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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery staff kissing baby

67 replies

lookma · 11/12/2023 19:39

Hi,

I’ll preface this by saying I have ADHD which makes me worried about confrontation but also gives me anxiety over many, many things!

Our 10 month old has been going to nursery for a month. Usually only twice a week. On two occasions now and when I’ve been holding her at pick up time, one of the nursery practitioners in the room has quickly rushed over and kissed her all over her hands before I’ve even had chance to register what was happening. DH and I went away and wondered how we raise this without causing aggro with her needing to be in there for a few more years yet!
She’s been teething really badly lately as she’s getting her back teeth early, so always has her hands in her mouth. Nursery know this as we’ve told them and sent teething liquid for them to apply.

Since we’ve seen this, DD has just last night started with a red, white and angry looking spot in one corner of her mouth, where her top and bottom lip meets. We’ve always been really careful with people kissing both of our children because of cold sores, even being cautious ourselves and we don’t get them. We’ve always told people not to kiss our babies on the face or hands.
With that said though, I’ve no idea what one would look like and am now in anxiety overdrive that she’s been given one, although trying to reason it could just be a spot where she’s been extra dribbly and rubbing her face off everything.

Would you be happy with nursery staff kissing your baby or am I being OTT panicky?

OP posts:

DappledThings · 11/12/2023 22:35

I never saw any nursery staff kiss mine but I would be quite happy if they had done. They certainly had plenty of hugs, and thankfully all through lockdown. I'd have withdrawn them if they weren't still getting cuddles then. I've no problem with kisses.

mantyzer · 11/12/2023 22:39

@WorriedMum231 I think staff being reprimanded because they kiss a baby and forgot they are not supposed to, will just lead to staff being more distant to that baby. You stop staff bonding with the baby.

mantyzer · 11/12/2023 22:41

The truth is this about mums being jealous and is quite common towards childcare workers when mums see a strong bond between the child and worker.

WorriedMum231 · 11/12/2023 22:44

@mantyzer I really don’t think you need to kiss a baby to bond with it? I don’t relate to your jealousy theory.

If people don’t mind it, that’s fine. It should be completely respected if a parent has asked for it not to happen. Seems a little odd to me that there’s an argument for it not to be respected?

If someone has asked you not to kiss them, I can’t imagine a scenario where you should not be reprimanded for doing it anyway, mistake or not.

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 11/12/2023 22:46

Babies need love and physical affectionn(cuddles, hugs, kisses, hand holding, eye contact etc) from their caregivers

It's vital to normal healthy development

You are so lucky your nursery love your baby

mantyzer · 11/12/2023 22:47

To develop a good bind you need to be natural with a baby. Not constantly reminding yourself that the only affection allowed is a cuddle. And presumably if a parent says that is not allowed you also think that should be respected?

GodspeedJune · 11/12/2023 22:47

mantyzer · 11/12/2023 22:41

The truth is this about mums being jealous and is quite common towards childcare workers when mums see a strong bond between the child and worker.

Eh? What are you talking about?

The OP quite clearly said in her first post that she is careful about anyone kissing her child, not just the childcare providers. It’s not a slight on a mothers bond for the OP to not want her child to be left with an unpleasant virus.

OP, yanbu. I would tell them no more kissing.

Ardith · 11/12/2023 22:51

Lots of affection, cuddles and kisses tk the too of the head, fantastic.

Kisses on the face? No that’s weird given how common colds are and the fact that babies don’t actually like being kissed on the face.

That saud the soot in the corner if her mouth was probably caused by drivble, nursery staff won’t dry dribnle as often as needed. Try putting a bit of vaseline at the corner of her mouth.

UsingChangeofName · 11/12/2023 22:54

I agree with all the early replies.
You are lucky to have childcarers that love your dc. It is a really positive thing.

Also, at 10months, your baby will be putting their hands in far muckier places than the lips of an Early Years Practitioner.

NumberSixtyTwo · 12/12/2023 00:06

Ardith · 11/12/2023 22:51

Lots of affection, cuddles and kisses tk the too of the head, fantastic.

Kisses on the face? No that’s weird given how common colds are and the fact that babies don’t actually like being kissed on the face.

That saud the soot in the corner if her mouth was probably caused by drivble, nursery staff won’t dry dribnle as often as needed. Try putting a bit of vaseline at the corner of her mouth.

My baby adores being kissed on the face.

Wetblanket78 · 12/12/2023 02:35

It's odd she kisses his hands I wouldn't mind on their head or cheek as long as not near their mouth. As pp says I wouldn't mind them showing affection. As long as they don't have a cold or cold sore. I would say something about kissing his hands though.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 12/12/2023 04:21

Tiredforfive45 · 11/12/2023 19:50

A 10 month old is exposed to much more from crawling around on the floor / putting random things in their mouths / licking the cat etc than from being kissed on their hands.

It is your line in the sand to draw though if you don’t want your child to be kissed by other adults. You can raise it politely and non-confrontationally without causing any upset.

Licking the cat 😂

Mummymummy89 · 12/12/2023 04:30

I used to feel so guilty and worried about my dd being left at nursery while I was at work (irrationally). I imagined her being neglected to cry in a corner (unrealistic).

Once when I went to pick her up, she was about 15mo maybe, one of the nursery staff scooped her up and kissed her hair and said breezily "love you, see you tomorrow!" And dd mumbled something like "yuv you bye". And I literally cried with relief and thanked her for being so nice.

I wouldn't even mind if she caught a cold sore as long as she was happy and felt wanted. As a pp said, cold sores aren't particularly risky after several months old. (And anyway, my dd hasn't caught a cold sore, barely ever catches anything at nursery... I think it's because they're so disciplined about handwashing etc)

Passingthethyme · 12/12/2023 04:32

Rachie1973 · 11/12/2023 19:40

Other people disagree with me, but I prefer the hands on approach. I love that other people love our kids. I trust them not to do it with an active sore, same as I wouldn’t.

Agree, this is a tiny baby only 10 months and they really need proper care which includes affection

kiwiaddict · 12/12/2023 04:42

While I've never gone as far as kissing someone elses kid, when I worked with children I did give a hug or pick up etc when needed (trip to the park and became too 'tired' to walk lol).

I absolutely love children (finally pregnant with my own) and each little angel entrusted to my care was really cared for until mummy/daddy showed up 😊

I'd actually be more wary of someone working in my position and being quite emotionally detached, a little darling away from their guardians needs to know there's a safe adult around they can trust

Sugargliderwombat · 12/12/2023 05:19

Your baby doesn't know that you are paying this person, the nursery worker will become one of her 'safe people' and I would think it's lovely that they are building that affectionate bond.

I don't know about cold sores but Im afraid from now on your baby will be putting their hands everywhere anyway

Minniliscious · 12/12/2023 05:52

This world has become so sad 😞 A child can’t even be shown innocent affection at nursery without a parent becoming offended. What has happened to people?

Joyless, scary times.

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