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Original poster

Child's First Mobile Phone

56 replies

MumInTraining66 · 11/12/2023 19:25

I'm agonising over a first mobile phone for our 11 year old son - he'll be starting secondary school next Sept, and a while ago one mum strongly advised, get them a phone the year before, when you know their circle of friends already, and so the people in his phone will be kids you are already familiar with, and he'll get used to it whilst communicating with his old buddies. Sounds like good advise to me as he's at our very small village school at the moment and secondary school is at least 10 times the size. A bit daunting - especially for me, as we know everyone in the kids current little school.
But, where do I start? Any advise for a first phone (we really can't spend a fortune); and what to have on it, and what not..... I'd love to hear your advice, warnings, and experiences.
Obviously, as parents, we just want to keep them safe and I know that many issues can come with phones, so just looking for some guidance. Thank you in advance..... 🙏

OP posts:
ArsetoChristmas · 11/12/2023 19:26

Sounds like awful advice to me unless you know they're going to the same class in the same school. They change so much at secondary school I really wouldn't be getting them a device until the 11th hour.

SquirrelRed · 11/12/2023 19:32

I've got my son a phone for Christmas for the same reason, he's 10 in year 6. I've gone for the Samsung a14, it was £130 from the Samsung website and will be his main present. I'm still looking into what to put onto it in terms of making it safe and I'm finding that really quite stressful so hoping someone else comes along with some good tips for that!

FuzzyPenguin · 11/12/2023 19:34

We are going to give out DS his first phone in the summer before he turns year 6. The idea being that the novelty of having a phone will be worn off before he gets to big school. He will be allowed to walk to school on his own and then hand his phone in at school until the walk back.

We are starting him on my old phone which is an iPhone linked to our family accounts so we get notifications of any down loading, we will also be monitoring his conversations and have made it clear that we will be having full access to his phone until he is 16 and there will be no social media until he turns 13 at least.

Aphroditee · 11/12/2023 19:37

Has he expressed wanting a phone? If so, what type of phone? What type of phone do you have? As obviously you’ll know most things about the type of phones you use.

Most teens have iPhones. But if a brand new one is out of your budget go for a second hand one.

He’ll need a screen protector and a case incase he drops it.

Set up “Find my iPhone” or the Samsung, Google etc. equivalent.

It’s important to monitor what apps they are using and downloading. You can set up App Store parental controls which prevent kids from making purchases without your permission.

A lot of teens download apps like Snapchat, TikTok, Instagram before they’re old enough. They just use a fake date of birth when signing up. So it’s down to you wether you’re comfortable with your son using these types of apps.

StrawberryWater · 11/12/2023 19:39

Not sure. When he goes to secondary school probably. Mobiles are being completely banned at his school from January (he goes to a school that caters from nursery to 6th form) so will get him one when he starts wanting to go into town on his own with his mates etc.

MissGroves · 11/12/2023 19:56

Highly recommend parentshield sim card for safety. (Don't work for them nor affiliated in anyway but it seems the best option for keeping them as safe as you can)

Original poster
MumInTraining66 · 12/12/2023 10:34

Made perfect sense to me as even though these friends may not all go to the same school etc - her point was to not suddenly be in a situation where hes got a phone and is contacting a load of people you are infamiliar with.
I guess just the sense of, by secondary school time, usage of the phone for him, and us, with the boundaries and do's and donts, will be familiar.
Also, may not be the case in all schools but, it seems, you need one for this school - which is a pretty good school (lesson timetables etc).. Hence, this discussion now, in preparation.

OP posts:
brunettemic · 12/12/2023 10:48

We went with summer between year 5 and 6. Most of his friends already had one and there’s a chance you run the risk of being left out of things, eg social meet ups if they don’t have one. I imagine everyone at his high school has one, he’s year 7 now. As for which phones, look into reconditioned ones…we got one from apple that saved us a lot. SIM only deals tend to be far better too.

Original poster
MumInTraining66 · 12/12/2023 10:55

SquirrelRed · 11/12/2023 19:32

I've got my son a phone for Christmas for the same reason, he's 10 in year 6. I've gone for the Samsung a14, it was £130 from the Samsung website and will be his main present. I'm still looking into what to put onto it in terms of making it safe and I'm finding that really quite stressful so hoping someone else comes along with some good tips for that!

Thanks for this. I'll take a look at that one. It's daunting isnt it. My boys are really good and pretty sensible/switched on, but you hear so much awful stuff related to kids online and on phones, so we just need to gather as much info as possible to keep them as safe as we can. Also, they will be going on to a much bigger school - so a lot of new outside influences..
Glad you'll hopefully find this helpful too.

OP posts:
Reesescheeses · 12/12/2023 10:59

That’s really great advice. We left it til secondary school to get one for DD and I won’t go into it but she was unprepared for the internet compared to her friends who had them the year before.

We all have iPhones and hooked her up to DHs account so she has to ask permission to download an app. We also didn’t let her have an internet browser at first.

Rabiz · 12/12/2023 11:07

Personally I would leave it as long as possible. There a campaign to wait until at least 14. Smartphones are likely to be banned in schools anyway (and they should be - such a distraction and a problem). If he really needs one for travelling and being in contact with you before and after school then a dumb phone will do.

Riggle · 12/12/2023 11:07

We went for a similar timescale to you in a very similar school scenario. Most people in the class already had a phone by this point.

I have gone heavy on parental controls so I have to approve any apps being downloaded. I also have restrictions on the times of day it can be used (although these aren’t great for enforcing on Apple, as they can be worked around) and the content which can be accessed.

We initially avoided WhatsApp, but subsequently added it, as it was easier for messaging friends with android devices. However, we’ve set it up so my child can’t be added to WhatsApp groups with agreeing and we’ve agreed to steer clear of class WhatsApp groups and similar. Hearing from other parents, those can be a nightmare with kids posting stuff they shouldn’t.

I regularly check the phone to see what it’s being used for.

Elisheva · 12/12/2023 11:08

Install the parent controls for whichever type you have, plus make sure that your home WiFi has the filters turned on. My DC can’t install apps without my permission plus I can block websites that I don’t want them on. I check their phones history occasionally and skim through their messages.

However, despite all the controls they are likely to come across content that you don’t want them to see, especially as there are people who are out to circumvent the various safeguarding tools and actively try and get children to inadvertently access things they shouldn’t. So you need to have ongoing dialogue with your kids about the internet and internet safety, and encourage them to tell you about anything they see that they are worried about or that has scared or upset them.
We can’t protect them forever, so while giving them a slow and careful introduction to the internet, we must also give them the tools to filter and reject content that is not good for them.
Also be involved with what they are doing, download the same games and play with them, that way you can spot stuff that isn’t as obvious. Some games have their own filters that you can set to turn off messaging/in game chat.

tomatoontoast · 12/12/2023 11:10

Whatever phone you buy download 'Family Link' onto it. It's a Google app. It tracks the child alongside letting you keep an eye on apps and time he is spending on the phone.

You can even unlock it if he locks himself out.

Original poster
MumInTraining66 · 12/12/2023 11:11

Aphroditee · 11/12/2023 19:37

Has he expressed wanting a phone? If so, what type of phone? What type of phone do you have? As obviously you’ll know most things about the type of phones you use.

Most teens have iPhones. But if a brand new one is out of your budget go for a second hand one.

He’ll need a screen protector and a case incase he drops it.

Set up “Find my iPhone” or the Samsung, Google etc. equivalent.

It’s important to monitor what apps they are using and downloading. You can set up App Store parental controls which prevent kids from making purchases without your permission.

A lot of teens download apps like Snapchat, TikTok, Instagram before they’re old enough. They just use a fake date of birth when signing up. So it’s down to you wether you’re comfortable with your son using these types of apps.

Oh yes, he's been going on about wanting a phone for months. He hoped he'd get one for his birthday a couple of months back but we weren't ready for it then. Now, I'm thinking (like another poster just said) that if we do it for Christmas the novelty will have worn off in a few months time. Plus it's amazing what percentage of his class (it's such a small class - tiny school) have them already, we've just discovered.
Me and my husband have Samsung Galaxy's and so I guess android is the way to go for sure. Yep, def agree re screen protector and case (we've learned the importance of those the hard way - lol).

Thank you for the tip re "Find my....." I'll check that out - probably need it for my husband too (more than my child). And I'll check out parental controls/apps. Also, we'll tell him straight away about not being old enough to download certain apps and not to consider using a fake dob in order to do so, and hope he'll listen, but tbh I believe he would - he'll just keep begging me to let him have TikTok, for sure. Thank You.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumInTraining66 · 12/12/2023 11:13

MissGroves · 11/12/2023 19:56

Highly recommend parentshield sim card for safety. (Don't work for them nor affiliated in anyway but it seems the best option for keeping them as safe as you can)

Thank you. I don't know what it is but I'll look it up. 😀

OP posts:
Original poster
MumInTraining66 · 12/12/2023 11:16

brunettemic · 12/12/2023 10:48

We went with summer between year 5 and 6. Most of his friends already had one and there’s a chance you run the risk of being left out of things, eg social meet ups if they don’t have one. I imagine everyone at his high school has one, he’s year 7 now. As for which phones, look into reconditioned ones…we got one from apple that saved us a lot. SIM only deals tend to be far better too.

Yes, I feel that too about them being left out and I'd hate that - it's trying to get the balance right isnt it.

Thank you. I'll check out reconditioned.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumInTraining66 · 12/12/2023 11:21

Reesescheeses · 12/12/2023 10:59

That’s really great advice. We left it til secondary school to get one for DD and I won’t go into it but she was unprepared for the internet compared to her friends who had them the year before.

We all have iPhones and hooked her up to DHs account so she has to ask permission to download an app. We also didn’t let her have an internet browser at first.

Thank you, and yes, I can see that. It's definitely good to chat to other mum's about this kind of thing as it's amazing the stuff you learn. Being an adopter too, I've found discussions with other mums have been invaluable over the years. And obviously, also with adopted children your social media worries are heightened, so I'm like a sponge soaking in any helpful tips. Much appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumInTraining66 · 12/12/2023 11:29

Riggle · 12/12/2023 11:07

We went for a similar timescale to you in a very similar school scenario. Most people in the class already had a phone by this point.

I have gone heavy on parental controls so I have to approve any apps being downloaded. I also have restrictions on the times of day it can be used (although these aren’t great for enforcing on Apple, as they can be worked around) and the content which can be accessed.

We initially avoided WhatsApp, but subsequently added it, as it was easier for messaging friends with android devices. However, we’ve set it up so my child can’t be added to WhatsApp groups with agreeing and we’ve agreed to steer clear of class WhatsApp groups and similar. Hearing from other parents, those can be a nightmare with kids posting stuff they shouldn’t.

I regularly check the phone to see what it’s being used for.

Thank you so much for this detail - it is really helpful. I didn't even think of various Whatsapp groups (why I don't know as I'm in all sorts of the bloody things), and you are right I can imagine all kinds of inappropriate stuff in those, after all, they are kids. Sheesh! So much to think of!!!!!
But yes, I'm going to get my husband (he won't be happy) to look into the parental controls in order to approve apps etc.

You want them to enjoy having their phone, but don't want it to end up being detrimental to their mental health as we know they can be when in contact with the wrong people/content - so thanks very much. 🙏

OP posts:
OhCrumbsWhereNow · 12/12/2023 11:36

DD got a phone at the end of Y6 - she has my old iPhones every time I upgrade but on a sim only contract.

School use a lot of Apps for homework and notices, so a smartphone is essential.

Lots of the kids also have bus tickets etc on them. DD uses the train so she has Trainline installed.

WhatsApp she uses to communicate with me and the class WhatsApp (unbelievably well behaved lot in her class from my snooping), but uses SnapChat with friends. I dislike SnapChat and held out till Y9 before agreeing to that.

She can't download any apps without DH or I pre-approving, and I have a rule that all trackers are never to be turned off and I can look at anything on her phone at any time. I did monitor a bit in Y7/Y8 but DD is pretty sharey in general and so I haven't really looked in the last year.

You can get insurance on ProtectMyBubble that will cover broken screens, theft etc

caringcarer · 12/12/2023 12:34

I got Foster Son a Nokia 8.1 he's happy with it. Let DC choose their own case. Put a screen protector on. I didn't spend more than £100 because FS constantly loses things. This is a replacement phone for one he lost. He asked for another the same.

user1496146479 · 12/12/2023 12:39

Stay away from Snapchat for as long as you possibly can.

CMMM · 12/12/2023 12:49

I'm sure all androids have similar features but this is what I did for mine at the end of year 6.
Second hand reconditioned iphone 10.
Locked so that they can only use after certain time in the morning and stops working at 8pm.
Have to request to download any apps - requires parental pin number
No FB, Insta, snapchat at the moment, only whatsapp.
We reserve the right as parents to scan the messaging side of things and see what is going on - we were very up front about that with the kids and that is part of our code of conduct as a family
Phones only charge in the kitchen
No phones in bedrooms
Find my phone enabled with basically the warning that if some smart kid tells them at school how to turn it off then they will be given a non smart phone for safety for the bus instead.
Slightly worried about how we evolve this when they are 14-15 but it's working for now

Original poster
MumInTraining66 · 12/12/2023 14:34

Elisheva · 12/12/2023 11:08

Install the parent controls for whichever type you have, plus make sure that your home WiFi has the filters turned on. My DC can’t install apps without my permission plus I can block websites that I don’t want them on. I check their phones history occasionally and skim through their messages.

However, despite all the controls they are likely to come across content that you don’t want them to see, especially as there are people who are out to circumvent the various safeguarding tools and actively try and get children to inadvertently access things they shouldn’t. So you need to have ongoing dialogue with your kids about the internet and internet safety, and encourage them to tell you about anything they see that they are worried about or that has scared or upset them.
We can’t protect them forever, so while giving them a slow and careful introduction to the internet, we must also give them the tools to filter and reject content that is not good for them.
Also be involved with what they are doing, download the same games and play with them, that way you can spot stuff that isn’t as obvious. Some games have their own filters that you can set to turn off messaging/in game chat.

Thank you so much for this really useful rundown of things to look for and do. Home Wifi - that's definitely noted. It feels like it's a lot of work involved, but I guess once you've done the groundwork it's just a case of monitoring, which is all a part of parenting anyway - it's just that not all of us are as savvy as our kids with IT, sadly. Having said that, I do work on a pc so I'm sure that once I start delving a lot of this stuff won't be such a big deal for me and I know I'll feel a lot better once I've put all of the necessary measures in place.
And yes, I completely agree about getting involved with what they are doing. In fact sometimes now, I sit and watch them play their games and 'insist' on having a go just so I can see what they are up to. It does make a big difference for you to take an interest and show that you are interested. They are much more likely to include you and talk to you about things then. So thank you very much.

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 12/12/2023 14:35

Get a cheap crap phone from CEX or similar. It's for emergency contacts / texting friends only - no apps allowed.

We did this and it worked really well as DS doesn't use his that much as there's nothing good on it!

But it's enough to get him used to having it / building skills around texting / replying / keeping in touch with people.