite
Think the approach above is so cold and not what I would want for multi kids.
I remember seeing my childminder scoop up my toddler and give him a big kiss on the cheek and it was just so lovely. I believe in the village thing.

DanceMumTaxi · 11/12/2023 21:49

Our childminder used to cuddle and kiss our dc all the time (never on the mouth). It was all completely appropriate and it was lovely that they had such a close bond. My eldest is 11 now and still talks very fondly about our childminder.

Actupfishy · 11/12/2023 21:50

My little boy is always getting kisses (on head) and cuddles from nursery setting. I think it's lovely, it makes me feel more comfortable with him going.

BIossomtoes · 11/12/2023 21:56

There’s no such thing as too much love or too much expression of it.

hotsouple · 11/12/2023 21:56

My friend's child got herpes on her hands and mouth from a childcare worker.

googledidnthelp · 11/12/2023 22:01

Only today I was both upset yet comforted that my DS came home from nursery smelling of another woman. He was on my knee and I was nuzzling his head and she was all I could smell, they said he was clingy this afternoon so I can picture him snuggled on her lap and his head on her chest and if she could resist dropping him a kiss I would be amazed.

I'd let it go and take comfort in it.

salamirose · 11/12/2023 22:02

googledidnthelp · 11/12/2023 22:01

Only today I was both upset yet comforted that my DS came home from nursery smelling of another woman. He was on my knee and I was nuzzling his head and she was all I could smell, they said he was clingy this afternoon so I can picture him snuggled on her lap and his head on her chest and if she could resist dropping him a kiss I would be amazed.

I'd let it go and take comfort in it.

They are professionals I'm sure she could resist

salamirose · 11/12/2023 22:02

BIossomtoes · 11/12/2023 21:56

There’s no such thing as too much love or too much expression of it.

There absolutely is

salamirose · 11/12/2023 22:04

comedycentral · 11/12/2023 21:30

In a childcare setting, you would expect to see hugs, hand holding and snuggles. There's no need for kisses, I think physical affection should be instigated by children instead of adults too. I've always had affectionate carers with my children who demonstrate pretty good boundaries whilst also being quite hands on.

Absolutely this. Boundaries

bobotothegogo · 11/12/2023 22:08

Cuddles fine in this situation, kisses not.

NotExactlySuits · 11/12/2023 22:10

Some of the replies are so weird and sad. I love the childcare providers being affectionate with my children.

My DD was hospitalised with the herpes virus at about 12 months. She'd never been in nursery or childminder at that stage. I don't know where she picked it up, but as she crawled, nibbles, licked, and touched everything she could for 12 hours a day, it could have been anywhere.

TicTacNicNak · 11/12/2023 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That's so rude and unnecessary!

The nursery worker could easily have shown affection without all the kissing. I'd be livid if someone had given my baby herpes in this way.

mantyzer · 11/12/2023 22:11

If you start dictating how a childcare worker shows affection to your baby, you will ensure there is a distance between the worker and your baby. Affection is natural. And babies need it.
Nurseries can lead to more emotionally distant care anyway. I would be relieved my child was being shown so much affection.

mantyzer · 11/12/2023 22:12

@TicTacNicNak you would have no idea that it was a worker. It could easily be another child.

gettingolderbutcooler · 11/12/2023 22:21

I deliberately chose a nursery that cuddled and held my child and had no problems with kisses either! The Montessori one was very hands off and I wanted a loving environment.

WorriedMum231 · 11/12/2023 22:28

Kissing would be a no from me, I just wouldn't be comfortable with it at all.

All though about 70% of people carry herpes, or the cold sore virus, so you’re very unlikely to protect DC from it anyway regardless of how safe you are. That wouldn’t be my main concern regarding a care giver kissing my DC.

mantyzer · 11/12/2023 22:30

So you want staff reprimanded if they forget and kiss your baby?

Lotsie · 11/12/2023 22:31

Just wanted to say that neonatal herpes is the risky kind, this is seen under the age of 4 weeks. After approx 6 months children are generally seen as having a decent immune system

so I don’t think herpes should be a big concern. Chances are she has been kissed multiples times from people who carry the virus, I think about half the population do, irrespective as to wether they get cold sores or not. It wouldn’t worry me.

Fummymummy · 11/12/2023 22:34

I think other people's opinions on kissing your child are totally irrelevant. I don't have an issue with it, but I'm not her mother!

You're her parents, not anyone else - and you've made it really clear you're not comfortable with kisses and have been really careful of others kissing them since she was born. That's completely reasonable, and if you are uncomfortable about kissing hands due to the risk of cold sores transferring to her mouth then it's a perfectly valid reason to ask them not to.

I'd just be really polite and say you're sorry to bring it up but you noticed the kissing hands, and you are not 100% comfortable with this due to the risk of cold sores, and please could they avoid it. Then maybe think about what you are comfortable with so eg kisses on top of head is fine, cuddles or whatever else you're comfortable with instead, please could you just avoid face and hands.

Then get the key worker a really nice Christmas present to show you're still totally on board with them and to make you feel less like "that parent" even though you absolutely aren't! (unnecessary, but also having ADHD this is totally something I'd RSD about!!)

WorriedMum231 · 11/12/2023 22:34

mantyzer · 11/12/2023 22:30

So you want staff reprimanded if they forget and kiss your baby?

I think it’s fair enough not to kiss someone’s child if they ask you not to.