Child's First Mobile Phone

[MumInTraining66]

I'm agonising over a first mobile phone for our 11 year old son - he'll be starting secondary school next Sept, and a while ago one mum strongly advised, get them a phone the year before, when you know their circle of friends already, and so the people in his phone will be kids you are already familiar with, and he'll get used to it whilst communicating with his old buddies. Sounds like good advise to me as he's at our very small village school at the moment and secondary school is at least 10 times the size. A bit daunting - especially for me, as we know everyone in the kids current little school.
But, where do I start? Any advise for a first phone (we really can't spend a fortune); and what to have on it, and what not..... I'd love to hear your advice, warnings, and experiences.
Obviously, as parents, we just want to keep them safe and I know that many issues can come with phones, so just looking for some guidance. Thank you in advance..... 🙏

Oh yes and we use 1p mobile and he pays for all his data via a bundle that's £3 a month. He's learnt a few expensive lessons around not connecting to wi-fi but has got a lot better now.

I'd be really cautious about not getting a smart phone.

Check if school use things like Satchel (homework app), Memrise, Sparx etc - as these all need app access.

Also I know a fair few kids whose parents think they don't have a smartphone because they gave them a brick phone. But they just get given an old one by their mates and use it on wifi for apps and the internet in secret.

Far safer to be actively involved as early as possible while they are less teenage!

Thanks, CMMM. Particularly like your addition of charging in the kitchen and no phones in bedroom - especially early on. It prevents bad habits as you know once it's upstairs it'll never be put down. And yes, being open about the messages. Sadly, it's a must these days to ensure they are safe. Ha ha ha - and yes, you sound just like me with the "non smart phone" warning. LOL Thank you.

Thank you. It definitely needs to be a smart phone as his new school (I know it's a few months off now, but we're prepping lol) uses apps for timetables, homework etc. But yes, certainly will be keeping it as basic as possible and 'locking it down'. lol

LOL - had to Google 1p Mobile. Never heard of it!

My son has a phone with sky, any data etc gets rolled over and he can borrow family members data if they don’t use all theirs as under the same bundle.
we got an iPhone 11 last year so not the latest but still decent.
he uses it to meet friends in the morning and then after school uses it to call me to see whether I’m about as he gets the bus to secondary school.
He’s in multiple what’s app chats but never reads them and doesn’t have insta/facebook etc.
occasionally uses it to FaceTime whilst playing on Xbox

Just to add he does most of his homework on his phone via an app and uses it sometimes in lessons at teachers request so definitely would go for a smart phone

Sorry I didn't mean a 'dumb' phone, just a basic smart phone and only essential school apps.

Yes, it's definitely a smart phone he needs as, tbh, that is why I've posted on here - the need for a phone for when he starts secondary due to everyone needing to have one. Frustrates me a bit really. It would be nice if schools were a phone-free zone, at least for the first or second year of secondary. Let the kids get used to just communicating in person a little - plenty of time for the onslaught of social media and messaging everyone. IMO, real friendships are built through that personal interaction especially at a young age, and there's a lot of problems caused by kids having a lot of their friendship-time online. But hey ho!!!!! Sign of the times, right!

Ha ha - kids are crafty. But yep, I can only imagine what kids who have secretly procured a phone will get up to. Thank you.

Thank you. I can't get my head round doing homework on a phone. But I'm "old" lol!!! Thank you.

Honestly I have broncom on mine which is homework, awards, meetings, behaviour points, attendance the lot, he also has that as all homework’s are linked in there.
then he has the bus app as they’re always late, google classroom, school interval email system. I can’t keep up

I read some amazing advice

Say it's your phone, that they can use. You buy it, you pay for it, you dictate the rules of it, apps on it, etc. Avoids the arguments of 'yeah but it's my phone i can do what i like...'

Their young brains have no idea how to manage the potential shitstorm these devices can bring - it's well known that tech CEO's don't give their kids phones. Bullying, porn, etc etc

If you say it's your phone, then you are the one that decides whats on it, you can look at it any time, and you dictate the times he can use it. For example phones shouldn't be near the bed at night, they should be locked away in the kitchen downstairs so the kids have peace and can sleep.

We need to be so careful with these devices. It makes me so sad to see young men and women walking along the road with their head glued down, totally in the phone, and unaware of their surroundings. its unhealthy on so many levels.

My daughter will have a brick phone when she's 11, and only internet enabled at 17. I know some other parents will laugh and say that's ridiculous, but many people are wising up to this now. We musn't let our kids down, and fail to protect them.

@bluecalendula how old is your daughter now...?

DD got my old phone (no interest in buying her a new phone for a few more years) at the beginning of y6. Precisely for the same reason. The rules are I can check it at any point in time I want, no downloading or making accounts without my approval, only people she actually knows can be added , it has set times when it locks , she has to ask permission to go on call and homework,chores etc. need to be done.

It worked and hopefully it will still be working until she's old enough to loosen the reigns a bit. Now at secondary she uses it for the homework app/timetable, all the other billion log ins she has for mail,google classroom,this link,that link,mymaths etc. She uses it as a bus pass, to track the bus and to message me where she is etc. Her school is 45 minutes away and she makes her own way there and back most days. She uses it for group homework (for example they had to plan and write a mini script for a play over the weekend between 4 of them ). She uses it as emergency money/method to pay .That's just the necessary stuff.

Ofc, she also uses it for socialising and fun and stuff, none of the friends she made at secondary are any where near local so that way they can stay in touch, chat , talk/do homework together, they planned a secret santa etc. I still keep an eye on everything that goes on ,what they talk about ,what apps she has etc and so far so good. Hopefully it'll last.

This is fab advice.
Put all the parental links / controls on BEFORE you give them the phone. Use the phone AND your service provider controls.
One young relative is mine was sent a dick pic in the 24h it took the parental controls to be applied. From a random number.

I think that's good advice in your OP. It's important to remember that phones aren't the devil. People are. He needs to be respectful to others and you need to monitor the messages he receives. It could be unkind ones from his peers or someone with bad intentions, I know I sound extremist but it does happen!

DD had my old phone over lockdown to communicate with friends and has repeatedly had my old phones. She would have been 8/9. There was a point where she got one of those £100 phone deals from Tesco but it was so shit it lasted less than a year.

Tesco have some absolute deals for airtime. You could look at a second hand phone from cex or similar. Most of Dads friends have iPhone 11/12s or s22 but she is 12 now. DD has a 13. The android / iPhone war starts early.

How is your child going to do any homework? Everything is apps and internet links these days.

Just got the holiday revision for Xmas and for science alone there were over 50 links to websites and videos.

And it's the children of parents with your mindset who are the ones with the hidden smartphones.

DD gets a new smartphone every two years when I upgrade mine, so do most of her friends... what do you think they do with the old ones?

My son got his age 10

We went second hand iPhone as we all have iPhones z

It's connected to our Apple storage and find my iPhone

Totally locked down.

He was limited to only the apps we put on it, the screen time we allowed, the contacts we put on it. Literally everything he wanted to do came as a request for us.

He didn't have a browser or WhatsApp at first.

He does now but browser is locked down we have to approve every webpage.

No social media. Can't download or delete apps without permission. We still restrict his screen time.

And yes to a good case, screen protector and a pop socket as well

My dc got theirs for their 11bday (early into year 6) and I'm also of the opinion that it's better then, when you know the mums, know the friends, can be very hands on with checking It and parental controls etc.

Dd is now fully entrenched into secondary school and I couldn't imagine having to handle the whole "they have a mobile phone" thing at the same time as trying to settle into a new school.

I also genuinely do not understand how anyone's 13/14yo gets on without one - my dc is often facetiming friends evenings and weekends they do homework together online, the school uses an online portal for homework, she can message her friends to arrange meet ups etc.

I would actually be genuinely interested if anyone who currently has a 13/14yo at mainstream secondary could tell me a bit about their experiences.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/mobile-phone-use-to-be-banned-in-schools-in-england

We need to be so careful with these devices. It makes me so sad to see young men and women walking along the road with their head glued down, totally in the phone, and unaware of their surroundings. its unhealthy on so many levels

Back in the mid 90s pre smart phones, when I was a teen, I'd walk round with my head in a book. Literally everywhere I went I carried a book or a magazine. I suspect that was equally as unhealthy. But no one would ever judge someone sat staring at a book or magazine or newspaper in place of a mobile (which coincidentally is also a digital book and newspaper).

That just means they're not used in the classroom or on site.

DD attends a school with a 'phone off and in bag while onsite' rule - that doesn't mean that they aren't an essential part of life.

@SecondUsername4me, mine is 14 and we did the same as you. Started in Y6 so there could be firm control and lots of guidance. During Covid it gave her a social life as an only child living in a rural area. Now it's used for everything - especially as she has SEN.

Thank you for this very different viewpoint. Interesting actually - as you say, if you say it is yours they will most likely think very carefully about how they use it, and let you interact with them more. I know some kids would probably not be too impressed, but I'm pretty sure my son would be over the moon that he'd got a phone - full stop. And this way it would encourage him to use it sensibly in order to be able to get his own.....
Sadly, I think that for the most part, not allowing an internet-enabled phone until 17, particularly if your child is at a regular secondary school, would be pretty difficult. But good luck. I definitely hear what you are saying - it's a very different world out there now to a decade or 2 ago, and us parents are so scared of not being able to protect them from hidden dangers.

WHAT!???? Sheesh! This is what we are up against!!!!

Thank you. :)